What was it that Snake Plissken said in Escape from LA? The more things change, the more they stay the same. The GOP is nothing if not predictable, but they still keep trying to adapt.

Prime example. GOP Senator Ron Johnson apparently is even further behind the technology curve than I am. He proved that while trying to con pesky reporters by walking down the Capitol steps talking into a deactivated cell phone. He wasn’t fooling anybody, the camera caught two reporters telling him, Senator, your phones not even turned on, I can see the blank screen from here. But he kept walking and talking.

But here comes the new breed of GOP moron, George Santos. But Santos has the edge, he’s only 34 years old, allegedly. He’s young, he’s hip, he’s with it. Hell, he can even text and retrieve messages, something Johnson still needs a digital media savant for. And he learned from Johnson’s mistake.

The answer to pesky reporters, and even peskier constituents is simple, his iPod! God knows a weenie like that has to have one, dear God, the little twerp wanders the halls of congress wearing a junior high backpack! But he has to actually have an iPod. He can’t just put in ear buds and tuck the cord in his pocket. What if somebody tugged on it and found it wasn’t connected to anything? Instant Ron Johnson.

And if he has an iPod, the jackass may as well have a playlist and seal the deal, right? But what kind of tunes would a young, hip, GOP bullshit artist jam down to? I called in a couple of chits, and got a partial list;

  • Rhinestone Clownboy   Glen Campbell   (Sorry, I couldn’t resist)
  • Dancing Queen   ABBA
  • One is the loneliest number   3 Dog Night
  • Honesty is such a lonely word   Billy Joel
  • American Idiot   Green Day
  • I’ve got to break free   Queen
  • They’re coming to take me away, HA-HA   Jerry Samuels
  • I fought the law   Sonny Curtis   Popularized by The Clash
  • Living La Vida Loco    Ricky Martin   (Sorry again)
  • Talking in your sleep   The Romantics
  • B-b-baby you ain’t seen n-n-nuttin’ yet   Bachman Turner Overdrive
  • It’s a bitch, girl   Hall and Oates
  • You can’t hide your lying eyes   The Eagles

That should be more than enough for a full bore two block sprint from reporters and constituents, and even a workout. God knows the pudgy bastard could use an hur on the Stairmaster. ‘ll keep my ear to the ground, and if you heard any my source missed, have fun with it in the comments. Happy Sunday!

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  1. A couple of notes:

    “I Fought the Law” was FIRST popularized by the Bobby Fuller Four (a Top 10 hit in 1966). The Clash version wasn’t a hit in the US (and it only became a separate UK hit a couple of years after the Clash broke up; as part of the 1979 “The Cost of Living” EP).

    The Hall & Oates song uses that line as a lyric but the song title is “Rich Girl.”

    You might as well credit “They’re Coming” to Napoleon XIV; that’s the name that most people recognize rather than “Jerry Samuels.” (“Witch Doctor” and “The Chipmunk Song” aren’t credited to “Ross Bagdasarian” even though he was the actual performer; people recognize the songs as by “David Seville” and “The Chipmunks,” respectively.)

    • I realize, after looking at the comment, I left off some information on the Clash point. That last parenthetical should’ve read “(and it only became a separate UK hit a couple of years after the Clash broke up; it originally hit as part of the 1979 “The Cost of Living” EP).”


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