Trump’s 2020 Redux, And Why It Won’t Work

Trump is like a political groundhog. Since 2016, every four years he sticks his head up out of his hole, sees his shadow, squeals out, Look at that! It’s my shadow, and it makes me look fat! That means the Democrats are cheating to steal the election from me!, and then slides back down into his hole again.

For those who pay attention a little more closely, this is actually the fifth time he’s tried this lame sh*t. Little wonder it just rolls off of him like water off a ducks back, huh?

• In the fall of 2015, before the first primaries, with Trump leading in polling, he publicly pronounced that the only way he wouldn’t get the nomination was if the RNC stole it from him. In which case he’d take his 33% base and go it solo. The RNC promptly folded their hand, and handed over the keys to the car to Trump
• In the fall of 2016 Trump, who wasn’t even in it to win it, noting his flagging poll numbers claimed that the only way he couldn’t win would be if the Democrats stole the election. What he would do if he lost was unclear, and unfortunately was never tested
• In 2020, with Covid on the rise, and mail-in and absentee ballots almost a necessity, by the middle of summer Traitor Tot was hammering home the inevitability of The Big Steal, making the resulting court trials and the tragedy of January 6th possible
• In the 2022 midterms, his loss still stinging, His Lowness made an unexpected appearance, anointing only candidates devoted to The Big Steal, and turned what should have been a big red wave into a strawberry Kool Aid spill from an overturned Tommee Tippee cup

And here it is, 2024, and once again Trump has promptly popped his head up, seen his shadow (as if it’s hard to find sunny days in southern Florida), and is once again screaming that The Big Steal is still alive and well.

Not this time. Not anymore. For so many reasons. But Trump being Trump, common sense and even a sense of history has no place in his calculations. Just to cover;

• Trump first tried it in 2015 during the GOP primaries, and it worked. Only because the RNC was too pathetically weak to call his bluff, Trump having neither the money or organization to run a third party candidacy
• Starting in mid summer of 2016, Trump laid the grounds for the Big Steal, but didn’t need it
• If Trump loses in 2024, he will no longer have the bully pulpit to set up on the Ellipse, and no more inbred storm troopers to carry out his assault

After four tries, the Trump pony has gotten its last round of applause. Trump is no more like Chicken Little. Part of the fizzle of the GOP 2022 midterms was a stern voter repudiation of The Big Lie. In fact, after the disaster some of his closest MAGAt’s in the House started to rather loudly suggest he spring the money for a trainer to teach him a new trick.

But there are two reasons why his whole Big Steal schtick is now ready for late night reruns on local cable channels, after The Golden Girls, but before The 3 Stooges. The first reason is that it’s so old and stale it’s now receiving a monthly Social Security check, like your grandfather and his war stories. The second reason is that El Pendejo ex Presidente and his imbecile wingman are stealing all of the thunder of the Big Steal with their most recent escapades.

For starters Beggar Vance didn’t shoot himself in the foot with that stupid Liberal cat lady remark, he stepped on a landmine. And his back peddle has been as bad as the original comment. He told one interviewer, I never said I was against people with no children, I’m against people who are anti children. Lead balloon. I keep expecting to hear him clarify that twaddle with, Look, you can be pro cat, or you can be pro children, but you can’t be both. We all already know that cats like to sit on babies chests and steal their breath away, killing them. So you can’t have it both ways!

But far worse is what’s going on with Il Douche. For three and a half years now Trump has been able to get away with saying any goofy sh*t he wants, then turn and point a finger at Biden saying, You think I’m bad? Just look at all of the goofy sh*t this crazy f*cker does! But now Biden is gone, and His Lowness is the only crazy old fart out there. And the media is paying attention.

Perfect example. In his asylum rant press conference in Mar-A-Slobo last week, in a room carefully chosen to ensure that the acoustics made it impossible for the cameras to pick up the questions, Traitor Tot stepped on his own landmine.

He went on an extended rant about being on a helicopter with former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, which almost crashed and had to make an emergency landing. Just one problem. Willie Brown is still very much alive and kicking, and still loves cameras. When asked about his near death experience, Brown laughed his ass off, claiming that he had never been on a helicopter with Trump, and has no desire to do so.

The New York Times thought Trump may have mistaken Willie Brown, who is black, with former California Governor Jerry Brown, who is white. No luck there either. Brown related that the only time he had been on a helicopter with Trump was in New Jersey, and the flight was uneventful.

Which led to the predictable Traitor Tot reaction. He took to Bullsh*t Social to excoriate The New York Times for doubting his word, insisting that the near death experience was with Willie Brown, but changed the story to claim it occurred in New Jersey, and that he had the flight records of the helicopter landing in a field. Brown denied that as well.

Turns out that what Traitor Tot was talking about was a black California politician named Nate Holman, a former CA State Senator. He confided the emergency landing, but couldn’t resist sliding the shiv in, Willie Brown is a short black guy who lives in San Francisco. I’m a tall black guy who lives in LA. I guess we really do all look alike.

The media is now reporting Trump’s Bullsh*t Social assertion that he’s filing a $100 million lawsuit against the DOJ for damages arising from the raid on Mar-A-Slpbo. Three problems with that one. First, it was a federal court that authorized the search, the FBI just did its job. Second, for a civil lawsuit to go forward, there would have to be discovery, meaning that The Cheeto Prophet would have to sit down for a sworn deposition, which would be available to the prosecution in his criminal trial. Third, you can’t civilly sue the government for damages, you can only sue to recover out of pocket expenses. And lawyer fees defending yourself from criminal charges doesn’t qualify.

Here’s the McGuffin. Trump needs Biden the way that Lewis needed Martin. But Biden is off of the field of play, and since Harris is running a clean, optimistic, mistake free campaign, that leaves the media free to hone in on every single thing that Trump and Vance say. And while it might not matter to Trump’s poisonous 33% base, 33% can’t win an election. And starting with the Democratic Convention next Monday, and after labor day, people are going to seriously start tuning in. Question is, what are they going to see? Nothing good for Trump I’m betting.

I thank you for the privilege of your time.