Trump Speaks Queen – He Can’t Stand Someone Else Getting All The Attention

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It’s sad Queen Elizabeth passed away today.   Those who liked, admired and knew & loved her can take comfort in her having died peacefully at her beloved retreat at Balmoral after a long and illustrious life of service.  That service included early on being a member of the British Armed Forces in WWII in the motor pool – as a basic mechanic!  Her parents didn’t exactly approve but she felt it important to show that not just male Royalty could serve but women too, and not just in a glorified office job.  Try as they might her parents couldn’t confiscate ALL the pictures of her bent over working under the hood of a truck or jeep!  It might not have been combat but it’s still way the hell more than Trump did!   Anyway, it’s not as though during her reign she didn’t make mistakes, but overall she did better than most and became widely beloved and not just by her subjects – instead of citizens in the UK people that live under the Monarchy are titled subjects in case you didn’t know.

Naturally, our ever reliable to ditch journalism for ANY reason networks spent hours on end saying the same stuff and showing the same images over and over.  I didn’t go there but I’ll be even Fox did too, and like everyone else went hours without even SAYING the name Trump!  Well, one can only imagine how frustrated Trump got as the hours passed.   All this outpouring of a combination of grief, with even more admiration and love but for someone else!   For their sake I hope the staff at Bedminster was locked away in some special seminar or briefing and didn’t have to continually clean ketchup or other stuff off the walls!

Let’s be real – you just KNEW at some point Trump would lose his freaking mind and chime in.   Earlier I saw a statement he put out.  Well, it’s what his people put out before he could do so, in the probably forlorn hope he and his rants would be back in the news and he’d drop the whole “Queen thing.”  (There’s no way in hell Trump wrote that statement!)  I’ve mentioned once upon a time I was in the service and though it was a very long time ago and my contacts are way outdated someone kinda sorta anonymously from my past slipped me the working draft of what Trump intends to put out.  (“Honest!”  Or maybe just a tad on the made up side of things…) But “really”, I have this on good authority.  Or maybe not.  Decide for yourself, but if you read through to the end I’ll bet you think it’s more than a little plausible…  This person who shall not be named and I went back and forth deciphering it, so that everyone can understand what Trump didn’t in his interactions with the Queen.   And some other stuff.

I bring this up because if you recall when James Mattis resigned as Secretary of Defense he released his resignation letter, which EVERYONE but Trump instantly saw as a blistering rebuke of the flaming orange human shaped rectum squatting in the Oval Office.   Being a fellow jarhead I had mixed feelings about Mattis (who I admired) serving in the Trump administration but came to a belief he hoped to rein in Trump to some degree – to be one of the “adults in the room” as the saying goes.   He came to a realization he’d failed and hoped that publicly rebuking Trump with his resignation might prompt his replacement, as well as others still serving to do better at what we know was an impossible task from the start.  But Trump himself didn’t get it!  Initially he thought it was a “beautiful” letter but boy oh boy did he change his tune about Mattis once he was clued in about what Mattis really was saying in that resignation.

That brings me to the draft I’m “told” Trump has worked up.   A version cleaned up by his staff which is why it’s not written in Sharpie and crayon.   As you can see, there is what Trump says and what he thinks the Queen said, and reality that stuff you’ll find in italics.  One can only hope that as with Mattis Trump’s bubble will again get burst when informed that Queen Elizabeth called upon every ounce of her sense of duty to be gracious, and to not tell Trump to get the eff out of her palace and her country post haste.   Here it is:

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The Queen died today.  Sad.  She was nice.  To me personally.

She said really good things to me about how special I was.

(She wasn’t using special as a compliment dude!  Nope.  It was an insult she could smile through because she knew you were too much of a dumbass to understand the joke!)

She said of all the Presidents she’s known I stood apart from everyone else!  Really, she said that to me!  Not that people don’t say that about me all the time, that I’m the greatest President in history and no one will ever come close to being as great as me.  EVERYONE knows it!  But I admit coming from the Queen, hearing I stood apart from other Presidents she’d met (take THAT Obama!) it was pretty special!

(Again you dickhead you heard and what she meant are two VERY different things.  What she meant was that you were the most clueless, classless excuse for a President or Head of State she’d ever had to extend the literal Royal Treatment to.  She was saying that unlike any President she’d met, or any President at all you were in a class of “How the hell did someone like this get elected to anything in the U.S., much less federal office.  And President?  Did Americans lose their freaking minds?  George W. Bush was problematic but YOU Donald make HIM look like one of the finest leaders in world history!  And YOU are too stupid and narcissistic to realize it.  Or that I’m insulting you.  Again!”)

She also said she’d never seen someone who looked like me in a fancy White Tie Tuxedo!  Nothing like she’d ever seen before is what she said!   Obviously she meant not even her husband and kids and we all know she especially meant NOT Obama made White Tie look like I did!   She pretty much said that too me.

(Again, Trump had no clue at all what the Queen was saying.  But I for one think the title pic perfectly says how she was feeling.  As in embarrassed to have to be seen in public and worse stand for photos, in Buckingham Palace no less with a clown like Trump.  Once again she was actually telling him “Oh Donald, you truly are soooo stupid as I continue to insult you and not be able to grasp that simple fact.   If anyone but a sitting President had walked out in the get-up you’re wearing the ushers would have whisked them away before anyone could see such buffoonery in the Palace!   How on earth did your people, especially that idiot wannabe Princess Daughter of yours ever let you out of your suite looking like THAT!   You smashed every rule of White Tie like you have gone about smashing alliances and your Country’s norms!   And the worst of it is I have to be seen and photographed with you looking like someone who broke out of a mental hospital, broke into a tuxedo rental place and grabbed whatever was handy and somehow managed to get past security!  Of COURSE I’ve never seen someone who looked so awful trying to wear White Tie, the most formal of formal wear.  You my dear are living proof that money can’t buy class!”)

And everyone saw how pleased she was to have me with her.  People said they’d never seen her smile so much.  You can believe that because the highly respected and trusted (way more than anyone on CNN or MSNBC or anywhere for that matter including Fox which is turning into a Never Trumper network) reporter David Dennison says so.   It would be nice if he’d reveal his sources but you know journalists!  Even him.  But his world is gold.  So you can believe she smiled because according to him people say being around me was the thrill of her life.

I will miss her because of these nice things she said to me, and about me that her friends told David Dennison.

(For those who don’t know or might have forgotten, the “famous” David Dennison is an alternate version of Trump he created to spread what he considers positive PR about himself.   Really classy stuff like how rich he is (as he kept failing in business and daddy kept bailing him out), or those tabloid stories during his messy divorce with trophy wife #1 Ivana when he installed Marla Maples in Trump Tower, and she got quoted about how awesome he was in bed.  The specific line was “Best Sex I Ever Had!” which as we’d eventually learn mortified trophy wife #2.  Not enough to dump him and his money but she at least was embarrassed enough about it to admit it later on.  And she did realize what a P.O.S. he truly was and worked so hard to steer their daughter clear of Trumpworld.

But the point is that when Trump talked about “someone” or “people” saying how pleased the Queen was, how she’d never smiled so much is/was like every other time he slathered b.s. over everything.  There is of course NO “someone” or “people” who said this – they are as fictional as the “famed, respected journalist’ David Dennison.)

She was a pretty good Queen.  Not as good a Queen as me as President of course.  That would have been impossible.  People have said so.  Everyone knows it.  So now it’s time to turn your attention back to me.

Sincerely, Trump

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Yeah, all this is a load of snark.  But you know damn well that a polite beyond measure Queen Elizabeth treated Trump far better than he deserved, probably showered (for hours) after every single encounter with him and being someone not known for but still possessing a legendary dry wit probably, since she had no choice but to put up with him and from her grandchildren knew all about trolling knew she could do it to his face!  And by golly she did!

I am not all that well known outside here and another progressive blog and certainly no featured writer/contributor.  But I hope I’ve generated enough that someone who is, perhaps someone connected to Lincoln Project or Meidas will learn about what I’ve written and create a little content that will get enough attention that even Trump will learn of it – and that the Queen repeatedly was sending him up with her “compliments.”

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17 COMMENTS

    • Scott, you couldn’t possibly be any further from correct.

      Turnips are far more self-aware that Trump could ever hope to be. To Trump, “self-awareness” means “I see my name there.”

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  1. At her first meeting with Trump, Queen Elizabeth wore a brooch given to her by Obama. At the dinner where he wore the awful tuxedo she wore rubies, traditionally worn to ward off evil.
    Great ways to send a subtle message to people that aren’t subtle.
    Also, of all the American Presidents she met, she only invited one back to visit here and stay at the Palace after his Presidency was over, Barack Obama, a man she admired for his diplomacy and intellect.
    Sometimes the soft diplomacy was a little firmer. When the Saudi Arabian King visited, she drove him around in her Landrover on one of her estates herself. Women weren’t allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia at the time. She drove so well and so ‘exuberantly’ that the shaken, (and shaking), King had to be helped from the car. They never spoke again.

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    • I’ve never gotten over how ridiculous Trump looked in that White Tie outfit. Other pics of the event showed other members of the U.S. delegation (including his son-in-law Jared) properly attired in that particular form of formal wear. So, it’s not there weren’t people around him who knew how awful he looked. How embarrassing it would be for an American President to step out on one of the world’s most glamorous stages for such an event. I’ve often wondered at what type of conversation went on between Trump and his tailor, or the person he had pick out the items for his wardrobe. How hard he insisted on looking like that. This was after all Buckingham Palace and their staff would put even our WH to shame and that’s saying something. For an event like that they’d have had tailors and seamstresses on standby! High end ones. For us regular folks a “fashion emergency” might be something of an embarrassment but for rich and/or prominent people appearing at a fancy schmancy event it’s a whole different level. It doesn’t get more high profile than a State Dinner, especially one involving two world superpowers, the ones who led the world through WWII and the Cold War. And in Buckingham Palace! A quick call would have produced a tailor that could have expertly, and in a matter of minutes rectified much of what was wrong with Trump’s outfit yet he walked out there looking like trailer trash. That means he insisted on appearing looking like he did. So it follows he truly thought HE was “stylin” and looking good! I again say he’s proof of the old adage that money can’t buy class.

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      • Hey Denis, at least he wasn’t wearing his signature “Blue suit, red tie, white shirt” uniform 🙂 I’m so sick of seeing him in that ugly suit!!!! :/

    • I heard she wasn’t supposed to drive him, but she heard the kings remarks about women in Saudi, and took over. She apparently did some donuts with him in the passenger seat. (People forget she was a driver in WW2: ambulances and trucks.)

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    • Yes, I read the Queen wore two brooches when she met Trump: One was from the Obama’s gifted to her in 2011, the other was a teardrop brooch she wore to her father’s funeral in 1952.

  2. “instead of citizens in the UK people that live under the Monarchy are titled subjects in case you didn’t know.”

    Actually, Denis, that’s not accurate. People in the UK ARE citizens, but it’s not absolute.

    “Individuals born within the British Islands (the United Kingdom and Crown Dependencies) receive British citizenship at birth if at least one parent is a British citizen or considered to have settled status in the UK. Children born overseas are British citizens by descent if either parent is a citizen otherwise than by descent.[16] Adopted children are treated as if they were naturally born to the adopting parents at the time of adoption.[17] Children born abroad to members of the British Armed Forces or British citizens on Crown service are treated as if they were born in the UK.[18]

    “All children born in the British Islands before 1983 automatically received citizenship at birth regardless of the nationalities of their parents.[19] Children born in the UK to a resident Irish citizen at any time are always British citizens at birth.[20] Since 1983, the status of a child born in the UK is dependent on whether their parents held British citizenship or settled status at the time of their birth.[16]” (Wikipedia, “British Nationality Law”)

    • Thanks for the clarification. I assumed (stupid I know) from having so often heard Brits including talking heads use the term “subjects” that while I assumed subject was the same as citizenship it’s not. But one does in fact hear even Brits refer to folks there as “subjects” so I hope I’ll be forgiven. Maybe it’s their version of certain states in the U.S. that make such a BFD about being a “Commonwealth” instead of a “mere” state. Whatever Kentucky (which I grew up finding amusing since I’m from southern Illinois, about 45 miles from Paducah and have always known Kentuckians) or Massachusetts or others call themselves when they (IMHO) pretentiously insist they are a “Commonwealth” they are actually no different that regular ole States. Well, citizen or subject I think of people from the UK and its environs as British. And unless they give reason to believe otherwise friends of our own country and other free countries. To me when you get down to it that’s what matters, and if they like having someone fill the role of a Monarch (while retaining an elected group of leaders to do the actual day to day work of governing) then I’m cool with it. It’s their country after all and if it works for them (which it seems to) then as someone from a different country with its way of doing things who am I to judge them? We have more in common with the UK than anyone else, even if as Shaw said we are allies divided by a common language!

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    • It’#s actually a bit confusing. While someone may be a ‘UK citizen’ they are also a ‘British subject’. (the ‘UK citizen’ designation is actually fairly recent.

      Regarding the ‘offspring of military personnel boprn overseas it gets a bit more complicated. Cliff Richards and Spikle Milligan were born in India to a military family but were told they had to take an oath of allegiance to be ‘citizens’. Richards did that but Milligan pointed out he had done that already when he volunteered for the army in WW2 and didn’t see why he should do it again. Charles called him and said, basically, “Spike – even I had to take an oath of allegiance” and Spike replied “She’s your mother – not mine”. In the end, he went to the Irish embassy in London, asked about an Irish passport and they just said ‘Certainly – no problem. Just fill out this form’

  3. There was a report at the time that Trump really wanted a “next generation” photo of his offspring along with Prince William and Prince Harry, prompting one pundit to ask, “Next generation of…what, exactly?” In Trump’s mind, his family was equivalent to royalty. William and Harry made themselves unavailable to be used as props.

    • I have never heard that but it was obvious by the way the daughter & hubbie behaved that they were all in on what trump was trying to establish – that they were the American ‘Royalty’ – his ultimate dream ! It’s all so disgusting looking back on it now.

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