How would you like to have been in the meeting at Tesla when a prototype of the pickup truck was unveiled? Try to imagine the good laugh that you would’ve had, “Ah, that’s funny – a Lego one! Now, where are the real drawings… ” The oft-ridiculed pickup truck is sort of a one-off for Elon Musk, who – say what we will (And we will), is usually pretty good at picking up on future trends. This one really hasn’t seemed to have taken off, in part because it sure looks as though the back hatch doesn’t even open, or at least most of us haven’t seen one open to the air. Speaking of taking off, the United States Air Force does believe that there is a use for such trucks; they can be used as targets for new precision bombs in development.
Despite the fact that it is reprehensible to advocate violence of the type that we’ve seen already befall Tesla products, this would seem to be a good use for them. According to a report in Stars and Stripes, they are going to be targeted:
The U.S. Air Force wants to purchase two Tesla Cybertrucks as targets for precision-guided munitions, citing concerns that adversaries may start using them in the future. Federal contracting documents posted online show the trucks as part of a larger buy of 33 vehicles that will be sent to White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico to support U.S. Special Operations Command.
To be sure, the trucks look a lot like the new stealthy planes and ships used by our defense forces but one doubts that the developers had this in mind when coming up with what is likely the single ugliest vehicle developed short of a Pinto – which, though they also exploded, were – to be fair, a lot cheaper. Sadly, the Air Force isn’t only going to bomb Tesla trucks:
The Air Force didn’t specify makes for the other 31 vehicles on its wish list — which includes sedans, Bongo trucks, pickup trucks and SUVs — but singled out the Cybertruck because of its unique build, which makes it tougher to destroy. The truck doesn’t sustain the amount of damage expected from a major impact, the Air Force wrote, and tests need to reflect real-world situations.
Unique build, making it tougher to destroy? How about being even tougher on the eyes? And while on the subject of eyes, has anyone ever seen one that wasn’t “overcast-colored grey, making them even harder to see coming down the road? God only knows that we wish they were entirely invisible. It is tough to tell what might make them harder to destroy, other than the fact that the triangle on a triangle feel of them perhaps makes use of stronger seams. Maybe.
Either way, though it is very tough to support the U.S. government buying up Musk’s products, it is easy to support just buying two and then obliterating the hell out of them. They could sell video of it after the fact to pay for the exercise. Violence against vehicles or people is never an option outside of self-defense, but there’s nothing wrong with seeing them blown up when they were going to be destroyed anyway.
How is it that DOGE didn’t work out a deal where two were just given away for disposal? Serving two purposes at once, training the Air Force while cleaning up all records of that design? How did that design meeting go, after all? Assume that none of them are still with Tesla…
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I saw something claiming the stainless steel body is more substantial than on other vehicles the gomers turn into what our troops call “technicals.” I don’t buy it. Even .50 cal rounds will penetrate that body, and 2mm cannon from aircraft? They’d turn those suckers into Swiss cheese. A burst from an A-10 Warthog would blow a cybertruck up! As for missiles, if anything the slightly more substantial stainless steel bodies would hold the explosion from the warhead inside for perhaps another tenth of a second or so making things WORSE. Still, I can see the utility of testing since they will turn up on battlefields. Maybe. Testing would be a case of finding the least costly way of destroying one. Missiles are expensive, as are 20mm cannon rounds. If fifty cal rounds can do the job it would be well worth knowing.
Well, that’s one in the eye for all those people who have said the Cybertruck is completely useless.
Now, they have a use.