Let me begin, my dear friends, by wishing each and every one of you a holiday filled with peace, joy, and love, no matter what holiday you celebrate. When I worked for Zappos, the entire month of
December was one long party we called ChristmaHannukaKwankikah. The month was filled with pot lucks, prize drawings, games, and Jello shots. I think I speak for Ursula as well when I say that our lives would be far emptier and less fulfilling without you all in it.
All right, enough of the mushy stuff. So, what’s my fondest Christmas wish? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Please let Jim Jordan’s tough guy ego get the best of him, and have him agree to appear in front of the January 6th committee!
This ass gasket is the original empty suit. He loves to play off of his tough guy image, comes from a wrestling family, wrestled for Ohio State, before going to become an assistant coach for the team. He lives to wander around with his suit jacket off, tie loosened, and sleeves rolled up to his elbows, snarling and bellowing at everybody he sees and questions.
Dear Lord, what a cheap, piece of shit con job. Here’s all you need to know about Jim Jordan. Big tough wrestling coach, in great shape, and when the shots were down, he tucked his tail between his legs and hid in his office, instead of standing up for and defending his own wrestlers, who were being abused by the team doctor. Some badass!
See, Jim Jordan has a problem. And it’s not just him, it’s one he shares with other soulless sycophants like Paul Gosar, Matt Sugar Daddy Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, and the rest of the crew. They were all over-the-top badass Trombies when Traitor Tot had their backs. Now, Trump is a liability instead of an asset, and they have no rational justifications for their actions.
There is no legal or logical reason for Jordan to refuse to appear. He is not a Trump cabinet member, nor was he a west wing advisor. Instead, he is s sitting member of the House of Representatives, who swore an oath to defend the constitution of the United States. And the 1/6 committee is a constitutionally authorized panel. He has no real choice but to show up, with records in hand, and depose.
But here’s why Jordan can’t testify, and why I so desperately want to see him do it. Because Jordan is a guilty, hot fucking mess! Sweet Jesus!, the man can’t even survive an interview on FUX News for God’s sake!
A Former FUX News host asked Jordan a simple question, Did you talk to the President before, during, or after the January 6th insurrection? And when Jordan opened his mouth, I was instantly transported back to my misspent youth. I swore I was watching a rerun of Jackie Gleason on The Honeymooners, Hamana-hamana-hamana. I don’t know Chris, I talk to the President all the time. I think it was before, yeah, I think it was before, but I’d have to check my records, it may have been afterwards. Jordan clearly didn’t know whether to stuff his hands in his pockets, or wave them around in the air, and you could literally see the flop sweat rolling off of him.
And he did it again! When he received the letter from the committee, he went on FUX News to trash the committee. But when he was asked if he would comply with the letter, Jordan stuttered and stammered his way through an explanation that he was examining the letter, and would respond in good time. Jordan was in either Washington DC or Ohio, and I’m in Vegas, and I could literally smell the desperation pouring off of him.
If the 1/6 committee wants to actually make a profit on the investigation to turn over to the treasury, all they have to do is to turn the Jordan hearing into a Pay per view event. God knows I’d pay $40-$50 to watch the spectacle. How often have I told you how I love it when they eat their young? The highlight would be to sit back and watch Liz Cheney question Jordan. Her distaste and disgust for the man is both public and legion. I wouldn’t be at all surprised, if it happens, if some of the lower echelon Democratic panel members ask a few questions, and then cede the balance of their time to Cheney to hammer him some more. The traditional GOP is Cheney’s birthright and legacy, and Caribou Barbie didn’t know jack shit about what a Mama Grizzly really looks like.
So, there you have it, my fondest Christmas wish. And to be perfectly honest, I put the odds at 50-50 or better. I don’t see how miscreants like Gosar, Gohmert, Jordan, et al can resist a subpoena. They are constitutional officers, and if the subpoenas are legally issued, then they really have no choice. Happy Holidays Everybody!