The last days of Rome were tragic and bleak but the last days of Lindell are shaping up to be high comedy. Let us begin.

You heard from Mike Lindell, the day after being mobbed in Mankato, surrounded by spooks, flummoxed by feds, who asked him to give up his cell phone, from which he ran three or four businesses. He said he had no computer. Mike, even I own two computers. One is old enough to vote, the other has a broken hinge, but at least they work.

Lindell also said on Steve Bannon’s podcast, that he would have the representation of the “best lawyers” and named Kurt Olson, (right!), somebody named Andrew Parker, and Alan Dershowitz.

It doesn’t sound like Dersh is all eager to get involved with this one. We understand completely.

Dershowitz is trying to claw his way back into the land of the respectable. This is the last freaking thing he needs, to go out there into fantasy land with Lindell, “where no man has gone before” and we quote.

And then there’s this. This is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous tapes that Lindell has ever made and that is saying a mouthful. Let me be clear: I’m not laughing at the stressed out employees. My heart goes out to anybody who works for this clown. It’s his concept of the law and “standing” in particular that puts me on the floor and keeps me down there, gasping for breath.

“This horrible thing called standing.” Yeah, Mike. It’s like that crazy little thing called love. Or something.

If My Pillow is employee owned, they should fire Lindell. That’s what they need to do. That’s the only way to save themselves.

But wait…employee owned…the workers own the means of production. Oh, boy, something is tickling my grey matter…bear with me now, it’s on the tip of my tongue…..OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN! The people own the means of production and there is no class based exploitation! My Pillow is a communist organization!!! ARGGHHHH!!!!! 

Well, you heard it from the boss’s, Comrade Lindell’s own mouth, the employees own the place.

And quite a group they are. There are Dems and liberals there, you heard that, too.

They should revolt. Workers of the world unite, seems to me I heard that one someplace. They should have a meeting at Hardee’s and put together a means of taking over the factory and barring Lindell from the premises. Maybe Alan Dershowitz could advise them. Frankly, I think the odds of Dersh advising the workers how to stage a coup de l’usine is greater than Dersh advising Lindell on how to sue the United States government and the F.B.I.

Guess what Mike? You ain’t goin’ where “no man has gone before” you are going to where you’ve been before, which is a cell. The only question is whether it’s padded or not.

And we would like to see you get another phone. Hardee’s is running a swell special on pillowy biscuits, capping off of your legacy, and we want you to be able to join in the fun. Because we’re Dems and liberals and all. Even if we don’t work for you and would rather cut our throats than do so. But we’ll share a biscuit, what the hell.

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  1. Mike Lindell lied? Surely you jest!

    On a more serious (well, not really) note I’ve got a couple of other thoughts. That whole employees on My Pillow? Nah. I don’t buy it (pun intended). If each of them had a share equal in the company, and by everyone I mean Lindell too then I think your belief they would have fired his ass already is correct.

    As for the Dershowitz thing, in case he’s got some tweak in his search engine to route stories that include his name and our little blog gets his attention I have something to say to him:
    Yo! Dersh! YOU made the decision to get in bed with Team Trump and if only for a while drink that nasty orange Kool-Aid laced with god knows what. So who knows what weird acts you engaged in. But in that gross, sweaty pile of a Trump fluffers orgy you picked up a particularly drug resistant strain of (legacy/reputational at least) HERPES. For the rest of your life it’s gonna flare up into a full-blown outbreak! On your junk. Around you lips and nostrils too. EVERYONE’S gonna see it! And the worst is that even when you try to take really good care of yourself and think some new med. or some new holistic therapy has gotten it under control something (say like crazy ass Mike Lindell invoking you as his lawyer and we all KNOW you’ve met and interacted with him) and your “condition” will flare up again. By all means keep trying new treatments. You never know. But your legacy and reputation were boned the moment you signed on with Trump. Some things are forever no matter how much we realized we could have and should have avoided them ever being a problem.

    • Oh Jesus, that’s good! And then Lindell in a strait jacket and the voice over “He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Or how about, “A boy’s best friend is his pillow.”

  2. That must be a huge phone he has – he keeps the payroll, tax returns, shipping orders, invoicing and still has room for youtube videos, tweets and running a website all on it

    • On the planet zotar they have the BEST phones. The perfect phones. The biggest phones. Phones that automatically make perfect calls then scrubs them to keep the zootags from invading every decent citizen’s financial records.

  3. I think it was United Airlines that was “employee owned” for a whoile – in any case, some outfit I used to have to deal with in my job at the time. Thet were required to answer as “Good morning, this is employee owner [name]” I mahaged to control myself for a while, but funally I no longer could, and would respond, “Really? How many employees do you own?”


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