Doing this shit for a semi living, I almost didn’t even notice Calgary Teddy Cruz’s latest episode of groveling and self degradation at the hands of Fucker Carlson on FUX News. After all;

  • Trump humiliated Cruz’s wife during the 2016 primaries, and accused his father of complicity in the JFK assassination. Cruz pitched a fit, then bunny hugged Trump hoping to scoop up his supporters if he imploded
  • He stalwartly refused to endorse Trump in a speech at the RNC convention, was booed from the stage, and quickly backpedaled into the fold
  • In talking to the well of the Senate to filibuster a Democratic bill, the moron actually read Green eggs and ham from the podium as a bedtime story to his daughters
  • Cruz was caught on camera sneaking off to Cancun with his wife and kids in the middle of a killer January Texas power outage, and then caught skulking back to Texas the next day to jeers from his constituents.

I’m sure I could think of more, but you get the point. Personally, I believe that Cruz actually scrapes himself off the bottom of his own shoe so he can leave the house in the morning. He licks Fucker Carlson’s boots? So what else is new.

But those that are gleefully fixating on Cruz’s self humiliation on national television are missing the whole point. Of course Cruz groveled on his belly in front of Carlson. Because he was, once again, pandering to power!

Here’s the basic timeline and story. On Wednesday, January 5th, Cruz made a statement from his seat in a Senate committee meeting in which he referred to January 6th as a domestic terrorist attack, and praised law enforcement. But here’s the critical part. Nowhere have I been able to find a scarp of reporting that indicates that Trump managed to get out a national message slamming Cruz. It was Carlson who caught it, lambasted Cruz on his show, and it was Carlson that Cruz slunk off to for his spanking. So, who ran that show?

FUX in general, and their ass wipe celebrity hosts in particular love to take credit for making Trump. They highlighted his campaign, covered rallies, shut off the oxygen for every other candidate, and damn near gave him his own nightly show. And once Trump was elected, they enjoyed the glory of having the inside track tor exclusive interviews with Trump. And as the rest of the media turned on Trump, FUX pretty much became Trump’s sole media outlet.

One year ago today Trump was stripped of his social media privileges for his part in inciting the Capitol riot. 14 days later he slunk out of DC 3 hours before the inauguration to begin a life of exile in Mar-A-Lago. A man on an island. And he looked to Fux News and his faithful friends to keep him relevant.

And they came through. Sorta. They continued to put Trump on the air, but not the constant stream he was used to. A spur of the moment call to Fux and Friends or Hannity was no longer a guarantee of instant airtime access. Fux was rationing what he said, and when he said it.

But while Trump’s access was and still is limited, on air dickwads like Ingraham, Hannity, and Carlson are still spewing out Trumpism by the bucket load every night. Really? From where? Trump isn’t always getting through?

Simple answer. They’re making the shit up themselves, based on what their audience wants to hear. And why not? After all, they’re the ones who made Trump, who needs him anymore? Trump was always about ratings for FUX, and now they get to use him to pimp their ratings, whether he actually said it or not.

At this point, all I can do is to shake my head in wonder, and say to the GOP, stand up and take a bow, fools! You sold your souls to the Devil, and it’s time to pay the check. You’ve turned your party over to a bunch of semi literate talk show hosts who are going to put their agenda ahead of yours. 

And this is a problem for the GOP that goes far beyond Trump. Stay close and follow me here. Brainless twits like Laborious MTG and Sugar Daddy Matt Gaetz, along with Goober Louie Gohmert, and Gymbag He groped me coach! Jordan run to FUX for face time and fundraising potential. It was Carlson who smote Cruz in the chops, and Carlson is where Cruz slithered to go to confession. But let’s look out a bit, shall we?

Let’s just say that somewhere between now and the fall of 2023, something happens. Whether Trump passes on, is indicted, convicted, becomes infirm, or is declared insane, he isn’t running in 2024. Who’s the front runner? Well, at this point, I’d say whomever the FUX News hosts ordain! After all, they’re running the show, they’re running the public opinion of their viewers, and they’re running the access. Which is why Cruz went running off to lick Carlson’s nuts. He knows that even if the possibility presents itself, he can’t run for President in 2024 if FUX freezes him out. And nobody actually likes Cruz. Hell, he has to wear a pork chop bone to get his dog to play with him.

But let’s take it out one more level. Let’s say that nothing bad happens to Trump. But let’s just say that the Democrats pull off a shocker. Based on Trump 2024 fears, along with the demolition of democracy as we know it, the Democrats not only keep, but expand their majorities in the House and Senate. What happens then?

Sometime in 2023, Trump announces his candidacy for President in 2024. FUX News takes one look at His Lowness, with all of his attendant baggage, their sinking ratings, and the 2022 results, and decide that Trump is a loser? They decline to endorse him for his run. Sweet Jesus, what kind of a Godsmack mosh pit does the GOP primaries turn into? Who does FUX finally endorse? And since FUX News is interested only in catering to their base, whatever candidate that survives is already damaged goods coming out of the convention.

Be careful in calling me a moron in the comments. From its inception, FUX has never been a legitimate news organization, it has always been a political organ of the GOP. Political power is its goal. But it is ratings and revenue that allow them to exercise that power. They have no ideology, only a bottom line. And right now they own the GOP, lock, stock, and barrel.


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  1. “Hell, he has to wear a pork chop bone to get his dog to play with him.”

    I don’t believe that for a minute.

    I’m thinking the dog’s going to hold out for a bit of prime rib or a thick juicy T-bone.

    And even then, it’s only going to be halfhearted play. And only till the dog rips the prime rib or T-bone from Cruz. Which I’m guessing takes as much time as it takes to down a shot of tequila (which the dog probably also needs to get through playtime with Teddy).

  2. My favourite Ted Cruz witticism — Question: Why do people take an immediate dislike to Ted Cruz? Answer: It saves time.

  3. Fox News is playing the same essential game that the Lincoln Project has been aspiring to become: kingmakers of the American conservative movement. I think of them as I do the MAGA maggots: one-time subordinates with delusions of leadership. But they are falling into the trap that awaits any specialist who is particularly exceptional at their job: an overconfidence in areas outside of their actual area of expertise (see Elon Musk). Thus, they have only one thing to offer to the remnants of the GOP: further ruin that only a true leader–such as Liz Cheney–can undo.

  4. I’ve wondered what was with the beard, or facsimile thereof, on cancun’s face. Now I think I know: he can no longer stand to look at himself in the mirror.

    • No, what he looks like is a creep in a trenchcoat who hangs around a school yard saying, “Candy, little girl”>

  5. The left needs all the allies it can get to save democracy at this time in history. The Lincoln Project is trying to assist that goal. They appeal to Independents and reasonable Rs. What is wrong with taking their help and insider advice? Maybe some day they will start their own party, so what? There needs to be a counter balance at some point that is not insane.

    • The Lincoln Project DOESN’T help, not these days. The one thing they were good at–getting under Trump’s thin skin–is no longer useful and in terms of forming that new conservative party, they have been useless. Worse, they are a major reason why we are here now, much as they want us to forget. Never trust the arsonist to tell you how to put out the fire.


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