Trump Is Going To Tank Jim Jordan’s Dream Committee

You lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

I love it when they eat their young. Next to Traitor Tot there is no other rethug I want to see crash and burn in flames more than Gym Bag Jordan. And now it may well be his own Glorious Bleater that helps to do him in on his dream assignment.

Apparently old He groped me coach! is going to get the plum assignment as the Chair of the newly regurgitated Select House House Committee on the Weaponization of the Government, or some such lame shit. And this has been the source of nocturnal emissions for Jordan for years now, finally getting to have a go at his deep state enemies. 

But it’s already off to a rocky start. For starters, in order to ensure that their dimwitted Trump base gets that they’re following through on a promise, the name is way too goldarned long. Trombies need to be spoon fed this shit. But for the majority of the casually political, non Trumpaholic base, they don’t have the attention span to get beyond The Select House Committee on, before they switch over to the comics page. The title is too long, and makes no sense. After all, how do you weaponize the entire US government. Nobody cares.

Next up, Jordan and the GOP got hoist on their own petard by the Democrats. Howdy Doody McCarthy had barely finished announcing the name of the alphabet soup committee when Democratic Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries stepped in front of a microphone and dubbed it the Insurrection Protection committee. You’re all intelligent people, you tell me. Which title is shorter, snappier, and makes a clear and concise point? Jordan hasn’t even lifted a gavel yet, and already Jeffries has painted the thing as a bullshit witch hunt for moderates and independents.

But now Jordan is about to get stabbed in the back by the very guy who’s supposed to both his wingman as well as benefactor. The whole object of this boondoggle os to rewrite the history of January 6th to show that Trump was as innocent as a newborn spring lamb. But in order to do that, Jordan needs His Lowness to just Shut! Up! and let Jordan control the narrative through his kangaroo court hearings.

But Trump isn’t doing that, not by a long shot. FrankenTrump feels the legal walls closing in on him. And is the 3rd rate Walmart lawyers he has working for him have any ethics at all, they have almost certainly put their big boy pants on by now, and told The Cheeto Prophet to expect indictments. Most likely from multiple sources and fronts. Which I’m sure that the Orange Julius isn’t taking well, but he can’t fire these guys, because he’s running out of people with law licences that will talk to him.

And of course, overcome by paranoia, pique, and outrage, Emperor Gluteus Maximus once again took to Bullshit Social to vent his spleen. He lit into Special Jack Clark, running the J6 and pilfered documents case and his wife, spewing green oatmeal like a scene from The Exorcist, and then went a couple of rounds with Ron Hur, the Special Counsel investigating the Biden documents case. He called Hur a Trump hater, and a Friend of Democrats and RINO”S alike, conveniently forgetting that it was he who nominated Hur to be the US Attorney for Maryland.

This is a slow moving train wreck for Jordan. He already knows that his committee is a sham investigation, and anything he uncovers is purely partisan fodder for the FUX News base. But he desperately needs it to get out there unopposed, so that the GOP can use it for contrast ads in 2024. But when Hair Twitler has a Trumper Tantrum, it kills Jordan.

Because, just like today, every time El Pendejo Presidente belches slime, it gives the mainstream media free rein to delve right back into the J6 videos and committee testimony to refute Trump’s claims. And that’s toxic for Jordan, because what he wants is for the mainstream media to largely ignore his kamikaze court, while he shovels sludge at the FUX News base to rev them up for 2024. And every time Trumpelthinskin spouts off, the media just keeps dragging those pesky facts back up again. To people who will likely actually vote in 2023.

We all already knew that the next two years were going to be an unmitigated fiasco. All the Democrats have to do is to look serious and professional, pass popular legislation the House won’t even consider, and ridicule everything the House GOP does. But when the silly shits can’t even get out of each other’s way, and step all over their own messaging, God!, life in the minority can be sweet.