Individual One is in a pickle.

Michael Cohen went to prison for three years for his role in paying off Stormy Daniels, considered a campaign expense, without reporting it. Throughout the criminal case, both the defense and prosecution dealt with the matter as a campaign issue. Trump could not allow an affair to come out just before a presidential election. Thus, a paper bag full of $130,000 in cash was given to Stormy Daniels. Because the crime involved an agreement between two people, it was a conspiracy between Cohen and “Individual One.”

Now Individual One, having seen Cohen’s lack of success in the earlier trial, is hinting at a different defense. First, there was no affair, okay? But Trump was so concerned that word of an “alleged affair” would come out that he paid Stormy Daniels off so that… Melania wouldn’t find out and divorce his pasty ass (or just kill him). If I were with the prosecution, I’d say: “Fine, he didn’t want Melania to know. But it was primarily because a possible divorce just prior to the election would’ve damaged him badly. But he’s full of sh*t anyway…”

I am sure something like that will be said. But if the indictment comes down, Trump is going with the “Melania Defense,” which will make about as much sense as the “Chewbacca Defense” from South Park (Way below). Regardless, from Vice News:

Former President Donald Trump is dragging his wife Melania into his legal drama. That’s because his legal team is publicly arguing that a $130,000 hush-money payment to adult film star Stormy Daniels to buy her silence about their alleged affair days before the 2016 election had nothing to do with the election itself.

Instead, the payoff was really about saving Trump from embarrassment—and protecting his marriage. Legal commentators have long seen this line of defense as one of Trump’s stronger potential legal arguments.

Trump’s attorney appears to be threading the needle, however, by maintaining the sex never happened, but that Trump was still so concerned about a false allegation that he felt obliged to shell out serious dough to squelch the story.

I would say, “Good luck, spud,” except this would be a criminal case (No actual indictment has come down yet, but it’s widely expected at any point). Everyone knows that criminal cases are different in that the standard of proof is the highest that exists, though it’s met in courtrooms every day across the country. But let’s just see him charged first, for the love of God! Someone hold him accountable. Win or lose; the charge represents accountability.

Anyway, the Melania defense? The Chewbacca Defense:

[email protected], @JasonMiciak


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  1. One thing, he’s going to have to sweeten any prenuptial agreement he has with his wife, because she will have a slam-dunk case for divorce if he’s convicted. Even if he stays out of prison, without a First Lady at his side, he has absolutely zero chance of getting back into the White House. This is the case that could end his political career and his marriage.

    • And that is why defense attorneys are fighting so hard to keep that out of evidence as irrelevant. See my article on Trump trying to keep Access Hollywood out.

  2. What’s the saying? Once a cheater always a cheater. And he is a serial cheater. And she’s a cheat wife. It’s absurd to think that she wouldn’t know there would be others beyond herself. I would surmise that she had her own dalliances on the side because,well… we can see him too!


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