If I May Cat Ladies, This Doggy Daddy Wants To Chime In

You know Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car – hell you even need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt reaming a**hole be a father (from the movie Parenthood)

Yes, that’s me with my “boys” in a picture taken over three decades ago. (I actually had less hair on top than it appears) I’m a senior citizen now. And regarding the issue of being childless, no I never fathered any children. I have however relished the role of being “Uncle Denis” to lots of friend’s kids. Even was a sought after baby sitter.  I know plenty of cat lovers and dog lovers. The bulk of them had/have children, whether their own or as step-parents. I’ve also know my share of both who like me never had our own kids or was married to someone who had them.

I was married just once. For six years. The rest of my life I’ve been on my own although there have been relationships including a few long-term ones. I really blew it with one special lady (a fellow dog lover) but that’s a long and painful story. I was an idiot in letting distance and my job be more important that her and “Miss Lil” and let’s leave it at that. I don’t hate cats, and certainly not the way my spaniels (not the only dogs I’ve had in my life) did. I’ve always just loved the companionship of dogs more. A well treated dog gives unconditional love.

I hadn’t been in my job as the cemetery manager for a small-town in the northern VA suburbs for long when the older of the two dogs in the picture crossed the Rainbow Bridge. But everyone on the town staff knew all about both my “boys” and their pictures graced my desk. Having lost both my parents to cancer at as a young man and having experienced a lot of loss personally someone on the town staff asked me how I could grieve like I did over a dog. My reply? (to them and others): Name me a person in your life you’ve had daily or almost daily contact with for say ten years, and 99.9% of it has been positive, fun and wonderful? Who has given you unconditional love?  I got (and have since when I’ve said the same thing) a warm smile and an “I get it.”

People are almost never that cool even to those they love so much they’d die for them. If life is difficult now, I’ve had a mighty interesting and eclectic one. Most importantly a FULL life so when the J.D. Vance’s out their mock “Cat Ladies” (there are guys who are true cat lovers too) and without saying it Doggy Lovers devoted to their critters It’s offensive. It denigrates those who never produced children of their own, makes them out to be lesser people. So damn right I take offense! I say go screw yourself.  There are countless examples of parents out there Vance himself would readily say are lousy parents who should never have had kids.  I for one admire the countless parents who put so much into raising their children. It is a lifelong labor of love and devotion. Hell yes they should be admired, even celebrated.

However those who don’t produce their own offspring, whether by choice or due to medical issues but live good lives aren’t second class people who should be denigrated!

Vance’s comments from a few years ago which have received fresh attention have kicked over the proverbial hornet’s nest. As this article from Time indicates it’s not just from childless cat lovers either.  Us childless doggie lovers are offended too. Back in 2021 Vance could blithely get away with taking that kind of potshot which is something I’ve heard from people all my life. It’s hurtful to step-parents who with their partners decide they can’t afford more children. It’s hurtful to people with fertility issues. Some people can still have a child BUT infertility treatments are rough to go through for women. And they are expensive and not everyone can afford it. Or only enough for one try (it’s far from a reliable procedure) and that was an issue BEFORE the Dobb’s decision when this interview was given.

It was a cheap shot then, and plenty of people have thought and said the same thing before. Just as they think and say it now. Vance of course is trying to partially walk it back. He has after all according to the linked article activated the “Swifties” – those tens of millions of Taylor Swift fans. Swift, one of the most famous people in the world is as yet unmarried and also (so far) childless. She also has several cats (and more money than Vance!) and her fans wasted no time taking to twitter/X:

Several Swifties posted the TIME cover on TikTok in response to Vance’s remarks. One user posted the cover with Swift’s song, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?, playing in the background, writing, “What was it that JD Vance said about childless women with cats?”

“When it hits you that Taylor Swift is childless and has cats…” one person posted on X. “JD Vance really effed this one up. The armageddon is coming for him.”

“Hell hath no fury like a certain childless cat lady who has yet to endorse a presidential candidate,” another person posted on X.

Harris’ family and her husband’s first wife and biological mom to Harris’ stepdaughters weighed in:

Harris’ family also jumped to the Vice President’s defense. Kerstin Emhoff, the ex-wife of Doug Emhoff, called criticisms about Harris’ lack of biological children “baseless attacks.”

Then there are the daughters themselves who one can be sure will have plenty to say introducing the lady they call Momala (how cool is THAT?) at the convention next month:

Harris’s stepdaughter Ella Emhoff, 25, praised her mother’s statement on her Instagram story on Thursday, saying, “How can you be ‘childless’ when you have cutie pie kids like Cole and I.”

“I love my three parents,” she added.

As I said, Vance and his people are trying to walk things back in their own weird, clumsy and wholly inadequate way. Vance’s team has referred to a statement from Trump’s Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt who went on twitter/X to say her heart breaks for women unable to bear children. Oh, and (of course) that Vance’s remarks were taken ‘totally out of context.’ Leavitt wasn’t done:

Leavitt’s post also includes comments Vance made in a separate 2021 speech where he talked about childless people, where he said, “A lot of people are unable to have kids for very complicated and important reasons… There are people of course for biological reasons, medical reasons that can’t have children. The target of these remarks is not them.”

Really? I don’t buy it. In fact I’m calling b.s.  It’s interesting that even back then Vance tried to “clarify” his initial (and commonly made) cheap shot about childless ladies with cats. (And dammit! Childless guys like me with dogs!) Probably someone reminded him of a known and like person/couple at his church who desperately wanted children but were unable to conceive.  However, there’s a component to all this that’s been overlooked and needs to be addressed. Highlighted even. Sure, we are hearing all about IVF but that’s actually a relatively small number of people fighting those legal battles.

There’s a far larger group out there that’s being ignored and their problem has been there for them since long before the first “test tube” baby was born. Adoptive parents. Or those who don’t manage to navigate the maze to successfully adopt. Couples and sometimes individuals can wind up spending just as much trying to adopt as couples/women undergoing procedures to overcome infertility. There are WAY more of them, and sure enough they often have their own four legged furry friends around the home.  And as with by doggies and other’s cats, if all children got the same love and attention as our critters this country and world would be a helluva lot better place than it actually is.

However, for those who’ve adopted or tried to, and for those of us who haven’t but have known people who have taken on the adoption process the commitment the process takes, and the too often heartbreak matters when comments like Vance’s childless cat lady, meant to denigrate anyone who hasn’t made their own baby get spoken or written. It affects more than childless women who own cats. More importantly, it cuts deep and if VP Harris has been holding her fire, another member of this administration hasn’t:

Buttigieg addressed the issue in a CNN interview on Tuesday, saying that the comments came after he and his husband had been through “a fairly heartbreaking setback in our adoption journey.”

“[Vance] couldn’t have known that, but maybe that’s why you shouldn’t be talking about other people’s children,” Buttigieg said. “It’s not about his kids, or my kids, or the Vice President’s family. It’s about your family. People’s families whose well-being will depend on whether we go into a future led by somebody like Kamala Harris who is focused on expanding the prosperity, the freedom, the well-being of our families.”

I lived in Fairfax County Virginia for the better part of twenty years. (I got stationed there while in the Marines) While married my ex and I owned a home. As I’ve noted I never remarried after my divorce but for some years before dropping out of the beltway rat-race I earned enough to buy a townhome out near Dulles Airport. Fairfax was known for having a top public school system and believe me those property tax bills (which are the largest source of funding for schools) were eye opening. I didn’t like how much they were, but I didn’t complain about it either even though I didn’t have kids, or stepkids. I knew damn well how much it was in my interest to have each generation get a good education. So they could grow up and become productive adults and help make their communities and our society better.  I KNEW, as do other childless people that I have a stake in children and each successive generation getting a good start in life.  It’s called being a good citizen who sees the value in shared contributions to certain things.

I resent the hell out of being told, or even having it implied my life doesn’t have equal worth, doesn’t count as much as people who’ve had children. Even some folks who have had children can relate to what childless cat ladies or doggie guys have routinely experienced in the workplace. Also, many have children at a young age and by 40 or so are “empty nesters.” What happens day after day all over the place is this to us folks who don’t have kids, or at least who’s kids are off to college or launched into the world. See if this sounds familiar: YOU should be the one to stay late. YOU should work the weekend/holiday. YOU should take the crappy shift at work.  Because YOU don’t have kids!  You know what? That kind of crap, that being told that whether by choice or biology the fact I didn’t have kids made me less worthy of perks or beneficial treatment at work is infuriating as hell.

So all you childless cat ladies I proudly support you. Childless cat guys too. And my fellow doggy lovers whether ladies or gents.  The “Childless Cat Lady” type comment is MEANT to be a demeaning insult. I have seen and known more crappy parents who have no business raising children than I have lousy, unproductive childless people who love their cats or dogs!  So mister Vance, you and your fellow self-righteous “I’m a real, worthy person and you are second class” self-righteous attitudes and shove them up a certain orifice where the sun don’t shine.

Vance may well have kicked over a much bigger hornet’s nest than he or for that matter many realize.

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