If you’re not up to speed on what’s holding the Arizona audit back from completion at this time (they were supposed to be done May 14 and they’re 1/10 finished) you need to listen to this clip from this auditor to get the back story on the Bamboo Caper.

That led an AZ Central columnist, Laurie Roberts, to write to the Justice Department, asking them to “protect our ballots from whatever the heck is going on.”

And so amateur sleuths in this official state audit are now using UV lights and 5K cameras to check for bamboo. Because if bamboo is found in those ballots then aHA! Enter: China. Or possibly, North Korea.Never mind the fact that not all paper produced in Asia contains bamboo or that not all paper that contains bamboo is produced in Asia. Or that this is INSANE.

Then she went on Chris Hayes’ show and said,

Be assured this audit isn’t about bamboo. It’s about bamboozling the Republican base in believing that something nefarious happened here in Arizona, once upon a time a model for the nation in how we conduct elections. It’s about keeping the contributions flowing and the outrage boiling. It’s about accepting no result other than the result that they demand.

I actually had a reader today who suggested how we can cut right through this and get moving on given the fact that so few ballots have been counted and the clock is ticking. He suggested that we just import a couple of pandas from wherever they are. He said San Diego, but I don’t think they have them anymore. Import the pandas, throw the ballots on the floor, see which ones they eat, and then we’ll know.”

That is a suggestion of Solomon-like proportions and certainly would be as cogent or sane a procedure as anything else going on in the Madhouse On McDowell, as that venue has been referred to in the past, but never with such accuracy.

You know what’s a real drag? I don’t know what the QAnoners are going to do about this one: bamboo grows in Arizona. Damn. But maybe the pandas can figure it out. Maybe it’s like fine wine, a connoisseur can discern the difference between a foreign and a domestic bamboo. Ya spose?

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  1. Oh, it became stupid quite a while back. Now it is transcendently psychotic. But there’s a bright side: Trump is happy that UV lights are being used, he always knew that was the answer — to something.

    • First, I was wondering how these idiots have been allowed to do, [ANYTHING], with these ballots, something that should be sealed under lock and key in a humidity/heat controlled condition and only be used under a supervised regular, office of elections, process that could verify all steps and protect the absolute physical integrity of the ballots proper … all this secrecy and Republican pressure to find, [whatever], to back the huge, mind splitting lie they want believed universally …

      There is a very sick and wounded GOP, squirming around like the snakes they are, fighting for nothing but an old creepy Pedo, with Federal AND State charges pending and more to come, failed business man and family with nothing at all to offer our country’s future but more pain and one side, instead of for all …

      Luck of the Irish has never been needed more than NOW …

  2. I have to wonder if falsifying election results and tampering with ballots after the election has been certified is a crime???

    • I don’t know where this thing is going. It is so out of control. I have always expected that they would magically find ballots but I don’t know how they’re going to make anything look legitimate, especially in this circus atmosphere.

      • Legitimacy is not a prerequisite for MAGAts.

        I can already hear them shouting from the rooftops, “SEE….WE TOLD YOU!!!”

        *shakes head*

  3. Once the bamboo is turned to pulp, it’s just like cotton pulp (used in the finest papers, along with linen), or pine pulp (used for most paper in the US): cellulose. If paper glows under UV, it’s from the bleaches used to make it white (instead of brownish like newsprint).


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