Apparently, between his (or her) extensive conversations with House Speaker Mike Johnson, the good Lord managed to squeeze in a few moments to chat with and advise embattled Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert to flee her impossibly alienated Colorado 3rd District for the friendlier (and more conservative) Colorado 4th.
And the revelation of this unlikely encounter between the omnipresent and the omnidumba** was only one of the remarkable, and, highly unlikely, em, stories that Boebert spun in this extensive Washington Post interview, though it was among the first…
After complaining that sharing a Congressional District with an ex who was threatening to throw her possessions in the family pond was just too onerous, Boebert first minimized her handsy performance in a Denver theater and her search for a new church in her new district – one that would tolerate her decidedly rough and rowdy approach to… er… worship:
“She landed in the town of Windsor, a four-hour drive east, and moved into the first house that struck her fancy (“I’m very impulsive,” she said). She found a local charter school for her boys and has been looking for the kind of church that wouldn’t mind her rowdiness.
“People were freaking out about me dancing in the seat at ‘Beetlejuice,’” she said, referring to an incident, caught on a security camera, in which the congresswoman was escorted from a Denver theater after vaping and getting handsy with a male companion.
“Well, they should see me in church.”
“Dancing in the seat”… is that what the kids call it these days?
But soon enough she was was describing her one-on-one with the celestial:
“I’m not dumb,” Boebert said. “I knew all the attacks that would come my way. But I talked to God, I asked ‘How do I address this? Will this be perceived that I’m not fighting?’
And God said, ‘Do you have more faith in your ability to fight or my ability to open a door?’”
I’m gonna go on record here and say that not one single assertion made in that statement is true.
But things get really whacky when Boebert engages in a bit of myth making about the results of a DNA test that she and her trailer park mom had done when they were searching for Boebert’s AWOL father…
“When Boebert was four years old, her mother, Shawna Bentz, took her on a Greyhound bus from Florida to Colorado to stay with a man they barely knew. Before long they were back in Florida, moving in with a different boyfriend, only to quickly head back to live with the Colorado man.
“My mom could be, in a word, ‘flighty,’” Boebert wrote in her memoir, “My American Life.” “Perhaps that is where my need for adventure originates from.”…
…Bentz, who became a mom at 18, sometimes acted more like a big sister than a parental figure, and today she and Boebert call each other their “best friend.” Neither Bentz nor her daughter knows the identity of Boebert’s father. Bentz said the closest they ever came to finding out was when Boebert took a DNA test and found out that she was “part whatever Jesus was.”
“That’s good enough for me,” Bentz remembers telling her daughter. “Jesus is the only father you need.”
I guess poor Jesus doesn’t get a chance to deny this bit of blasphemy.
I fear I approach my fair usage limit with this particular article but some other fascinating revelations can be found therein…
That time Boebert was beat up by her middle-school classmates and had to be withdrawn from school – who knew that Marge Greene once lived in Colorado?
That she once wrote a rap homage to Eminem and submitted it to an MTV sponsored contest… though she declined to bust out and rhymes for WaPo…
More juicy details about her slap fight with Majorie Taylor Green.
And an extensive and detailed report on her Colorado 4th primary opponents.
All in all it is a very informative and fun read if you can wrangle your way through the paywall or have a WaPo subscription.
But I will leave you with one last quote that perhaps Boebert’s High School and Congressional experiences best:
“A few hours after finishing her event at the Wide Open Saloon, Boebert found herself in what appeared to be a large cafeteria, trying to figure out where to sit.
“Picking a table can be like getting in a hot tub,” she said. “You worry that maybe your presence will send everybody out if you’re not vibing.”
I’ll venture that the brat from Colorado finds herself in that particular hot tub quite often.
Boobert has found herself a new church yall……..I reckon…..
Folks, this is real……certainly helps explain the whole Trump thingy……
Well, she certainly IS a snake, so I guess she’d fit in. We know she likes to be ‘handled’. God, the stoopid hurts. She obviously was sexually molested as a child, given that unstable mother and homelife, and she’s carried on with acting out sexually ever since with her promiscuity, early pregnancies and bad behavior. Why Coloradans ever thought she’d be a competent Representative is a mystery. She can’t even deal with her own life in a competent fashion.
Is BoBo dyslexic? Maybe it was Dog that she was talking to.
You’d think that an all-knowing god would have known Bobo would not do any better in CO-4 than in CO-3.
Have you noticed, it seems only RW can speak & receive “personal” messages with “GOD”? RW want the World to think they are special & “messengers” from GOD! So, the term RWNJ’s is APPROPRIATE! I personally don’t know of anybody that has that speciality…wonder what the RW spin on that means?? Maybe, I’m not Godly enough? Oh, pooh…
That’s weird. I heard God say you are a lying whore and so is that voice you hear. Weird. I guess I’ll believe the voice I hear.
Did god tell her to marry the guy who exposed himself to her when she was a teen, get pregnant by him out of wedlock, sicken her customers with bacteria ridden food, tote around weapons of mass destruction and pose with her young sons in front of a Christmas tree with their weapons, lie her way into Congress, wear a “ho” dress to a theatre while smoking and copping a feel off her Democrat (!) date? That’s not the god I heard about growing up.
It’s easy to believe that she heard voices in her head talking to her.
It’s impossible to believe it was God.
I hear even the Devil can quote scripture. Maybe she should check IDs.
Dear Mike and Bibo:
Normally people who hear voices telling them to things are pur on a 72hiur hold and given antipsychotic drugs instead of running for Congress. I think it might help you.
Lauriepoo, what you were doing in your seat at Beetlejuice was not dancing. Most women recognize it as,an orgasm. Guess your ex was a lousy lay,on top of being an abusive father and husband. Go home, get some help for yourself and your kids. And tell the one who had sex,with a Minot and knocked her up to use a condom Every.Single.Time.