Donald Trump knew there had to be a way for him to get back to “that dump” on Pennsylvania Avenue — and you know what? He was right! And best of all, it’s a fast, easy way that doesn’t involve any more audits, or the Supreme Court, or that lunatic Mike Lindell. It’s a dream come true for the Mango Monarch de Mar-a-Lago.

I just love surprise endings, don’t you? Cue the Twilight Zone music, “ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding ding.”

Just goes to show you, there’s always more ways than one to peel a pumpkin.


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  1. Infuriatingly there will come a time for an official function where he would be invited back to the WH – the unveiling of his official portrait. It’s probably already done. All they had to do to please Trump would be to take one of those giant Elvis portraits done on velvet that you have seen sold from parking lots and replace Elvis’ head with Trump’s. Well, hopefully he’ll be in prison when the time comes. His evil spawn too. A ceremony where all they did was announce that neither Trump or his family could be present so “here it is – a Trump themed lunch of fast food is now being served out on the south lawn” seems appropriate.

    • I wonder what kind of an official burial Trump will be given when the time comes? I seriously believe that anyplace he is buried, people are going to come to piss on his grave.

        • For the well-being of the Ocean and all the wonderful wild life living there, reinforced concrete is warranted, so when the steel bin corrodes off this century, the extra-quality, strong concrete will still hold for several more centuries … /s

      • I certainly will want to do so. And more. In the meantime, if someone ever creates toilet paper with Trump’s ugly face on it every day I can drop a sheet in the toilet bowl and get in some practice!

        • Already done (and available on amazon, ebay and a couple of other online sites).
          Oh and Amazon also has a ‘Trump Toilet Brush so you can shove him head first into the bowl)

          • For me Amazon is like Twitter – something I have never, ever signed up for and I resent the ever living FUCK out of the coercion to FORCE me to use Amazon. No, I’m not talking about you for pointing them out as an option but rather merchants and retailers that try to limit the ability to buy stuff to using Amazon. I either pay a little more or do without. Call me a stubborn old crank. But I will fight using Amazon. Period. I will however start searching for other options since you indicate there might be other sources so thanks.

          • Ah, another comment from the peanut-brain gallery insulting the intelligence and mental faculties with a rambling, run-on sentence that isn’t even an actual sentence!

          • Trumps the fruit cake. Elections’ been over and he still thinks he’s President. And BTW he was never a real American President. Wiped better things off of my shoes.

      • You’re such a joke! PresidentTrump will be back and you can take your communist butt out of the USA.You and the others like you aren’t wanted here, you’re nothing but a free loader that doesn’t care about our country only thing you want is the freebies ole Joe and Harris and the cabal are giving away

        • Odd isn’t it that anyone opposed to the orange excrescence on the posterior of humanity who slavishly adored a former high-ranking KGB officer and who declared he was ‘in love with’ the head of the North Korean Communist Party just has to be a ‘communist’.

        • If you ever wake up from your TDS, you will be mortified to realize the joke was always on you. Where do Trump supporters live that they are so detached from reality?

          Opposing Trump does not make someone prima facie a communist. In fact, it makes them a true American patriot. Stop listening to FOX. According to FOX, when Obama so much as mentioned the possibility of meeting with a dictator, he was coddling dictators. Then Trump actually meets with a number of them including Putin, and FOX called it diplomatic outreach. Now Biden has met with Putin, and FOX is back to calling it dictator-coddling. The only apparent difference is the party of the president, not any actual reality of the situation. Aren’t you tired of being so easily manipulated?

        • Communist butt! Trump is the one who sleeps with Putin and kisses his rear. Trump’s the one who didn’t defend our troops when the commies put contract out after them. Just another Trump Zombie.

  2. Of course an alternative would be for his ashes to be scattered somewhere on the grounds after his death (I would suggest the compost heap)

  3. Don’t they have a mockup White House at one of Florida’s stupid theme parks? He could scoot over to the park and sit behind the fake Resolute desk for four hours a day. (Mon thru Fri). Don’t want to have to provide benefis. However, I think it would be OK to pay him $1.00 over the minimum wage. He was President after all so the extra dollar is warranted.

  4. For all the PRESIDENT TRUMP HATERS ” YOU ARE BRAIN WASHED DUMBASS DEMOCRATS ” PRESIDENT TRUMP work for us for 4 years with a salary of $1 dollar. I bet you can’t find another PRESIDENT that did that!!! He brought us jobs too until some IDOT decided to let loose that toxic curse and blame our PRESIDENT for it getting out. He had nothing to do with that!!! Someone had tried to ruin him for 4 years but it didn’t work. He was not to blame for the stock market crash or jobs being shut down, think people who let the virus loose??? It was my PRESIDENT TRUMP!!! Maybe it was someone trying to make their way into the White House or someone who is putting ransom were on our medical forms or it could be our banks next. I would want PRESIDENT TRUMP on my side working for me than I would someone who can’t even make complete sentences. CHEW ON THAT FOR A WHILE ANTI- AMERICAN TRADERS!!!

    • Is is just me or have we picked up fact ignoring conservative MAGA nation readers lately? These posts with their rantings that ignore actual reality are as tiresome as they are entertaining in their level of delusional bullshit.

    • Let me guess…u barely graduated high school with a C- grade point average. U get all ur info on carefully selected social media like ‘angry gun totun boys’, you’ve never read a book over 50 pages, if at all, & ur a scared white lady still mad u can’t use the n word in mixed company. Try a few facts next time. U might like them.

    • I would have thought yesterday’s reply to your lunacy would have at least embarrassed you a bit but I guess morons are so used to looking stupid they no longer get embarrassed. Pity really. Embarrassment and shame are great teachers and lord knows you need a lot of it looking at your “writing”. I will tell you something you can definitely take to the bank: modeling your “writing” after trumpty’s twitter word salad is not a good look unless of course you actually want to look as f*cking stupid as humanly possible.

    • Really ironic that it mentions at the end of the article saying there’s more than one way to peel a pumpkin. Does that mean he’s gonna be a bit lighter orange. His bestest friends are communist. He’s also gonna look good in orange prison garb

    • You’re not serious. You are a comic writer, taking the mickey out of us by showing us how today’s Trump supporters “think” and “express” themselves.

      I can’t say “nice job”, though, because your comedy is about 150% too broad and obvious!

    • Oh Honey, where have you been for the last four yrs. No, he didn’t take a salary , but he charged his own secret service $ 600.00 a night for their rooms at his property’s and for their golf carts ! He stayed at his property’s more than he did the White House . You are very misinformed , get off Fox News and start listening to the REAL NEWS ! We the people paid for all his fun …

  5. His apparent altruistic forfeiting his salary would appeal to people who are easily distracted by shiny objects—glittering pieces of silver—and not seeing the abject corruption and criminality, which informed the behavior of this malignant narcissist. (By the way your sentences are confusing, and your rant incoherent.)

  6. I sure hope The Lincoln Project keeps up the good work in ’22 & ’24. They are an invaluable resource for Democrats everywhere.

  7. Please! Get some journalist out there to get some real stories. Stop milking the Trump cow. People have had enough of this Trump garbage, including his worthless brats. Donald Trump is done, we’re all just waiting for this POS to be delivered from us by God. I wish him the worst that the world has to offer.

    • Why would you be waiting for him to be delivered to you from God that is not you people are insane you need mental guidance get off of President Trump leave him alone because y’all are nothing but a bunch of sour turds

  8. President Biden won fair and square! Trump can ramble all he wants to, but everyone knows the truth. All the REPUBS jumped on to the Trump train when they backed his insurrection. If they think this is going to help them get re-elected I believe it is doing more damage than good! KEEP DRINKING THE KOOL-AID!

    • Sorry to tell you lady but you got dementia you need help your brain is totally fried president Trump is not done not by a long shot and you’re going to see so quit talking s*** keep his name out of your mouth cuz you know nothing but a scum bucket

  9. where you getting all this trash you know you believe the media if you believe the media then you’re just as crooked as they are because the media is lying to you lady and you need to get off of it you need to get off of President Trump because he was the best president we have ever had you know he stopped a lot of stuff that’s been going on in this country that it should have stopped a long time ago so get off of your high horse and suck it up


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