Who can forget when we got married? Over the threshold I got carried. No other bride would be so sweet! Eat Mrs. Goldfarb, eat Allan Sherman
This little match made in heaven has been in the making for a while, but why do I get the feeling that it’s going to end up being a murder-suicide pact?
It started out rather suddenly last month when Traitor Tot announced he was putting the band back together. Well, not the whole band. More like the nose flute player, Corey Lewandowski. The mouth harp guy, Steve Two Shirts Bannon is still in the diaper pail, the armpit horn guy, Peter Navarro and the knee spoon dude, Michael Flynn are convicted criminals, so Traitor Tot can’t even practice with them while he’s awaiting sentencing. That’s why Jenna Ellis can’t do backup crying vocals either.
But good old Mr. Let Trump be Trump Lewandowski was a nice reminder of the good old days, and Trump has added a new band member, rhythmic beat belcher Laura Loomey. But His Lowness is making lemonade out of lemons. And who knows, maybe The little drummer boy, Roger stone will sneak in to show off his Nixon tattoo again.
If you thought the never ending, still! fallout from the Hillbilly Imbeciles childless cat lady remarks was stupid, and the fallout from Traitor Tot politicizing Arlington National Cemetery was obscene, and his performance was as bad as it gets, then just strap in boys and girls. because as BTO famously sang, B-b-b-baby you ain’t seen n-n-n-nothin’ yet.
El Pendejo ex Presidente is putting the band back together for what in his mind is a goddamn good reason, and The New York Times reporter Peter Baker knows what it is. He knows because he’s been talking to confidential anonymous sources in the Trump campaign, and purposely or inadvertently they spilled the beans.
Trump is an angry, pissed off old man, and he’s vengeful as hell. The way he lookes at it, he had the secret sauce back in 2016. Loud, crude, obscene and racist as hell, he activated a voting bloc that hadn’t been to the polls since Christ was a carpenter. And f*ck the popular vote, the electoral college is what gets you the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and Trump won that.
Being President for four years meant that by necessity His Lowness had to become somewhat domesticated in order to look presidential. And a combination of that domestication, along with the restrictions that Covid brought, and a more professional campaign team threw him off that 2016 secret sauce, and he got his fat ass kicked. Notice how Trump is never at fault here, he’s perpetually the victim of people and events screwing him over.
In 2024 Trump thought that he had found a new secret sauce. He didn’t have to campaign much, since Biden was unopposed in the primaries and wasn’t running either. And when he did campaign, as the change candidate, he had Biden’s advance age and presumed mental decline to campaign on.
Then Trump fell through The Looking Glass. Suddenly it was Harris that was the Democratic nominee, and it was The Cheeto Prophet who was the doddering oldster peddling senility at reasonable prices over the airwaves. Trump had no plan to deal with Harris, mostly because in his arrogance he refused to let his campaign come up with one when the trouble started, and now there’s no time.
And so Trump is going back to what worked the first time, the 2016 playbook, the one he never should have let anybody talk him out of. He’s replaying 2016 all over again, only this time on steroids. That’s what Q-Anon Neanderthals like Lewandowski and Loomer are there for, to keep The Gruesome Twosome well stocked with the latest hysterical conspiratorial bullsh*t, and then tell them how they knocked it out of the park afterwards.
There is so much wrong with this plan, but let’s just start with two. First, back in 2016 Trump was a freak show, like a carnival clown that miraculously made it all the way to Carnegie hall. Trump activated demoralized, low turnout voters with his shtick, but they’re still there and activated, all he can do is to try to turn them out. And in 2016 nobody took a word he said seriously. Once he got in they were sure he’d normalize.
Which brings us to the second problem. Starting on Inauguration day in 2017, rather than moderating, The Mango Messiah actually tried to follow through on all of that insane sh*t. That’s why he lost voters in 2018, and even more in 2020. This wasn’t what the saner GOP voters signed up for.
But now, at long last, Traitor Tot is finally plighting his troth to stupid. I’m sure he’ll hold the ceremony and reception at Mar-A-Slobo, with a cash bar knowing this cheap bastard. But one nice break for them. At this late point, they should have no problem booking a First Class suite on the SS Trumptanic. And by now the thing should be rat free.
I thank you for the privilege of your time.
I thought that boob stone had tricky dick tattooed on him? His back right? Does this dumb-fuck have two presidents inked on him for eternity?
Thanks Mate!!! Brain fart, lemme fix it!!!
I was laughing my ass off reading this! One question, might there be a chance of romance on the campaign trail for our hero? I. Picking up on a different look on his face plus a wide azs smile. He is standing up straight looking alive the zombie is gone! I vaguely recognize the look…. That shit eating grin. He is getting laid.
If Loony Laura is doing the mattress tango with Emporer Numbus Nuttus in hopes of becoming the next FLOTUS by guiding his campaign to victory, she’s seriously underestimating the power of the prenup. Melanoma isn’t likely to give up her current WINO status for any amount of long green less than the Mango Messiah’s actual net worth, and he’s well known to be too cheap to consider such a deal. As long as the wannabe is willing to put out on spec, he’ll take it, but whatever the campaign result, the current Mrs. T will retain her dubious title until deciding she’s had enough, which will probably occur the afternoon he’s sentenced by Judge Marchan.