“He ain’t no drag. Papa’s got a brand new bag.” — James Brown
Jim Bakker is in a quandary. Actually, it’s more of a conundrum. Very simply, there’s no damn money coming in, he’s in his 80’s, nobody is buying apocalyptic pancake mix anymore, much less turkey tettrazini that will last for 25 years and what’s an old con artist to do? I’ll tell you what. He needs to get some new material.
Remember the Miracle Blanket back in August? You put your bills under it and they end up marked “Paid?” That gag flopped big time. First, nobody wanted to shell out 1,000 bucks for it, and then those godless heathens in California said the blanket was constructed from material that violated Proposition 65 and that turned it into the proverbial wet blanket jimmy pronto.
But Bakker is not one to stay down. No Sir, he’s like Richard Nixon and Dracula, he’ll always keep coming back long after you think he’s out of the picture. Now Bakker is hosting people on his show to talk about the War in Heaven. What’s that you say? Didn’t God cast out Satan many centuries ago? No, not that war, we’re talking about the one between Saturn and Jupiter, which explains January 6. Here, just listen.
We genuinely have no idea what Derek and Sharon Gilbert are talking about in this clip. Are they saying that the Jan. 6 insurrection was an attack by "New Agers and occultists" to restore worship of the pagan god Saturn and "prevent the return of Jesus Christ?" pic.twitter.com/7ErHSxbZ2W
— Right Wing Watch (@RightWingWatch) December 17, 2021
I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying, “It can’t possibly get worse.” Oh ye of little faith, when dealing with right-wingnuttia, it always can and does get worse. Take a look at Sharon Gilbert’s recent outing on television when she revealed that a space alien tried to have sex with her.
End Times preacher Sharon Gilbert says that an alien imitated her husband, and then it tried to have sex with her, and then it claimed to be Xerxes, and then Jesus got involved, and then the alien turned out to be a reptile with a posse of gargoyles. pic.twitter.com/aBqC2IMSqn
— Hemant Mehta (@hemantmehta) November 23, 2021
“Who are you? Doot doot doot doot. No, who the hell are you?…I really wanna know.”Â
Well, Reverend Bakker, whatever handle you’re going by these days, the Right Reverend Ex Con Bakker, if these are the people you’re depending upon to swell your coffers, good luck with that. Let us know how it works out.
Here’s a solution.
Tune in next week, when Jim Bakker will explain to you how Quetzalcoatl and Osiris are responsible for January 6. If he’s lucky, he’ll get Fox News to cover the story. Maybe they’ll run a chyron asking for donations for his ministry. Hope springs eternal, right?
That preacher is wacked out and consumed with guilt. She probably does believe in her Jeebus and all the stuff RWNJ KKKristian (male) leaders teach about women being servants to their hubbies and of course all that “sex is evil but forgivable if it’s for procreation” stuff. She fears going to hell I think for a lifestyle that doesn’t fit that narrative. From where I sit he guilt over being a lifestyle cuckoldress overwhelmed her to the point where she confessed on camera, albeit creating some weird-assed narrative about it. Then again maybe her bedroom activities involve cuckcolding combined with some sicko beastiality cosplay!
Remember that none other than Jim Bakker got his ass in trouble over not practicing the marital vows and RWNJ sexual norms he and his ilk preached. I guess it’s not only the male preachers in that realm that like to get their freak on behind closed doors!
Even more fun is that the Bible itself (well, in the New Testament part that stars that Jesus person the Christians say they worship) says the marriage is NOT intended for followers of Jesus. Marriage, in fact, was offered as an option so that men (nothing about women) would have an outlet to satisfy their lustful urges (basically, Paul was saying, “Dude, keep it in your robes but if you’re too damn horny, find a woman and marry her–but she’s the only chick you can bone”; women, as I noted, were completely irrelevant since they weren’t even supposed to think about sex except as an unpleasant task to be endured for 30 seconds).
I think she was dreaming the whole thing.
The esteemed Jeffress, pastor of First Baptist Dallas is going to host DJT at worship service this coming Sunday. He also made a statement that the current administration is the most Godless in US history. I could be wrong, but he seems like a sell-out to me. Not too many of these right-wing religious types seem to have their heads on straight.