It’s sad Queen Elizabeth passed away today. Those who liked, admired and knew & loved her can take comfort in her having died peacefully at her beloved retreat at Balmoral after a long and illustrious life of service. That service included early on being a member of the British Armed Forces in WWII in the motor pool – as a basic mechanic! Her parents didn’t exactly approve but she felt it important to show that not just male Royalty could serve but women too, and not just in a glorified office job. Try as they might her parents couldn’t confiscate ALL the pictures of her bent over working under the hood of a truck or jeep! It might not have been combat but it’s still way the hell more than Trump did! Anyway, it’s not as though during her reign she didn’t make mistakes, but overall she did better than most and became widely beloved and not just by her subjects – instead of citizens in the UK people that live under the Monarchy are titled subjects in case you didn’t know.
Naturally, our ever reliable to ditch journalism for ANY reason networks spent hours on end saying the same stuff and showing the same images over and over. I didn’t go there but I’ll be even Fox did too, and like everyone else went hours without even SAYING the name Trump! Well, one can only imagine how frustrated Trump got as the hours passed. All this outpouring of a combination of grief, with even more admiration and love but for someone else! For their sake I hope the staff at Bedminster was locked away in some special seminar or briefing and didn’t have to continually clean ketchup or other stuff off the walls!
Let’s be real – you just KNEW at some point Trump would lose his freaking mind and chime in. Earlier I saw a statement he put out. Well, it’s what his people put out before he could do so, in the probably forlorn hope he and his rants would be back in the news and he’d drop the whole “Queen thing.” (There’s no way in hell Trump wrote that statement!) I’ve mentioned once upon a time I was in the service and though it was a very long time ago and my contacts are way outdated someone kinda sorta anonymously from my past slipped me the working draft of what Trump intends to put out. (“Honest!” Or maybe just a tad on the made up side of things…) But “really”, I have this on good authority. Or maybe not. Decide for yourself, but if you read through to the end I’ll bet you think it’s more than a little plausible… This person who shall not be named and I went back and forth deciphering it, so that everyone can understand what Trump didn’t in his interactions with the Queen. And some other stuff.
I bring this up because if you recall when James Mattis resigned as Secretary of Defense he released his resignation letter, which EVERYONE but Trump instantly saw as a blistering rebuke of the flaming orange human shaped rectum squatting in the Oval Office. Being a fellow jarhead I had mixed feelings about Mattis (who I admired) serving in the Trump administration but came to a belief he hoped to rein in Trump to some degree – to be one of the “adults in the room” as the saying goes. He came to a realization he’d failed and hoped that publicly rebuking Trump with his resignation might prompt his replacement, as well as others still serving to do better at what we know was an impossible task from the start. But Trump himself didn’t get it! Initially he thought it was a “beautiful” letter but boy oh boy did he change his tune about Mattis once he was clued in about what Mattis really was saying in that resignation.
That brings me to the draft I’m “told” Trump has worked up. A version cleaned up by his staff which is why it’s not written in Sharpie and crayon. As you can see, there is what Trump says and what he thinks the Queen said, and reality that stuff you’ll find in italics. One can only hope that as with Mattis Trump’s bubble will again get burst when informed that Queen Elizabeth called upon every ounce of her sense of duty to be gracious, and to not tell Trump to get the eff out of her palace and her country post haste. Here it is:
The Queen died today. Sad. She was nice. To me personally.
She said really good things to me about how special I was.
(She wasn’t using special as a compliment dude! Nope. It was an insult she could smile through because she knew you were too much of a dumbass to understand the joke!)
She said of all the Presidents she’s known I stood apart from everyone else! Really, she said that to me! Not that people don’t say that about me all the time, that I’m the greatest President in history and no one will ever come close to being as great as me. EVERYONE knows it! But I admit coming from the Queen, hearing I stood apart from other Presidents she’d met (take THAT Obama!) it was pretty special!
(Again you dickhead you heard and what she meant are two VERY different things. What she meant was that you were the most clueless, classless excuse for a President or Head of State she’d ever had to extend the literal Royal Treatment to. She was saying that unlike any President she’d met, or any President at all you were in a class of “How the hell did someone like this get elected to anything in the U.S., much less federal office. And President? Did Americans lose their freaking minds? George W. Bush was problematic but YOU Donald make HIM look like one of the finest leaders in world history! And YOU are too stupid and narcissistic to realize it. Or that I’m insulting you. Again!”)
She also said she’d never seen someone who looked like me in a fancy White Tie Tuxedo! Nothing like she’d ever seen before is what she said! Obviously she meant not even her husband and kids and we all know she especially meant NOT Obama made White Tie look like I did! She pretty much said that too me.
(Again, Trump had no clue at all what the Queen was saying. But I for one think the title pic perfectly says how she was feeling. As in embarrassed to have to be seen in public and worse stand for photos, in Buckingham Palace no less with a clown like Trump. Once again she was actually telling him “Oh Donald, you truly are soooo stupid as I continue to insult you and not be able to grasp that simple fact. If anyone but a sitting President had walked out in the get-up you’re wearing the ushers would have whisked them away before anyone could see such buffoonery in the Palace! How on earth did your people, especially that idiot wannabe Princess Daughter of yours ever let you out of your suite looking like THAT! You smashed every rule of White Tie like you have gone about smashing alliances and your Country’s norms! And the worst of it is I have to be seen and photographed with you looking like someone who broke out of a mental hospital, broke into a tuxedo rental place and grabbed whatever was handy and somehow managed to get past security! Of COURSE I’ve never seen someone who looked so awful trying to wear White Tie, the most formal of formal wear. You my dear are living proof that money can’t buy class!”)
And everyone saw how pleased she was to have me with her. People said they’d never seen her smile so much. You can believe that because the highly respected and trusted (way more than anyone on CNN or MSNBC or anywhere for that matter including Fox which is turning into a Never Trumper network) reporter David Dennison says so. It would be nice if he’d reveal his sources but you know journalists! Even him. But his world is gold. So you can believe she smiled because according to him people say being around me was the thrill of her life.
I will miss her because of these nice things she said to me, and about me that her friends told David Dennison.
(For those who don’t know or might have forgotten, the “famous” David Dennison is an alternate version of Trump he created to spread what he considers positive PR about himself. Really classy stuff like how rich he is (as he kept failing in business and daddy kept bailing him out), or those tabloid stories during his messy divorce with trophy wife #1 Ivana when he installed Marla Maples in Trump Tower, and she got quoted about how awesome he was in bed. The specific line was “Best Sex I Ever Had!” which as we’d eventually learn mortified trophy wife #2. Not enough to dump him and his money but she at least was embarrassed enough about it to admit it later on. And she did realize what a P.O.S. he truly was and worked so hard to steer their daughter clear of Trumpworld.
But the point is that when Trump talked about “someone” or “people” saying how pleased the Queen was, how she’d never smiled so much is/was like every other time he slathered b.s. over everything. There is of course NO “someone” or “people” who said this – they are as fictional as the “famed, respected journalist’ David Dennison.)
She was a pretty good Queen. Not as good a Queen as me as President of course. That would have been impossible. People have said so. Everyone knows it. So now it’s time to turn your attention back to me.
Yeah, all this is a load of snark. But you know damn well that a polite beyond measure Queen Elizabeth treated Trump far better than he deserved, probably showered (for hours) after every single encounter with him and being someone not known for but still possessing a legendary dry wit probably, since she had no choice but to put up with him and from her grandchildren knew all about trolling knew she could do it to his face! And by golly she did!
I am not all that well known outside here and another progressive blog and certainly no featured writer/contributor. But I hope I’ve generated enough that someone who is, perhaps someone connected to Lincoln Project or Meidas will learn about what I’ve written and create a little content that will get enough attention that even Trump will learn of it – and that the Queen repeatedly was sending him up with her “compliments.”