Join the Fun, Play: ‘What Caused Madison Cawthorn’s Earthen Vessel To Crack?’ Prizes Galore

As you have heard, Madison Cawthorn’s marriage has lasted 22.136 Scaramucci’s. (I got this from Scary Larry on Twitter and anybody is better at math than me.) To the rest of us the number is eight months and in truth, most people have had one night stands that have lasted longer than that, a one night stand being a useful phrase to describe both the quality of a relationship as well as the actual time it lasted.

Madison Cawthorn is generally despised and speculation on what finally sent the relatively newly wed bride screaming down the road to the divorce lawyer is rampant.

To that end, we will have a poll. Question: What was the final straw for Cawthorn’s earthen vessel, wife?

1. The machine gun wheel chair?
2. Getting the neighbor’s dog pregnant?
3. He said he was devoted to the three G’s, which she thought meant God, guns, and government, turns out it meant a three way with Gaetz and Gosar with Gohmert watching;
4. She heard him screaming on the phone at Mark Meadows, “WTF do you mean the shredder broke?”
5. He announced Rudy Giuliani was moving into the guest room?
6. Something else, see my comment below.

The winner of the poll gets a date with Madison. We will start a new series here, “Madison the Divorcee Dates.” That should start an epidemic of vaginal dryness.

For his first date, Madison will take the lucky woman of his choice on an evening at the city dump, where they will shoot rats, drink Night Train and eat Cheez-whiz on Cheetos. His new roomie Rudy will accompany them, and hop from pizza rind to pizza rind, his red eyes and nose gleaming in the dark. Even Santa is so embarrassed by Rudy that he’s renamed his lead reindeer George.

Stay tuned.