Movie trailers are an artform in and of themselves. They are designed to encapsulate the most exciting scenes in a movie and pique curiosity to see the real thing. A trailer should dazzle, not dismay, a trailer should excite, not sedate. Take a look at what Melania’s trailer is and see if you can equate this with a $40,000,000 budget. That’s not low budget, there have been classics made with that much money or substantially less. My Dinner With Andre was one of those classics and it was made for $475,000. So what can we expect from breakfast, lunch and dinner with Melania (and Donald?)
Do you like that Russian-sounding music at the end? Maybe Moscow Nights should be Melania’s new theme song?
And I love that line she drops, “Peacemaker and unifier.” She almost snarls it. And her “here we go again” line at the beginning may be intended to sound coy but both lines come across sounded bored and jaded. And that, I suspect, is what we’re going to get from a feature length film in January. And a lot of costume changes, don’t forget the costume changes.
We are told by Google that the film “aims to present a controlled, assertive image of Melania, contrasting with past public perceptions.” So it’s a $40,000,000 PR job? With cutaway shots of her stiletto boots? Aye aye aye, we may be in for a real snoozer here.
We’re also told by Google that the movie is “seen as a vehicle for both her and director Brett Ratner to re-enter the public eye.” Brett Ratner is another guy like Harvey Weinstein, he did himself in with sexual misconduct charges many years ago and this is his comeback.
Why does Melania even need a “comeback?” All she has to do is show up at the White House and do the job of First Lady like everybody before her and she’ll have all the press she can possibly handle and then some.
We’re also told the movie will be, “In theaters January 30, 2026, with a potential follow-up docuseries.” Well, if it’s a smash hit then I guess we’ll get The Apprentice: Melania Edition to look forward to for who knows how many years.
I have the same gut instinct I had when CATS! was made into a movie and it fell flat on its face. And at least CATS! had star power and tremendous music. It just didn’t make the transition from the stage to the screen, some shows don’t.
Here’s what Vanity Fair says:
In a statement, the first lady described the film in gauzily distant terms, calling it a document of her “remarkable journey” navigating “family, business, and philanthropy.” “History is set in motion during the 20 days of my life prior to the US presidential inauguration,” Melania said. “For the first time, global audiences are invited into theaters to witness this pivotal chapter unfold.”
The trailer doesn’t mark the first time Melania has tried to give viewers a carefully curated behind-the-scenes look at her life, to mixed results. In October 2024, she released a memoir, also called Melania, accompanied by an audiobook (Melania: The Audiobook) that offered narration by an AI Melania replica. At the time, Vanity Fair’s reviewer noted that the project “falls victim to Melania’s tendency to skate over useful information in favor of gassing up her husband.”
She’s going to gas up the gasbag. Great. Not like we haven’t seen plenty of that. I’m sticking with my original instinct, a CATS! level cinematic flop and no docuseries. Although I could be wrong: this might be the Edward D. Wood standard of documentaries, a political Plan 9 From Outer Space, in which case viewers will be screaming for more, and howling on their way to the theater.
Watch it go one extreme or the other.
Well…. I just won’t be able to make it to a “theater near me” to see this. I am after all disabled and while that doesn’t mean I can’t get out it takes some planning. And gosh darn it I have to wash my hair every day and now that the neuropathy has started in on my hands there’s all the time I’ll have to spend on THAT.
(Note to those who don’t look at my articles or comments very often. See that guy in the avatar with the cocker spaniel? That’s me. That pic is over twenty five years old and I was bald long before that!. IOW I’m being snarky. You’d have to PAY me and pay me a LOT to sit through a couple of hours of Melania’s bullshit.)
The trailer is a POS. If those are the highlights, what could the lowlights be? And a budget of forty million bucks for cutaway shots of Melania’s boots? This could be Edward D. Wood level, I’m telling you right now.
Anybody that sits through Big Ms couple of hours of drivel is time lost that they’ll never get back. Period! Why someone would want to inflict that horrid purgatorial experience on themself defies logic. There’s no antidote to the level risk exposure emanating from that hazardous production, should it be allowed to materialise. Don’t do it, you’ll turn into a pillar of salt, or something not quite dissimilar. You’ll be better off, and safer, by being risk adverse and reading what qualified reviewers have to say, whilst they sink their stiletto and give it a twist, for good measure. I’m sure Big M is aware it’s on the cards that her big reveal is trashy twaddle and box office bollox. It’ll attract flues, for sure.
Let’s just see who flocks to the box office or doesn’t flock. That will tell the tale. This “movie” could end up on streaming within the week. That’s the only way I’ll watch it, is if it comes free with Amazon prime.
Bret Ratner says it all. I adore Olivia Munn and she is one who accused him of a “lewd” act. But then this is Melania who, well…….we say all the pictures. I hope the populace BOYCOTS THIS. bull shite.
I can’t wait for the reviews. If the trailer is any indication, the reviews are going to be savage. And I’d love to know who dreamt up a “docuseries.” Does anybody want to see this drivel once a week?
I preferred Melania’s old movies, y’know, the ones with just one costume change, from barely dressed to stark naked, along with her co-star(s). And no stilted dialogue to get in the way, just heavy breathing and some moans. Most of the budget was spent on body oil.
a conversation between melania and wallace shawn i would watch. and melania was paid 40 mil, the budget was probably a lot less, ratner and some cut rate, non union camera sound and lighting people. the point to it was that giving all that money to melania was a backdoor bribe to dpnald