MAGA Mike Johnson Has Lost His Feeble Mind. Along With The House In November

On the good ship Lollipop   House GOP theme song

You know, there are two topics that are sure fire death-on-two-legs for the GOP in November. And those two are Trump relitigating the 2020 election yet again, and more of the usual lame ass MAGA House bullsh*t. And they’re about to get more of the same on both.

The Big Lie, after four long years, an 1-64 record in state and federal courts, and a rising number of state indictments against false electors is still a staple of Trump rallies. I find it almost impossible to believe that Traitor Tot won’t bring it up at least once tomorrow, considering the fact that he knows some of his base will be watching, and whipping that dead equine on national television will help to distract his base from the fact that he’s getting his fat ass kicked.

As for the House? Well, everybody who doesn’t dress in MAGA branded pj’s and Trump mug shot t-shirts already know that the GOP dominated House is a total waste of perfectly good storage space. They also know that the House has no must pass legislation on the floor, and in five weeks the House will adjourn for 6 weeks to go home, get drunk, and start campaigning for November.

But that doesn’t mean that the voters want the silly bastards to put a pot on their heads, pick up a broomstick, hop on an old dray horse, and go riding off tilting at stupid windmills! They’d kinda like them to at least pretend that they can hold a serious thought in their empty heads, and constructively spend the next 5 weeks doodling idly on their pads of paper, like their kids do before summer vacation.

But tilting at windmills is exactly what they’re going to get, at least for the next few days, if not weeks. Because with absolutely nothing to occupy their empty hours, they’ve suddenly landed on a new, national security critical, cause celebre to fill their empty hours. Namely, keeping Steve two shirts Bannon out of the federal hoosegow.

No sh*t. As of Monday Bannon is scheduled to present himself to a federal prison in Connecticut to begin serving his four month sentence on his contempt of Congress conviction. After a surprisingly long delay the appellate court shot down his appeal and ordered him to report to prison. Shock and surprise!!! Bannon filed an emergency writ to the Supreme Court to delay his appearance while he files them.

And this is the most critical thing in front of the US House of Representatives. Not saving the planet, not lowering prescription drug costs, not moving the Senate immigration bill. Nope, it’s keeping a two bit grifter out of the federal slam.

News Flash! for MAGA Mike and his ragtag band of ruffians. If you ass clowns are looking around for a St Dismas to hang on the cross at the right hand of the Cheeto Jesus in your ceremonial crucifixion scene, then you have picked out the the absolute, dead worst good thief in the world! Because there isn’t anybody over the age of 10 in this country that doesn’t already know everything there is to know about martyr Bannon.

He is the dead worst of everything about MAGA and Trump. He’s a cheap, bottom feeding con man who looks like he should be sleeping on a hot air grate in Paramus. He’s Trump without the veneer and persona, and he’s Roger Stone without the Nixon tattoo. A bombastic, bomb throwing revolutionary, he likes to think of himself as Che Guevara, but with a better beard. And an extra shirt.

To know Bannon is to hate Bannon. Lucifer himself has a special room set aside for Bannon, between the elevator and the noisy ice machine. But that’s the task the imbeciles in the GOP House have set themselves, and they’re doing the best they can.

What they’re doing is to put together an official GOP House Amicus brief to the Supreme Court to keep Two Shirts out of the pokey, and keep him from giving the rest of the inmates cooties. And the argument that they’ve chosen is so brain dead stupid that I can’t believe a man-jackin’ one of them had the cojones to sign the goddamn thing.

Here it is, in all of its pristine stupidity. MAGA Mike and his measly minions are claiming that since The J6 Committee had no actual authority to hold the investigation, anything they did or uncovered was fruit from a poisoned tree, and therefore Bannon cannot be held in Contempt of Congress for an illegitimate investigation.

How do I love stupid, oh let me count the ways;

• Special Select Committees have been in use in the House for decades, and are set up under strict House rules. An illegitimate committee will not receive funding for staffing and hearings
• Former House Minority Leader Cave-in McCarthy was actually for a bipartisan committee before Traitor Tot threatened to dye his hair purple, whereupon he changed his mind, forbidding GOP members to serve on the panel
• Speaker Nancy Pelosi promptly danced rings around McCarthy, getting two principled conservatives, Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger to sign on anyway, making it a bipartisan committee
• Once the committee was up and running, the House GOP never questioned the legitimacy of the committee, or its work. Instead they attempted to set up a laughable minority committee to do their own investigation and provide a counter narrative

But here’s the McGuffin. Bannon wasn’t charged with obstruction, or perjury. Hordes of faithful Trump flunkies did the smart thing, and filed lawsuits contesting the subpoenas, successfully running out the clock on the committee and its subpoenas. Like fellow mental misfit Peter Navarro, Bannon simply blew off the subpoena by claiming executive immunity, even though Trump never claimed it, and blew them off. He was looking for a fight, and he got it.

Look, there are already a record number of GOP House incumbents, mostly in vulnerable swing or court redistricted seats that are voting with their feet rather than share a ballot with Trump. The ones who are left are going to look like emoji turds if they sign onto this blivet, and their Democratic opponents hammer them with it. Welcome to the tropical paradise of Trumptopia, where the weather is always rainy, and the beer is always warm.

I thank you for the privilege of your time.

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