Exclusive! ICE Hiring Blitz Causing Hoard Buying And National Shortages /s

WASHINGTON DC – POLITIZOOM 

Just at the time when the first tendrils of President Trump’s unpopular tariffs are just starting to be felt more broadly, a government program may well be about to worsen the problem.

As part of President Donald Trump’s Big, beautiful Bull, congress authorized the hiring of up to 10,000 new ICE agents to be thrown into the breach in Trump’s war on undocumented immigrants. DHS has ramped up national training capacity in order to get the new agents on the streets as soon as possible.

Which is leading to an unexpected side effect. National retailers, especially sporting goods stores are reporting a strange, off season on a couple of unusual items. Black down filled vinyl jackets, and full face ski masks.

Both are extremely popular items for ICE agents. The down filled vinyl jackets because they are intimidating, making even a 98 lb. weakling look like he can take down a brick wall by himself. And the ski masks are popular due to the fact that under their new direction, ICE agents no longer want their families to know what they really do for a living. Mostly they tell them they’re pimps in Orlando. Something with a little class and dignity.

I’ve been in this business 27 years, and I’ve never seen anything like it in my life, said Randy Pottle, owner of Pottles Outside World and Sporting Goods. Usually nobody even looks at these things until the first snow hits, but this year it’s like Black Friday, people are getting into fist fights in the aisles. My clerks won’t even try to stock the shelves, they just roll the supply carts out the stockroom door and down the aisle, and stay where it’s safe.

This unexpected Gold Rush on the two items are raising fears and reminders of the Covid-19 crisis, when panic hoard purchasers maxed out their credit cards buying staple necessities, only to turn around and sell them online for a 100-500% profit. If the supply chain is disrupted by the tariffs, I could easily see somebody buying a bunch of ski masks for $20 each, then selling them online for $100. The down filled jackets would go for even more, said one market analyst we spoke to.

The worry is that if the situation continues, it could have a dampening effect on recruiting. As one unidentified recruit told this reporter, his hands covering his face to conceal his identity, I don’t care what happens, I’m not hitting the streets, or anybody else until I get my down filled jacket and ski mask. These days, that’s all the ID you need.

And in a related ICE story, it appears that at least some ICE agents in the Pacific Northwest are still showing deficiencies in their geography and map reading skills.

On Saturday afternoon, a bus owned by the Burning Bush Methodist Church was carrying a wedding party of 46 people from a wedding held at the church to a banquet facility about 25 miles away. Midway there, the bus was stopped by an ICE checkpoint, and that’s when things went wrong.

According to a guest on the bus, two masked men in bulky black down filled jackets boarded the bus. One snarled, Who are you people? We’re a wedding party, we’re going to the reception. Where’s the reception? Up the road in Vancouver. Vancouver? Lemme see your passports. No, no officer, Vancouver, Washington, just up the road. I don’t care if it’s Vancouver on the moon, you aren’t going there without passports. Now turn this jalopy around before I lose my temper!

Fortunately, the day, and the wedding reception was saved by Sheldon Sliderule, an eight year old guest on the bus. As his father explained to this reporter, Sheldon leaned over and told me that those ICE imbeciles didn’t actually stop us, they stopped a bus, with a whole lot of people on it. Sheldon’s father related this information to the rest of the bus, and upon its arrival back in the church parking lot, the guests simply climbed into their own cars, and drove to the reception without a second glance from the ICE agents at the checkpoint.

This story is instructive, since it has a valuable lesson we can all learn from. And that lesson simply confirms something I think most of us have known for quite a long time now. No, your average ICE agent is not smarter than a fourth grader!

I thank you for the privilege of your time.

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