The linguistic genius that lives in the White House sallied forth recently to a Christmas event wherein she gave gifts and read a Santa story to a group of children — who were trying to fathom precisely what she was talking about as she struggled with simple two-syllable words like “chimney.” Again, we reference the lie that she is fluent in five foreign languages, plus her native tongue, which makes her fluent in six languages. And that is world class, friends. Very few people living, or who have ever lived, have made such a boast but Donald Trump bragged about his wife’s achievement just last month again and if Trump says it, it has to be true, right?
Melania: “I’m working … my a** off on the Christmas stuff, that you know, who gives a f*** about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?”
Also – MAGA why can't she speak English! #DemsUnited
pic.twitter.com/6wHh8Xt0qK— LanaQuest aka RosaSparks (@LqLana) December 7, 2025
Next summer will be thirty years that Melania has been in this country. You would think that she would be speaking English like a native, right? And that would be a fine accomplishment, just being completely fluent in Slovenian and English — but Donald has to exacerbate the situation and claim that his wife is fluent in five other languages as well. Or, maybe it’s only four. Maybe he counts Slovenian as “foreign” even though it’s Melania’s native tongue and therefore not foreign to her.
Ah yes, the “Einstein” visa. Let us not forget that. And hey, maybe that was the right call to make. After all, Melania has a documentary coming out about herself the end of January, for which she was paid forty million bucks. It does take some kind of genius to end up with a pay day like that when you’re one of the most boring people on the planet. Maybe the documentary will end up being a kind of Edward D. Wood hit, famous for being so bad that it’s good.
And Melania won’t be a groundbreaker in that area. If you haven’t seen With Love, Meghan on Netflix, you’ve missed some real Edward D. Wood vibes. All that Meghan Markle does is blow up balloons or slice veggies for a crudite plate and this is pitched as “lifestyle” programming, a kind of Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous, with a royal family spin. I expect Melania’s documentary to fit right in with this particular genre.
The reviews of With Love, Meghan say that there is a “kind of fascination” with programming so frightfully dull that you can’t believe you’re sitting there watching it. I watched a few episodes, fast forwarding through them, waiting to see if they got better and they never did.
We are talking brain death on steroids vis a vis With Love, Meghan. I’m ready to bet right now that Melania may actually trump Markle in this department and her documentary will be even more stupifying. Let’s see what’s shaking in seven weeks.
Someone remarked how is it that Volodymyr Zelenskyy, who has only briefly visited the US, speaks English so much more clearly than Mel, who has lived here for decades?
And, if I remember correctly, Zelenskyy wasn’t that fluent before Russia invaded. He has dramatically improved his English fluency while also leading a war to defend his country — an admirable achievement.
i used to work with a bosnian who had been here a year and spoke english better than a lot of americans.
as for the rest of it, i used to watch curling in the winter olympics. so dull it’s weirdly fascinating. also, now i’m going to have re-watch that movie about ed wood, the selfproclained onky man to parachute behind nazi lines on d day while wearing a push up bra.