The NRA has a new Crackpot in Chief!


Apparently the National Rifle Association has a built in shelf life for homicidal megalomania. And so, one of my all time favorite rawhide chew toys, Wayne LaPierre, is going to slither back under his rock. Which left the NRA with a problem, how do you top a guy who looks like a high school remedial math teacher, walking down the street in camouflage with a MAC-10, his eyes pinballing around like the judge in “Who framed Roger Rabbit?” Not to worry, the Merchants of Murder over at the NRA have this one covered.

And the winner is? *:10 drum roll* Oliver North! I know, “Who?” You gotta go back a ways to find the last time that Oliver North was topical, but when you shine a flashlight into that cave, you realize what a perfect fit he is for the NRA.

Here’s Oliver North’s sole claim to fame. Back in the 80’s he was a starring witness in the Iran-Contra hearings, and in fact, was convicted on three charges, before the convictions were later vacated.

But it isn’t the fact that North was nothing more than a common thug that makes him so perfect a fit for the NRA. It was the crimes that he was involved in that makes him a poster child for the militarization of the general population.

In it’s simplest form, here’s Iran-Contra in a nutshell. Saint Ronny Raygun wanted to fund the contra’s in Nicaragua in their endless quest to defeat communism in Latin America. Unfortunately for the Great Constipator, the congress didn’t want to play ball. So, Reagan cooked up a lamebrain scheme. At the time, we had an arms embargo on Iran for their churlish behavior in the region. Lt Colonel Ollie North was a staff member on Reagan’s National Security Council. North was tasked with secretly selling arms to Iran, in direct contradiction to our own arms embargo, and then take the money we got from Iran, and secretly funnel that to the contra’s in Nicaragua. What could go wrong? Turns out, everything. Unfortunately for Uncle Ronnie, congress had a little more on the ball than his most famous costar, Bonzo. Reagan al most got impeached, and North took one for the team.

This is why Oliver North is such a natural to head the NRA into it’s turbulent future. A smaller number of people are buying weapons, and companies like Winchester are filing for bankruptcy. What better man to lead the armaments industry to their next halcyon days, putting quad .50’s and shoulder fired anti tank missiles on the streets of Everywhere USA, than a guy who sold the real heavy shit to basically a  Middle East terrorist organization that found religion? David Hogg and his buddies have long, and likely successful careers ahead of them by the looks of it.

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