I know, it sounds funny, but at least it’s true. The Republican party, the alleged Party of Lincoln, has become nothing more or less than an outlaw motorcycle gang. And in all honestly, a pathetically piss poor one at that. Imagine an outlaw biker movie starring Paulie Shore.
Just look at the pathetic spectacle we all saw. Josh Hawley, who in a real motorcycle gang doesn’t get a vest, and gets kicked around by all the other bikers, didn’t even occupy his seat. He sat in the gallery, with his legs draped over another chair, skimming through random papers and shit. Really? What’s the encore tomorrow Josh? You gonna show up priding your colors, and picking your teeth with a shiv? Loser.
And here’s the thing. The GOP was actually an outlaw gang long before Trump took it over. They became an outlaw gang all the way back in 2009, when “Moscow” Mitch McConnell decided to make Obama a one term President. And in order to do it, he said Fuck that! to the rules, regular order, common courtesy, and the law. McConnell went so far that he forced Harry Reid to nuke the filibuster for cabinet and non SCOTUS court appointments, and then, when he got majority leader, simply refused to bring any of them to the floor for a vote. Or anything else. He snubbed his nose at the Constitution itself by holding a Supreme Court seat for an entire year, just cuz he could.
And the comparison between the GOP and a motorcycle gang is actually more appropriate than you think. Let’s just make a few quick comparisons, shall we? Motorcycle gangs are clannish, and love chest thumping, ball grabbing macho nonsense. Sound like the empty, useless GOP Senate? Racism is far and away the favorite leisure activity of motorcycle gangs, terrorizing any minority they can find, wherever they go. Again, notice a connection to the GOP? And sexism is rampant in motorcycle gangs. God forbid that the GOP MC should miss that one.
The main source of income for any respectable outlaw motorcycle gang is, of course, criminal activity. Sweet Jesus! Talk about the hand-in-the-glove. Trump has been abusing the emoluments clause since his first day in office, and a good part of his desperation in remaining President was to run out the clock on the statute of limitations on various pre presidential crimes in his business life. There isn’t enough room in this article to name off all of the Trump cabinet members and other Trump flotsam and jetsam who have had to retire from public life one step ahead of a federal indictment. And then there’s the slow runners, like Chris Collins in New York, and Duncan Hunter in California who couldn’t outrun the huntsman. And dare we even bring up illegal campaign contributions to the Trump Inaugural Fund?
And the organization is there as well. Every major motorcycle gang has a national leadership. That would be the RNC, with Trump at the top. And oh my God, doesn’t that present a visual image? His Lowness in a golf shirt, belly hanging out, with a sleeveless leather vest over it, stuffed with pins. The pins are actual honor pins from McDonalds, Wendy’s, KFC, and Taco Bell. The national leadership contains all of the movers and shakers, like the GOP Senate caucus, as well as drooling morons from the House like Gaetz, Gohmert, Jordan, and so on.
But the national leadership can’t take care of everything, so that’s where the state chapters come in. And God knows that the national GOP has those, and they’re coming through in the clutch. Just in the last two weeks, GOP state chapters have
- Officially censured Arizona state Governor Doug Ducey for not committing national vote fraud, and came within one Senate vote of jailing the Maricopa County Elections Board for not turning over confidential ballots to them
- The Wyoming GOP state party officially censured congresswoman Liz Cheney for her vote on conscience to impeach Trump, and demanded that she return all funding they gave her in her 2020 reelection bid
- The Nebraska stat GOP officially censured Senator Ben Sasse for the second time, for his continuing opposition to Trump
- The Georgia state GOP officially slapped down GOP Governor Brian Kemp, and slammed the Secretary of State’s office for refusing to find Trump his votes
It’s the typical gang structure. Loyal standup members who face the heat, like Collins, Hunter, Giuliani, Bannon, and Manafort receive pardons, and a place of honor in gang lore. And the traitors and turncoats are dealt with, as harshly as possible. And make no mistakes, loyal state party cooperation is a critical part of most House, as well as some Senate races.
See? I told you at the top paragraph, while the title sounded like click bait, leading into a humorous article, when you look at it more closely, the comparison is actually a lot more accurate than it would first appear. And of course, being your Murf daddy, I kept the best for last.
Everything you just read above is a blueprint for why the Senate won’t vote to convict Trump in his latest impeachment trial. Because they can’t. Trump is, and has been since day one, totally lawless, the perfect motorcycle gang leader. If they vote to convict Trump, then that means that there are actually rules. And a price to pay for breaking them. And if the President can be held accountable to the rules, then what chance do mere mortal Senators have? And they can’t go back to living as straight stiffs anymore. It’s so much fun to be a motorcycle outlaw!
Follow me on Twitter at @RealMurfster35
If the GQP were holding motor-bike rally, Hawley wopuld be the one turning up on a Honda 50
Count on Cruz and Gaetz to be right after him on their Vespas.
OMFG!!! I love it!!! Abd wearing his Power Puff Girkl bike helmet…
The Q Party and the e-Repub Party will not like the Electoral College. This possibility gives me hope.
sadky, I think noit…The GOP knows that the disproportionate distribution of electoral cotes in less populated, rural states is the ONLY path they have left to a Presidential victory…
There is no GOP anymore, its the GQP, the Guilty Q-NUT Party!
They would also be called snitches, and be kicked out, and worse. Where did Nunes go?
Like a lot of your stuff, this is funny but sad at the same time. Sad that the entire Rethuglican part of the Senate lacks the honor, truthfulness, and ethics to impeach. I guess the best we can do is get as much of all this out to the citizenry-at-large as possible and keep working on the midterms. We have a lot to do to backup our President; he can’t do it alone.
The harsh reality is that we’re in the midst of a domestic Cold War. The GOP knows that they can’t win by following laws, norms, and traditions. They recruit thugs to carry out their agenda by being thugs themselves – all while claiming to be “patriots.”
Democracy will be destroyed if we naively believe that unity and civility will win over these folks. We don’t need to stoop to their level, but we can’t lose sight of who they really are.