On Todays episode Of “As The Stomach Turns”


When last we saw our intrepid hero, Cantaloupe Calves King was in a bad way. Being chased by a ravenous pack of 434 wolves through a forest, all seemed lost. The situation only got more dire when, finally bursting out of the thick growth, King finds himself teetering on the edge of  a cliff, jagged rocks hundreds of feet below. Is this the end of our loud mouthed star? But then, just as all seems lost, a helicopter trailing a rope ladder, piloted by his trusty sidekick, Filthy Donnie, swoops in!   A helicopter with a rope ladder swoops in!   A helicopter with ”AAAAHHHHHHH!”   Shit! Cut to commercial

A couple of days ago, I wrote an article in which I highlighted the real reason why celebrated bigot and all around asshole Steve King was in such trouble. By stripping King of his committee assignments, the House GOP had also stripped any reason for special interests, big corporations, and lobbyists to ooze on into King;s office, envelopes stuffed full of campaign greenbacks in their crusty little claws, making any future reelection campaign much more cash strapped and difficult. But the events of today are reminding everyone that there is another, equally serious reason why no longer having committee assignments in his portfolio likely sounds the death knell for King’s long and sleaze filled tenure in the U House.

Today the papers in his home state of Iowa are calling on Steve king to resign over his overtly racist remarks. As with the GOP, the papers seem to be just a tad late to the party, like the high school kids who only run from the class drunk with the beer when he finally pukes on their shoes. But while predictable, the editorials calling for his resignation are nonetheless enlightening.

If you forget about the mechanics of campaign and personal swag for a moment, as far as the constituents of Iowa are concerned, why was Steve King elected in the first place? On a balmy spring day in our junior year, we learned in Civics 301 that Steve King had been sent to the US Capitol to represent and serve the people of his state, and his district. Sounds simple enough, but what does it really mean? Well, in practical terms, ya know, plain English, it means Give us free shit! That’s what a congressman is actually supposed to do in Washington, cut deals that bring cash and goods back to his state that nobody else gets. In political terms it’s called “pork,” and a successful congressman sends it home in box car loads.

You don’t bring home the bacon just by voting on bills. Why would somebody from another state propose legislation that benefits your state instead of theirs? But just writing a bill chock full of goodies for your voters doesn’t mean it’s going to become a law. It has to go through the appropriate committee first! And guess what House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy just pulled Steve King off of? All of his committee assignments.

As a senior representative from a largely agricultural state, King had been given the plum assignment of a seat on the Agricultural Committee. This put King in the position of having a critical say in all sorts of legislation that could mean millions of dollars of free shit! Since most committees are set up with the majority party having one more vote than the minority, this made King literally a “Kingmaker” in all things agricultural. This meant that not only was he assured a nonstop flow of farming issue lobbyists coming into his office with locked briefcases, but King got the glory for helping to shovel all of that lovely pork back to Iowa.

When you look at it in the terms of the simple mechanics of legislative politics, it’s no wonder that the newspapers in Iowa are calling for Steve King to resign. Not only is King no longer able to roll the pork barrels back home to Iowa, if he bothers to submit a bill for legislation, the committee chairs will wipe their ass with it. As far as Iowa was concerned, Steve King was literally a “useful idiot,” and now that his usefulness to his state is over, why bother to keep his racist ass around, embarrassing them on a regular basis? Better to put him out to pasture, along with the rest of the cow shit, and install somebody who can actually get something done. So, apparently I’m not the only one who can sum it up with the two words “adios motherfucker,” turns out it’s the state song where Steve king is concerned.

Follow me on Twitter at @RealMurfster35

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