It was the best of times, it was the worst of times Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities
If ever there was a perfect epitaph for the 2024 Trump campaign, that’s it. A month ago Trump was on top of the world. Pundits and advisors were telling him to start packing his sh*t for 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. He was so far ahead he didn’t even have to leave the links to campaign, or spend on advertising. Best of all he had his faithful old dog Sleepy Joe to kick around. Life was good.
What a difference a month makes. These days his campaign is in shambles, he can’t get his sh*t together enough to complete an order at the McDonald’s take out window much less hold a rally, and his advisors are starting to tell him that the only way he is going to see the inside of the White House again is if Melania sends him an official 2025 White House calendar to Rikers Island. And good old Sleepy Joe moved in with his pups, and was replaced by a rabid pit bull named Kamala.
But I don’t even have to get all snotty and sarcastic to make my point, as much as we all enjoy it. All I have to do is to simply do my job, relate some simple facts as reported in the media lately, with maybe a little local color thrown in;
- When your campaign has to rename your rallies as policy events because your crowds are about the size of a Tuesday Women’s Book Club meeting at the library, your campaign is in trouble
- When your Vice Presidential candidate is now officially less popular than Caribou Barbie and Dictionary Danny Quayle, your vetting process needs an intervention
- When you’re Putting the band back together from 2016, and you can’t even take a phone call from members like Mike Flynn, Paul Manafort, Peter Navarro and Steve Two Shirts Bannon, because they’re convicted felons like you, the sound isn’t going to be very rich
- When you’re getting your ass kicked over training videos from Operation 2025, and the lame ass sh*t doesn’t even have any kickboxing scenes in it, you may as well start putting Swedish import films in your campaign ads
- When the only thing that your Hillbilly Imbecile is good for is following Harris and Walz around on the campaign trail to provide comic relief, you may just want to save the travel expenses
- When you can’t use Trump Force 1 to zoom around in anymore, since it’s under court seal, and you end up renting a private plane once owned by Jeffrey f*cking Epstein, fire your travel agent
- And by far the worst of all. When the woman who went toe-to-toe with you in the 2024 primaries, and told you to your face shit like, You’re old, tired, slow, and can’t even tie your own shoes anymore is going on FUX News to give you helpful hints for running your campaign, you might want to call and see if Sleepy Joe’s pups have a spare room in the basement of the kennel
See what I mean? If Ooka-Ma-Gook had used these plans while trying to carve out the first wheel, we’d all still be walking everywhere we go. And time is rapidly running out for the Trump campaign to have some White Knight come riding up to save the day. Except Trump wouldn’t listen to him. He’s too busy sitting atop some decrepit nag, with a pot on his head, a garbage can lid in one hand, and a mop in the other, playing Don Quixote.
But that’s OK, cuz I‘m here to help. Well, to help keep the giggles going if nothing else. Once the convention is over, it’s the Sprint to the finish! And the Democrats are going to have the US Women’s Gold Medal Olympic relay team out there. Harris will be on the trail. Walz will be on the trail. Biden will have to change his mailing address to a PO Box in Pennsylvania. Obama will be on tour, and Clinton will make himself known.
Meanwhile, poor Traitor Tot can’t even leave Mar-A-Slobo without a day nurse, and that Secret Service man is no longer carrying the Nuclear Football for Trump, he’s now carrying a fishing tackle box full of prescription sedatives for the day nurse. What’s a delusional dotard to do?
I have a suggestion. Clone Beggar Vance. Hell, he already has experience following Harris and Walz around, and making them look even better. Clone a few more of him, and let one follow each one of the rock stars, like a groupie ready to clean up the motel room in the morning. It couldn’t hurt. And best of all, they’ll all say the same stupid sh*t, no matter who they’re following, so the media will only have to play one set of Greatest Sh*ts clips each night.
Now, wasn’t that fun? But underneath all of the sarcasm and frivolity, there’s a very serious undertone. This is supposed to be a professional national political campaign for President of the United States. Sweet Jesus, I couldn’t find this much lame sh*t to mock in your average high school Class President campaign! 79 days. Run through the tape, and sleep in on day 80. Hell, we’re all going to have hangovers anyway.
I thank you for the privilege of your time.
Great piece, Murph. And by the way, thanks, I always wondered who invented the wheel.
Herr Trumpler has a plan and it’s ticking along nicely thank you, albeit under most radars: he’s accusing Kamala and her machine of fakery in every aspect of their campaign, from crowd sizes to poll results, and will thereby set the stage for his claims of election fraud come November. He has corrupt officials in place already in election organisations, all set to refuse to certify election results because of alleged irregularities caused by those dastardly dishonest Dems. In Donald’s scheme, the election won’t be over on election night; it will be over when the whole thing’s tossed over to the House to decide and all those Repugnican states return him to the White House.
“Policy events”? For a candidate belonging to a party with no policies and who couldn’t even spell the word “policy” if you put it on a teleprompter. That’s rich.
Still, the fool got elected in ’16 with much less than the popular vote. Staged an attempted coup/committed treason in ’21 which, had there been a single competent adult within 10 miles of the capitol, would have likely succeeded. Fast forward to ’24 and he has a host of treasonous minions in red states, and swing states, all set to throw ballots in the trash and when they can’t get away with that just not send the ACTUAL election results to congress AND possibly enough traitors in congress to refuse to certify the election at all thereby throwing it all back to the traitors in red and swing states….am I missing anything?
This is in no way in the bag for V.P. Harris-not when there are so many players drooling to overthrow our nation so they can install a theocracy the world has NEVER in its wildest nightmares ever seen before. Nope. Not in the bag at all. I’m not sure what, if any, plans there are in place to deal with the upcoming treason but if there aren’t any, we’re fucked unless they come up with some real fucking quick-like.
Harris has a legal team 10 times the size of Biden’s in 2020, including hiring Marc Elias himself. You better believe there are plans.
They want Charia Law.
Elaborating on Nancy’s comment: In 2020 the Marc Elias legal team went 60-plus to one defending against the spurious election fraud suits brought by the MAGA legal beagles, and now, armed with knowledge of the MAGA cultists intended course of action, the team has been reinforced, and is ready to proactively bring suit to force recalcitrant local election boards in red states to do their jobs and certify vote tallies whether or not their favored candidates come up short.
YES YES sharing MURPHY…. isn’t this fun…
Are we all FEELING GROOVY now?
I know everyone in CHICAGO IS!