Sweet Jesus. Can’t I leave you people alone for five little minutes? I go to visit my daughter in Honolulu for a week, and what happens? Somebody takes a pot shot at Traitor Tot, Said Traitor Tot picks a peckerwood redneck as a running mate, and Vegas gets its first heavy rain in six months. Wonder no more whom they had in mind when they wrote Murphy’s Law.
The rain being beside the point, while the last four days were full of sturm und drang, they were in fact as Shakespeare put it, A tale told by imbeciles. Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. And truer words were never spoken. Because when you look at the last four days, while there was a surplus of sound and fury, nothing that happened actually moved the political needle one iota.
There were two major events, and we’ll cover them one at a time. As in Alice in Wonderland, start at the beginning. Go on to the end. Then stop. It all started on Saturday, when Teri and I were wandering up and down Waikiki Beach.
A sad, confused, bullied, mentally ill 20 yo who was a registered Republican, yet donated to a Democratic voter registration drive, took a pot shot at Trump. Let’s be clear. This was no bullsh*t conspiracy theory. You don’t pull off a conspiracy theory which is captured on network television cameras, with the New York Times publishing an exclusive photo of the bullet visible whizzing by Trump’s head. It was an assassination attempt, pure and simple, and if the shooter had aimed 2″ to the right, it would be a different story. But he missed.
Here’s why. There are two old sayings. The first is, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And if there’s one thing that El Pendejo Ex Presidente has never been since July of 2015, it’s absent. Trump failed to realize in 2020 when he got his ass kicked that he was too much of a known quantity.
The smart move would have been to disappear and just shut up for 18-24 months, then resurface slamming Biden and announcing he was running again in 2024. Try to let people forget how exhausting the 24/7 bullsh*t of the Trump presidency was. But Trump just couldn’t butt out, and continued to drive more people away for three more years.
The 2nd old saying is that, Familiarity breeds contempt. And if that is true, then there is nobody on planet earth that is more contemptable than Trump. We already know everything about His Lowness, including his Depends size, 3XXL. It’s this sim-ple. Those who were already committed to voting for Trump are only more committed now, while those who would rather die-in-harness than vote for Trump are already getting harness fittings done. The assassination attempt didn’t move the needle one iota.
The second potentially seismic occurrence of the last four days was Trump naming hillbilly boy billionaire JD Vance as his pick for Vice President. Color me amazed. For the last two weeks I’ve already known this. Trump would never promote Li’l Marco to the spot, and selecting Tim Ryan would only send his racist base crawling back under their rocks. As for North dakota Governor Who?, enough said.
It was reported that in choosing a running mate, Trump was looking for someone who could help him win in the general election. NEWS FLASH! Mother Theresa herself couldn’t help Trump get elected if she were on the ticket. First of all, she was Catholic, and the refried Jesus wheezers would go running. But more importantly, nobody can help Trump get elected. Trump is absolute. His base is what it is, and nothing is going to help him climb over a maximum 48% vote share. Vance might be a useful attack dog, and open up tech deep pocket donors, but money can’t buy you votes.
There you have it. The media had a feeding frenzy, and speaking personally, I don’t want Trump dead. I want him defeated, humiliated, dead stone broke, and modeling an orange jumpsuit. All the Democrats have to do is get their sh*t together.
BONUS!
The Big Kahuna! Brudda Murf goes full Island!
Two things…YES, I own it. And YES, I wear it around the house, it’s more comfortable than any pair of shorts I own.
I thank you for the privilege of your time.
You and Ursula called it Murphy!
Welcome back, Murph! The vacation has done you good. You are absolutely right, nothing has changed. That potshot didn’t even get El Pendejo a bump in the polls. And there’s nothing about that RNC horror show that couldn’t have been predicted a long time ago.
I too say welcome back. When I think how close I came to doing a stint in HI back when I was in the Corps I sigh. (There was I learned a small unit of guys with my M.O.S. at the Marine Air station at the north of Oahu. I had a Sgt. get transferred there. It would have been funny for me to show up in uniform at the Chirpractic Office of an old high school flame!) Hope you had a great time and things simmer down so you can tell us about it down the road.
But yes, things that were already out of control cray went batshit insane. That kid was a lousy shot and enough time has passed that reports there doesn’t seem to be any strong political crap from him even on his cell phone make me wonder if Trump was even his target in the first place. Most of his bullets, the ones that killed one person and badly injured a couple of others struck well away from Trump. At least ten, perhaps as much as twenty feet from the direct line between him and the podium where Trump stood.
It’s been something of a day for me so I probably won’t try to craft a piece about it until tomorrow but I’ve got a theory I’ve privately shared with Ursula. She’s dubious but I will dig into it tomorrow and see if I can put forth a credible case that part of Trump’s luck in not being killed or even seriously wounded was hitting Trump might have been a secondary consideration for him.
Oh, and 3X Depends for Trump. I’ve never bought them BUT he’s as fat as I am and my own skivvies are larger than that. He’s at least four or maybe five XL with those suckers. Which he surely shit during the incident.
I recommend everyone check out the Rick Wilson video in Ursula’s piece about the Lincoln Project. It says the same thing you have said with more details thrown in. Yes, I’m glad you’re back and sounds like the vacation did you some good.
Why were none of the wounded directly behind orange menace? Where did the bullet(s) go after “decimating” his ear? Inquiring minds NEED to know!
Welcome back Murf…sounds more like Jr was pissed at his Maga parents…too phucking isolated and rejected in school, therefore ANGRY as a rebel without a clue. What better way to get back at the old man than to take the gun HE BOUGHT, shoot his goddamn idol, and let the police take my ass outta here. Sounds like a perfect plan for an alienated moron! Funny how few details have come out about anything surrounding this truly American experience. I’m with you…glad he missed and still with a possibility this fascist asshole will someday have a cell mate collecting cigarettes for a ‘turn’ with the ex president.
Murf, if you leaving town will make it rain here, I will personally buy you and Teri plane tickets to wherever. If you guys taking vacations can save Nevada from climate change and fill up Lake Mead to the brim and give us plenty of groundwater, I’ll go in DEBT to make sure you can stroll around Honolulu or wherever. Consider it done.