Trump’s Movie-Length Speech Flopped, Now Biden Fan Fiction Is GOP’s Only Hope

Time for us all to get grounded in reality, friends. We have an election in 108 days. Here is the lay of the land: 1. There is literally a dual narrative of this race going on, one in right-wing media world and one in reality. 2. The Newsmax *reporter* who claimed that Joe Biden was going to announce his resignation from politics this weekend, Mark Halperin, is now discussing who Kamala Harris will pick as her running mate. This is sheer fantasy. There is nothing from either the Biden-Harris campaign or the White House announcing that President Biden is stepping aside. 3. Be that as it may, you will continue to hear this for God alone knows how much longer because the plain fact of the matter is that Donald Trump proved last night that he is still the piss poor, gawdawful candidate that he has always been, is now and forever more will be. Last night’s 93-minute Speech From Hell bored everyone to tears. It was an unmitigated disaster.

It was long. It was discursive. It entered the usual fairground rhetoric with its catalog of imaginary demons, made-up anecdotes, “sir” stories, sharks, batteries, Hannibal Lecter, and an entirely fictional version of recent American history. It was larded with all the usual fear porn his base loves so much on immigration.

Reports say the speech was clocking out at 3000 words, which comes to about 40 minutes as a general rule, subtracting for applause lines and the occasional pause for dramatic effect.

It was 93 minutes. It was longer than the average Hollywood movie.

Here’s my theory of the case: I think they put the last draft of the speech into the prompter, and for 40 minutes, Trump tried to portray himself as someone profoundly altered by the shooting.

His affect in the first 20 minutes was flat, quiet, and off-brand. The room’s relatively muted crowd and low energy made him know it wasn’t working.

So, as always, it was time to toss them some chum.

For 53 more minutes, he gripped the podium and shrilled out all the mating cries of the MAGA faithful.

Tim Alberta and others reported the audience’s restlessness, and there was a sense of “Is that over yet?” (Speaking of “Is it over yet?” we saw Melania in the house last night, and it looks like the check cleared.)

Of course, the Maga fanboys are declaring this objectively terrible speech to be a combination of Churchill and Demosthenes, the most significant rhetorical construct in the history of Western democracy.

It was merde du bull. Everything about Trump is merde du bull. He is also old, as is Joe Biden. As a matter of fact, he is probably physically older than the chronologically older Biden. I do not profess to know how these things are calculated but Trump is morbidly obese, whereas Biden is trim. Trump rides in his golf cart, whereas Biden runs, bikes, swims, (I guess he’s not afraid of sharks.) Most importantly, Biden is a man who reads, reasons and thinks. Trump has spent his life watching television.

Trump is beatable. The Democrats need to calm down and unite. Yes, I know we are a group of original thinkers, not cookie cutter herd animals who follow a fearless leader, like the Republilcans are. I get all that. But somehow we need to find it in ourselves to stop throwing victory away with both hands.

The electorate is set up to vote for one of two old white guys, both of whom have been the president before. That’s the state of this race. We simply need to keep it on track and not screw it up.

Trump has nothing. He had a disastrous track record in office. He has the horrific Project 2025 going into the 2024 race. That’s an albatross around his neck. The country does not want to vote for the elimination of abortion. All these factors will take Trump down and out. The Republican National Convention was a clown show and his nominating speech a disaster.

All we have to do is stay united behind our candidate and Get Out The Vote. We will always report developments within the Democratic party on this platform, that’s our job. But I can tell you right now, the job of this website is to help Joe Biden get reelected and the bedwetting in our ranks will come second to that primary concern and function.

We have to win this. We just need to stay calm and keep our hand steady. The Trump/Vance ticket is a disaster, worse than Trump/Pence, worse than any that we have ever seen. It makes the original Nixon/Agnew ticket look like Clinton/Gore, by comparison. We have everything we need to win. Let’s. Just. Do. It.

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