Does Trump Know He’s Promised People Huge Money For Drugs?

Here in Wonderland, where the words mean what you want them to mean, we find out that Mad King Donald has managed to trump himself when it comes to his next ridiculous economic promise. You thought that his definition of tariffs was original and you were right: in any other era a tariff was understood to be a tax on foreign goods paid for by the consumer. But the game show host in the Oval Office decided that that wasn’t exciting enough for him. So he came up with New! Improved! Tariffs that will make you rich! And he has sold that fantasy to a nation of believing rubes. Now we find out that prescription drugs are going the same way. It’s your path to wealth, friends. In fact, you would do well to persuade your doctor to just start writing prescriptions right and left and hey, kick her down a few bucks, too, right? A Gucci bag or something. You can well afford it.

We've got like 10 prescriptions in my family. We're going to be rolling in the bucks according to Trump's math.

— Jill Nash (@jcnash) August 4, 2025

I’m tellin’ ya, get something to wake up, something to sleep, something to relax a muscle, something to stimulate it, something to make you hungry, to stop hunger altogether, laxatives, diuretics, blood thinners, blood pressure pills, hey, get creative here. This new plan of Trump’s is going to go far past the car in every driveway and a chicken in every pot. That was for pikers.This is going to put a German import (a flying one, no less) and lobster tail(s) in every pot. And the pots themselves will be made out of sterling silver, and sit on a La Corneau stove. You deserve no less, right?

And if it’s reduced by 1,500%, like Trump is talking about, then the big checks start coming in, just like the tariff checks. Except those are going to the Treasury (in this Trumpian fable) so we need to find out if our individual pharmacies are going to pay us out in cash or Trumpcoin, or $Melania or what exactly. That’s important that we know the liquidity of our wealth. Or Trump Bucks. Remember them? There were actually MAGAs who went into the bank to redeem their Trump Bucks and those killjoy bankers told them that they were commemorative only, and had no value as currency, remember? Damn. I mean, that’s cold.

And since you’re here, here’s his genius comments on the statistician that he fired.

After firing the Bureau of Labor Statistics Commissioner over a terrible jobs report, Trump says he’ll announce a new statistician “sometimes over the next 3-4 days.”

“We had no confidence. The numbers were ridiculous, what she announced.”
pic.twitter.com/KLq6ODWWE5

— Republicans against Trump (@RpsAgainstTrump) August 4, 2025

So who are we going to get as our new statistician?

1. Catturd? He’ll just claw the statistics into the sand?
2. Eric Trump, with an adding machine?
3. Kevin Sorbo with an abacus?
4. Jared Kushner, who read 25 books on accounting?
5. Junior, who understands all things mathematical, as long as they are measured in grams and 8ths of ounces?

We’re only going to have to wait three or four days. Thank goodness he didn’t say “two weeks” or we would know that the entire Bureau of Labor Statistics was shut down for good. Although that may be the announcement in three or four days. DOGE and all, right? Why waste time on silly things like giving experts data so that they can make an informed opinion? Just keep those tariff and drug rebate checks rolling. Better idea, right?

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Friends, if we could get just seven new ad-free subscriptions this week, it would give us that much more of a cushion on our overhead expenses. Times are tough and evidently about to get a lot tougher with El Genius in Washington. Thanks. Ursula

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