This is gonna be one helluva show starting Monday night. And I mean starting on Monday night, right from Pesident Biden’s keynote speech. Because if you’re an old observer of politics, you’ll notice there’s been something largely missing from this campaign on the Democratic side. Rancor and sarcasm.
When President Biden was running in2024, he, being the old school politician chose to remain above the fray rather than engaging with Trump in the mid. He wanted his serious message about Trump literally being the death of democracy to shine through. The worst thing I can remember Biden calling Trump was The other guy, or The former guy. Depersonalize him by not even using his name.
And it continued once Biden stepped aside, and Harris took over. She almost always refers to him in speeches as former President Trump, or more commonly Donald Trump. Instead of throwing mud, she legitimately points out his criminal convictions, and her career as a prosecutor. Her comparisons with Trump are almost always fact based, in other words a contrast.
Harris surrogates have largely ignored Trump, preferring to spend their time extolling the virtues of Harris and Walz, as well as the positive aspects of their platform and agenda. And while Walz plays the attack dog effectively, his lines of attack are the kind of genial brinksmanship you’d hear in a wedding toast speech.
But not now. Not starting on Monday. These four days are the Democrats best chance not only to contrast their agenda with Trumpism, but to tar and feather Traitor Tot for exactly what he is, and has been for the last eight years on national television. And the lineup of prime time speakers alone is enough to send His Lowness screaming into therapy.
In fact, it’s already started, with the most unlikely of suspects, President Biden. A few days ago, when Biden and Harris appeared on the same stage to tout the first round of Medicare prescription drug cost cuts from the bill Biden signed, I can’t believe Traitor Tot didn’t hurl his Tommee Tippee through the Walmart flatscreen when Biden derisively referred to him as Donald Dump. But maybe his handlers had Thomas the Tank Engine or Bob the Builder on the screen for him instead.
And that’s why I say the fireworks starts Monday night, with Biden’s keynote speech. As you can tell by the Donald Dump crack, Biden is a man untethered, he’s no longer running for anything. And he hates Trump with a passion that is almost feral.
Biden has devoted his entire life to the people and constitution of the United States, and democracy itself. And Trump stands againt everything he has spent his whole life defending. Worse yet, Trump is literally disgusted by the military, while Biden lost his beloved son Beau to a cancer he likely picked up from burn pits in the service of this great country. This is his one shot to set the record straight, and I don’t see him wasting it.
Biden will speak with great pride and humility about the honor and privilege of his service, and his accomplishments. In 2020 Biden ran on protecting the soul of democracy, and in 2024 it was the survival of democracy. I believe Biden will start at Charlottesville, and then rip through Trump like Freddie Krueger through a sleeping teenager.
It won’t get any better for Trump. On the early nights, the young Turks and up-and-comers will want to piss all over Trump to mark their own territories, and the kind of bitch slap that Gold Star father Khizr Khan laid on Il Douche when he offered to lend Trump his personal copy of the United States Constitution can’t be bought. Only this time around, it will likely be horror stories of abortion restrictions and unfair treatment of immigrants that will flow like champagne at a wedding.
- When Barack Obama was President, he dubbed former President Bill Clinton as his Secretary of Splain’ Stuff. And Clinton will be happy to Splain everything you need to know about Trump and Trumpism before pivoting to everything you need to know about Kamala Harris and Tim Walz
- Hillary Clinton is going to want to go home with Trump’s shriveled little walnuts ready to put in a glass of water on her bedside table for what he did to her in 2016
- Michelle Obama is going to want her own pound of flesh for everything that Traitor Tot did, not only to her husband, but to her and their daughters for all of those miserable years
- And former President Barack Obama, whom I personally believe is the finest political orator since JFK, is going to make El Pendejo ex Presidente wish that he was back at that goddamned White House Correspondents Dinner again
And truth be told, there is sound political reasoning and tactics behind this. This is what you have 24k gold attack dogs for in the first place. To be sure, they will spend as much time extolling the vitrues of Harris and Walz as they do attacking Trump, but in the proper combination, they do the dirty work of ravaging your opponent.
Which leaves Walz and Harris free and clear to deliver their hopeful messages of Joy and Unity, to spread a vision of a brighter, more prosperous, more hopeful America to kick them into the home stretch. To be sure, they’ll prosecute their own cases against Trump, but on a more placid and surgical level.
And the Cheeto Prophet will be clinically insane. Normally the campaigns avoid scheduling events for their candidates during the other side’s convention, expecting the same courtesy in return. But Trump has already had his disastrous convention. And he knows what’s going on. And he’s going to want to watch every. single. minute. of that convention to restock his bile and grievance tanks.
And once those tanks are full, watch out for the grand eruption of Mount Saint Trump. He is going to spew so long, so hard, and so often that he’ll probably crash Bullsh*t Social. He’ll be on FUX News every hour on the hour if they’ll let him. He’ll be bellowing on OAN and NewsMax as often as they let him on. And if he can, he’ll probably book another interview with Skunk Musk on the Nazi platform formerly known as Twitter. The one bummer is that I don’t think the campaign has time to set up a fly-in, especially if it’s COA, Cash On Arrival.
And by the time he gets his sh*tstorm up and running, the Democrats are already deep into their Woodstock peace and love and harmony days of the program. And the American people get the ultimate contrast for three hours a night. In fact, don’t be surprised if some of the earlier speakers on Wednesday and Thursday don’t manage to weave in a few of Traitor Tot’s more deranged rants before the good stuff starts.
We live in strange times. As I said, normally an opposing campaign is radio silent during the other side’s convention. But Trump is not a normal candidate. And there’s no way he’s going to give the Democrats four free days to dump sh*t on his head without lashing out. And digging his hole even deeper. Extra butter on my popcorn, please.
I thank you for the privilege of your time.
‘Time has come today. Young hearts will go their way. They say we don’t listen anyway. I’ve been loved and put aside. I’ve been crushed by the tumbling tide. My soul has been psychedelicized. Time has come today. There ARE things to be realized. Time has come today.’ The Chamber Brothers
More Cowbell – with echoplex please