One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small, and the 1/5 of a pill that Donald saved you from would have put you on the other side of the grass. At least that’s according to the attorney general of these United States. It’s a good thing Pam Bondi chose to study the law because math is not her strong suit. Here’s how that ball got rolling.
Very impressed by Bondi's excellent work in saving so many lives. 119 million Americans who would otherwise be DEAD are ALIVE today, thanks to her.
At this rate, by the end of Trump's second term, Pam will have saved 1.737 billion American lives. Wow! That's about five times…
— Botted ShitLib Account (@CitedNeed) April 29, 2025
You see where the *math* starts to break down immediately. First of all, Bondi is assuming a massive fact not in evidence, which is that the amount of fentanyl which she’s talking about would have been distributed in that manner, amongst those many Americans. That’s the first fact that you’d have to prove up and good luck doing so. It looks like arithmetic has gone to join irony in her watery grave.
“RIP math” wrote David Burge of @iowahawkblog.
“Over one-third of the population would have died!” wrote blogger Bob Seawright.
“Wow, they prevented 1/3 of the country from OD’ing,” wrote Robert Hirschfield, director of water policy for the Illinois-based Prairie Rivers Network.
“Wow. If it were not for President Trump, 1/3 of the US population would have died in the last 100 days,” wrote George Mason University economics professor Alex Tabarrok.
“Apparently 1-in-3 Americans would have suffered fentanyl-related deaths in the last 100 days (from each taking one fifth of a pill) if not for the Attorney General’s innumeracy,” wrote University of Michigan economics professor Justin Wolfers.
“By the end of 2025, Donald Trump will have saved every American. Thank you, Mr. President!” wrote University of Toronto assistant political science professor Connor Ewing.
“Let me get this straight: You think 1/3 of the American public would have died as a result of one pile of drugs?” wrote Words & Numbers co-host James Harrigan. “Would the capture of 66m pills save the entire country from certain death? Are you dumb enough to buy this, @AGPamBondi ? Or do you just hope your followers are?”
That’s tomorrow’s headline for sure, “66 million fentanyl dosages seized, America has been saved.” Why not? It’s no stranger than what they did at the Ministry of Truth in 1984. Winston Smith was faced with the news that the chocolate ration was about to be cut by 25%, but that was such a downer that he decided to revise the statistic and write a headline that the chocolate ration was increased by 10%. And then if people wondered why the actual ration was smaller, hey, they weren’t about to question Big Brother now, were they?
“The party asked you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.” You never thought you would live long enough to see this leap off the pages of fiction and become a daily practice coming from the White House, now did you?
