Mitch McConnell Has Never Been Funnier!

July 10, 2026

While Mitch McConnell himself has never been funny, from time to time there have been some quite amusing memes. But, in the wake of the wall of GOP silence surrounding his present health status, the current crop of memes and comments has drawn overflowing buckets from the humour well.

Though it’s tempting to post a glut of these memes and comments one after the other, the story cannot properly be told without factual context. We know the right-wing has largely done away with facts, but those of us on the Left do appreciate honesty and reality whenever we can get it.

Our story begins mid-June. On the 12th of that month, Mitch’s wife Elaine Chao departed for China. A recent statement of 3 sentences began:

The secretary was on a long-planned trip in China to support her family’s philanthropic endeavors.

Her trip did include a philanthropic event at Shanghai Jiao Tong University on the 13th, but that was the only such event on her itinerary as far as we know. It was followed by a meeting with Chinese Vice President Han Zheng on the 17th, plus this meeting comprising the second sentence in the aforementioned statement:

During the trip, she met with a number of people, including the US ambassador.

She remained in China for a further 3 weeks of undisclosed activities and, I think we can safely guess, more undisclosed meetings.

Meantime, what was happening to Mitch after his dear wife departed? Well, two days after Elaine Chao left (not three days before, as popularly believed for no apparent reason), Mitch McConnell suffered a critical health event when he collapsed in his home in DC. The 911 call recorded that he lost consciousness, and a brief news report stated that paramedics performed CPR in the ambulance on the way to the George Washington University Hospital.

This was on June 14, a day after Chao’s philanthropic event in China but 3 days before she met with the Chinese Vice President. The aforementioned public statement concluded with this memorable third and final sentence:

The Senator’s health did not warrant an immediate return to the US.

Now this flummoxed several commentators in the media sphere, first because they thought Chao was in the US when Mitch was hospitalised, so the use of “an immediate return” seemed to them to be very odd wording. They’ll be cheered to know, when they read this, that it makes perfect sense when they realise that she’d departed two days before.

A more emotive response was elicited by the stark fact that a wife had chosen not to be by her husband’s side when he’d suffered a life-threatening event. I can see why that would be puzzling, but I believe I can throw some light on the subject by delving into their history. Look for that article to follow this one.

From June 14, we skip to July 6 when the media suddenly realised it had been a long time since they’d heard how Mitch McConnell was doing. Was he still in hospital? Yes, and there he remains to this day. Was his wife still in China? Actually, she arrived back on July 7, but they wouldn’t find that out until July 8.

In that knowledge-free space, rumours took flight, fluttering free, unfettered by facts. It is also when the fun began.

Laura Loomer kicked off the rumour mill with this post on X:

Independent media, excited but wary of Loomer’s unreliability, followed up with questions of their own. Was he on life support? Had he kicked the bucket already and nobody told them? The hashtag #RigorTortoise was born.

It sent the Senate Republican leadership into panic mode. For them, it was a desperate situation. They had to act quickly to end the speculation before Governor Andy Beshear took an interest in the current status of McConnell’s health.

Here’s where we meet the second big misconception in this story. A Senator does not have to be deceased to be replaced temporarily until a permanent successor can be chosen at the next scheduled election. If alive but unable to fulfil the responsibilities of the job, that is sufficient reason to appoint a temporary placeholder.

McConnell, knowing his health was deteriorating back in early 2024, persuaded his friend, Republican state House Majority Floor Leader Steven Rudy, to sponsor legislation calling for a special election to fill any Kentucky US Senate vacancy. But in the opinion of Governor Beshear’s legal advisors, this legislation contradicts the state’s Constitution, thereby rendering it illegal.

So, the last thing the General Assembly GOP supermajority and the US Senate Republicans wanted was for Governor Beshear to test the legitimacy of the new legislation by ignoring it and appointing a replacement for McConnell as per the Kentucky Constitution. Therefore, they had, of necessity, to persuade the media, the Governor and the people of Kentucky that McConnell was alive, conscious and mentally fit, and they had to do it quickly.

US Senate Majority Leader John Thune, Senate GOP whip John Barrasso and Senate wannabe Scott Jennings took on the challenge. Without Jennings, I might have given them half a chance, but with him, it was a lost cause from the outset. By the afternoon of July 8, all three had posted on X within 5 minutes of each other, claiming they’d spoken to Mitch about Iran and national security in phone calls lasting about 20 minutes. In the words of Sarah Longwell, publisher of The Bulwark, “The Next Level” July 8:

Wait, I call BS. He’s had this catastrophic health event, and you’re like, “Sir, what are your thoughts on Iran right now?” Like, that actually doesn’t feel like how you would approach that conversation.

Sam Stein, Managing Editor, followed up with:

I had the same thought. Were they all in a Zoom together when they had this in-depth conversation about these things?

I don’t think so, Sam. That is, I don’t think these three had an in-depth conversation with McConnell, but they may well have had a quick Zoom call together to coordinate what they’d say on X. Their goal was obvious: snuff out the rumours and hope it all goes away.

CNN was happy to play along. On their giant wall screen, they displayed the three posts plus a fourth X comment by Rep Jack Kimble. Just one problem: the new, inferior iteration of CNN does not know that Rep Jack Kimble is a parody account. Ooops! 🤭

The Daily Show didn’t pick up on CNN’s blooper either, but it was easy for me because Jack Kimble and I have followed each other for years. Even so, it’s a colossal blunder from a once-reliable news station.

And I stand by this comment!

My friend Jack may have been the first to parody the GOP fabrications, but he was soon in very good company. The following are in the order in which I came across them.

Unfortunately, for the Kentucky state GOP and the US Senate GOP, speculation was not ended by the joint efforts of John Thune, John Barrasso, Scott Jennings and CNN. On the contrary, it blew up spectacularly in their faces.

Governor Beshear is now paying attention, too. He wrote Mitch a letter dubbed ‘Habeas Tortoise’ by Allison Gill in Beans Talk.

Ascertaining the status of McConnell’s health is the obvious first step for Andy Beshear, and who better to ask than the patient himself.

Now sit back and smile as you consider the chaotic desperation of the Kentucky state and US Senate Republicans as they wrestle with the problem of how to cope with a letter that Mitch McConnell cannot answer in person.