Twas the night before Cybsym and oh what a fright,

Poor Lauren Witzke got kicked off her flight,

Was it for selling heroin or insurrecting the right? 

We’ll never know on this epic night. 

The faithful they come from all round the globe,

While Mike Lindell’s words flash as fast as a strobe,

And with 37 terabytes you need the patience of Job, 

All to prove Trump had votes up to his lobe. (And Uncle Joe didn’t.)

Yes, friends, it all commences tomorrow and we’re sure you’ll set the alarm early or maybe be too excited to sleep. The Moonie paper, the Washington Times, tells us this: 

In-person attendance at Mr. Lindell’s event is limited to state, local and national politicians, cybersecurity experts and members of the media.

Mr. Lindell told The Times that he invited thousands of politicians from both parties. As of Friday, he said, registration was close to 500, including politicians or their delegates from 45 states. Mr. Lindell has offered $5 million to any person in attendance who can disprove his claims.

Representatives from Connecticut, Delaware, Rhode Island, Hawaii and Maine had not registered to attend, Mr. Lindell said.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, California Democrat, declined Mr. Lindell’s invitation to attend the symposium. She cited scheduling conflicts, according to an email obtained by The Times. A member of Mrs. Pelosi’s staff thanked Mr. Lindell for his understanding.

Nancy Pelosi’s not going, can you imagine? She’s probably got something better to do, like run the country, not run it into the ground.

The full duration of the symposium will be livestreamed on Mr. Lindell’s website, He said he hopes to attract 1 billion viewers.

“It’ll be the most seen event in history,” he told The Times. “I believe that because everyone in the world is going to be curious and to see this. And they’re going to be talking, going, ‘You got to see this. This is real. The United States was, their election was taken, hacked into by China.’ ”

The look on Steve Bannon’s face here is priceless.

You’ve heard the expectations. Let’s see what the reality is. The cyber symposium runs Tuesday through Thursday and we’ll know by this Friday the 13th if this was a lucky week for Mike Lindell.

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  1. “Nancy Pelosi’s not going, can you imagine? She’s probably got something better to do, like run the country, not run it into the ground.”

    Hell, if Pelosi does nothing but stare at a wall watching paint dry while contemplating the question of how many angels can fit on a piece of lint in her navel, she’s still got something better to do with her time.

  2. “He said he hopes to attract 1 billion viewers.

    “It’ll be the most seen event in history,” he told The Times.”

    Um, 1 billion viewers? “The most seen event in history?” Really?

    Hmm. The 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City drew a total of 2.1 billion viewers and the 2008 Summer Games in Beijing drew more than 4 billion viewers. Now, granted those numbers are probably a combined total from several days but if the Oscars (an awards show that genuinely holds far more interest for people living outside the US) can’t manage to pull in more than 1 billion viewers each year, there is no way that Lindell’s lunacy can ever hope to attract even a fraction of that number since it’s NOT going to hold any interest for the mass worldwide audience.

    • Wouldn’t surprise me at all. (That was my first thought also.)

      I’d bet all the politicians are GQP, and also the “cyber experts”.


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