It’s bread and circus time as the empire falls. But don’t count on the bread for too much longer, once the Emperor Felon’s economic plans get fully rolling. The stock market closed down on Friday after Trump threw a hissy fit over yet another bad month of jobs numbers. He fired the person whose job it was to generate the numbers and he’ll replace her with a loyalist. Then the jobs numbers will be booming — on paper. And we’ll have to get the true story by back door methods, since the government will no longer be a reliable source of labor statistics. But before we worry about how all that shakes down, here is the latest idiocy from the official White House Twitter/X account.

We are now told that there’s nothing “bizarre” about that at all. It’s just Linda McMahon’s son-in-law doing his thing.

I don’t have the slightest idea what this tweeter is saying. Somehow the wrestler is making a “real living in a real way?” Seriously? The most unreal spectacle of all is wrestling. What am I missing here? Is this person trying to tell me something profound or is merely three sheets to the wind already on a Saturday afternoon?

But you get the drift of this. It’s disrespectful, sensational, trashes an American institution and is “cringe” by definition — and so it’s pure MAGA humor. I would not be surprised if Trump decides to paint the White House orange tomorrow. Or maybe gold. He has destroyed it to this level already.

Rick Wilson has a parody press release from the White House along these lines. At least, it’s parody today. Tomorrow it could become *reality.*

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary
July 31, 2025
President Trump Announces Bold Redesign of White House East Wing: “Finally, a Real Estate Deal Americans Can Be Proud Of”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, President Donald J. Trump, America’s most successful builder-President and part-time interior design visionary, announced a transformative new initiative to Make the White House Classy Again by ordering the demolition of the historic East Wing and replacing it with what aides are calling “a high-end, high-energy, very tasteful ballroom-slash-party center-slash orgy center.”

“This will be the greatest ballroom in history,” President Trump declared while holding up a vaguely wet napkin with crayon sketches of disco balls and what appeared to be an animatronic giraffe. “The Obamas had boring architecture. Biden decorated the White House with train posters and old sheets of burlap. But me? I give the American people what they want: pizzaz! Gold everywhere, glitter wallpaper, bedazzling on the White House china, ‘YMCA’ on the hi-fi 24/7, 20-foot-tall eagle statues with lifelike Kid Rock figures riding them to arrest Jim Comey. And listen to this! We’re finally adding a retractable dance floor that turns into a skating rink and a pudding wrestling pit. No one could imagine this before me. No one.”

The East Wing, once home to the offices of the First Lady, the White House social secretary, and boring traditions like “diplomacy” and “decorum,” will now be transformed into Trump’s Executive Lounge & Leisure Complex™. This family-first facility reflects the President’s values of luxury, exclusivity, and unlimited breadsticks.

President Trump also announced the construction of the new White House Spa, which is tentatively titled “Jeffrey’s Wonderful White House Secrets.” President Trump also highlighted “totally classy, top-dollar” additions to the White House grounds:

  • A water slide from the Situation Room directly into a chocolate fountain
  • A go-kart track designed in the shape of the 2020 electoral map, with blue states serving as speed bumps
  • A petting zoo exclusively populated with animals pardoned by the President for Don Jr. to hunt
  • And a full-scale Chuck E. Cheese (“Eric’s Place”) reserved 24/7 for the Second Son himself, complete with a private animatronic band that only plays Lee Greenwood covers

When asked about the historical significance of the East Wing, President Trump responded, “Look, no one even knew it was there. It’s like the appendix of the White House. Totally useless. I mean, one of the Melanias was there once, maybe twice. But we’re replacing it with something amazing. I’m thinking we call it the ‘Freedom Pavilion of Luxury and Patriotism.’ Maybe throw in an NFT gallery. People love that crap.”

What the failing liberal media refuses to tell you (out of jealousy, obviously) is that the President’s plans are not just about elegance, they’re also about FAMILY.

White House Press Secretary Karloine Leavitt took the opportunity to scold the “radical, ungrateful Marxist press” for failing to recognize the compassion and generosity behind the renovations. “Only the lamestream media could attack a President for giving his adult son a Chuck E. Cheese. Do you know how many fathers abandon their adult sons and let them live with the knowledge that he pushed their mother down a flight of stairs when she got mouthy? President Trump is breaking that cycle. He’s a hero.”

Leavitt continued her critique of the lamestream media, saying, “It is deeply offensive to this President and to the 495 million Americans who voted for him to describe his decorating aesthetic as ‘Liberace Glitter Bukakke’ and ‘Like Elvis asked Saddam for decorating advice.’ We reject the fake libtard characterization of these important renovations as ‘Having the architectural merit of a ladyboy bar in Thailand, but with added grace and dignity of a meth lab in an abandoned shipping container.’”

The President also hinted that future renovations may include a Taco Bell in the Rose Garden, a shooting range on the South Lawn, and a 60-foot-tall golden statue of himself to be placed atop the Old Executive Office Building.

In addition to the exterior additions and renovations, President Trump has replaced all the White House’s priceless antiques with Sharper Image Massage Chairs. “Lincoln was a great guy,” Trump said. “But let’s be honest, he never had a massage chair with cupholders. That ends now, and America can truly be great again.”

Contact:
White House Office of Historical Abdominations and Branded Entertainment
1-800-USA-TACKY
[email protected]

I respectfully call your attention to the fact that this all started out as a joke. Even Steve Bannon thought this was a joke. Someone said to him, “Donald Trump is running for president.” Bannon quipped, “Of what country?” This was reported by Bob Woodward in his first book on this living hell that you and I wake up in every day.

Irreverance is fine. It’s very American, in fact. Irreverance can keep things in proportion and keep people humble. But out and out trashing of all our norms and institutions is not a healthy thing. It is destructive, juvenile and tawdry. DJT, in essence.

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3 COMMENTS

  3. About that plan for a “shooting range on the South Lawn,” when will it ever be used? Drumpf has never fired anything but hardworking employees who failed him in some manner and most of the MAGAts who are so fond of “standing up for the Second Amendment” don’t ever seem to use anything for which a shooting range is largely unnecessary. (The main purpose of a shooting range is for the shooter to improve their aim and accuracy. Meanwhile morons like Margarine Traitor Greene seem more fond of weapons for which aim and accuracy are largely unneeded as who cares about aim/accuracy when your weapon fires off 1000 rounds per second?)

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