I wondered why Charlie Sykes didn’t publish a newsletter this morning. Maybe he’s busy throwing up, as other people in Wisconsin are, Their erstwhile senator, Ron Johnson, aka Rojo, both for the beginning letters of his name and the fact that he loves him some Vladimir Putin, told people that he would only seek two terms in office.
But that was before his constituency went into a literal meltdown. The thought of Rojo leaving politics is simply too much to bear for some people. They are dismayed. Nay, they are distraught.
They know that only Ron Johnson can save them and “save this country.” So they are begging the man, yes Sir, they are begging — with tears in their eyes.
Ron Johnson explains why he broke his promise to only run for two terms: “I didn’t want to do this .. but people are literally coming up to me with tears in their eyes, streaming down their cheeks saying, ‘You got to run. You got to help us save this country!” pic.twitter.com/XulmzjLDYz
— Ron Filipkowski ?? (@RonFilipkowski) June 20, 2022
“ROJO!” They screamed. Dozens of them ran out into the streets, tearing at their clothing and ripping out their hair. Soon the dozens swelled to hundreds and then thousands. Women lost control of baby carriages, dogs shat on their owners’ shoes. “Oh my God, did you hear? NOOOOOO!!!! Don’t tell me Rojo isn’t running!!!! Oh my God, I’ll kill myself!! I’ll kill my entire family!! I’ll get a SWAT team from Eric Greitens and I’ll wipe out the whole goddamn county. ROJO!! ROJO!! Hep me, Rojo, hep me!!! Don’t go, Rojo!!! Nooo-ho-ho,” they said, shaking uncontrollably with sobs.
I should share at this point that I have aspirations to write fantasy and what I did here was precisely that.
— αpríl ♑︎ (@a___rho) June 20, 2022
Apparently the citizenry of Wisconsin was able to calm down, once they were told that Rojo would indeed stick around to save the country. Thankfully, he was able to get on Fox News. All is well in Cheeseville, now. The king cheese, the one that stinks the most, will run for a third term.
Ron Johnson is on Fox News cutting a campaign ad for Republicans as anchor Harris Faulkner nods along pic.twitter.com/ai7qD4YoRY
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) June 20, 2022
This Ron Johnson? pic.twitter.com/j3kNF70w4f
— Informed Skeptic (@ddnorr1) June 20, 2022
Now don’t get me wrong here, I am thrilled that Rojo is going to run again. I have been losing sleep wondering who is going to represent us in Moscow this 4th of July, which is coming up so fast. Now I can rest easy.
Joe Biden said a few days ago, “This isn’t your father’s Republican party.” No, it is not. Nor your grandfathers’ nor Abe Lincoln’s, none of those. This is Vladimir Putin’s Republican party. And Ron Johnson is the perfect representative for that.
He didn’t mention how big and strong the crying men were…
He also didn’t say how they called him “Sir” when they begged for his help. Rojo isn’t much of an understudy, is he?
Rojo the clown moving his lips again. Is the definition of “republican” opportunistic liar?
Hard to believe he succeeded Russ Feingold!
What slays me is Susan Collins being in the line of succession from Margaret Chase Smith. Maine’s quality of leadership has plunged. I do like Angus King, though.