As anybody here who has ever worked retail knows, November 1 is the day that the Jack O’Lanterns are cleared away, the Halloween costumes go on sale at 75% off, and the rush for Thanksgiving and Christmas starts full throttle.

And guess which tacky conman is right on top of it? Yep. If anybody knows the veracity of P.T. Barnum’s edict, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public,” it is Dimestore Donald.

Now I will give Trump credit for this. This is so unspeakably tacky, even for him, that it’s almost genius. The thought crossed my mind to get a roll of this crap and send presents wrapped in it, but I immediately abandoned it because I’m not going to put a nickel in his pocket. But I’ll bet there are a certain number of libs who will buy it, and if so, the joke’s on them, he’s got your money. Here’s the rest of his email pitch, if you’re not on his mailing list.

President Trump asked us to personally reach out to you because he wants to make sure you get our NEW Trump Gift Wrapping Paper in time for Christmas.

He requested that we give PRIORITY ACCESS to a small group of his BEST supporters, like YOU.

We haven’t released this to the general public yet, so for today ONLY you can get our iconic Trump Gift Wrapping Paper before ANYONE ELSE. […]

President Trump really wants YOU to have this wrapping paper FIRST, Friend, so make sure to get yours TODAY before it’s sold out.

This offer is only available to you for TODAY, so please place your order IMMEDIATELY. >>

$35 for a roll of wrapping paper. In the real world you can get 120 square feet of gift wrap for ten bucks. I’ll bet this roll is chintzy and small, just like the man whose likeness it bears. And while you’re here, you might as well see it all.
Now you know the truth. Fascism isn’t coming to America wrapped in the flag, it’s coming wrapped in Trump gift paper and carrying Trump Xmas ornaments. As you see, Amazon will get them to your house tomorrow.
This could be how half of America spends Christmas, with Trumpty hanging on the tree and wrapped around all the gifts. Do you suppose that this is what the holidays look like at the Cruz and Hawley residences? Takes your appetite away, doesn’t it?
Help keep the site running, consider supporting.

Support the site with a subscription today and see no more ads!

Go Ad-free Now!

12 COMMENTS

  1. I want to have some wrapping paper made with MT’s mug on it. But instead of “Seasons Greetings” it will say “F%*& Kreesmus”.

  2. Reminds me of a SNL skit featuring a chain smoking, sleazy dan Aykroyd playing a pitchman being interviewed at christmas, selling a big clear bag of broken glass. He kept saying, ” u know. For the kids at Christmas.” The American public. Too fucking stupid for hell itself.

    • If he ever sees the inside of a prison cell, he’ll try selling the Trump collection jump suits with the Trump logo, and for those bachelorette parties the tear away version – same cheap material as the regular ones but for double the money.

  3. Ha, I was thinking the same thing, use to wrap a gag gift (note the double meaning in this case). Like you, I couldn’t rationalize giving that fool a dime, let alone 3500 of them.
    Plus, if you didn’t use a throw-away email address, you’d turn your inbox into a SPAM sewer.
    I’m still unsubscribing from mailing lists spawned by the likes of DSCC, DCCC, DNC, Act Blue, etc.

  4. Hey, does it come in convenient 4” rolls. I need it to clean something near and dear to me. I’m sure Donald would understand seeing as he’s a complete one. Make sure it’s the extra soft version. The skin tissue in this area is rather sensitive.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

The maximum upload file size: 128 MB. You can upload: image, audio, video, document, spreadsheet, interactive, text, archive, other. Links to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and other services inserted in the comment text will be automatically embedded. Drop files here