If You Thought DeSantis Was Funny On The Stump, Just Wait Until You See Him At Home

One thing you can say about covering Florida Flop Gov Ron Pissantis, he’s never boring. He entered the race on a f*ck up, and exited it with his customary 3 yo pout via the app formerly known as Twitter.

Let’s just have a quick recap of what made Pissantis such amusing fodder;

• DeSantis announced his campaign launch on Imperial Wizard Elon Musk’s racist app, which promptly crashed even before DeSantis was live. Pissantis could have larger media cover if he took out a from page ad in The Des Moines Register
• For almost the first four months of the campaign, with the field all to himself, Pissantis wasn’t exactly what one could call highly motivated to hit the campaign trail. Oh, he made campaign speeches, but all of them were made in his home state of Florida. And for a good reason
• When he finally went on the road to Iowa and New Hampshire, it was a nightmare. It was an actual DeSantis supporter in Iowa who summed his personality up perfectly, He’s the nicest guy I never met. A Haley supporter summed it up even better, To know Ron DeSantis is to not want to know Ron DeSantis. Personally, I’m betting that the sales clerks at Saks pay DeSantis to go shop at Macy’s
• It wasn’t like DeSantis wasn’t prepared. After all, he thoroughly means tested his main campaign theme, WOKE! in front of dozens of friendly Florida crowds before taking his traveling carnival on the road. Where it promptly crashed and burned like an experimental aircraft, leaving Pissantis nothing to talk about at his rallies
• And Dear Lord, he was arrogant. In one appearance at the Iowa State Fair, he chastised a mother over how much sugar her child was packing away. He also had a nasty habit of talking over potential voters who were criticizing him or opposing his positions
• But in the post campaign autopsy report, DeSantis’s main cause of death will be that he spent money like a drunken  sailor on shore leave in Singapore. He started his ring quest with a reported $130-140 million war chest. Which he pissed away almost exclusively In Iowa! He put together an Iowa ground game and phone bank operation that most candidates would have spread over 3-4 states. The Iowa local television stations were nicknamed DeSantis Channel 1, DeSantis Channel 2, and DeSantis 3. And it is being reported that DeSantis spent millions of dollars on private jet travel. Sh*t. When John Anderson ran for President, he dragged his mini press corp around from stop to stop in his VW microbus. And John McCain had the Straight Talk Express motor coach, which also transported his press entourage

But now it’s over. And it’s not like DeSantis was welcomed home as a victorious warrior when that last private plane hit the tarmac in Tallahassee today. Former GOP operative Rick Wilson perfectly summed up DeSantis’s humiliation today when he said on MSNBC, You don’t exit a race because you’re losing. You exit a race because you’ve run out of money. Truer words were never spoken.

But DeSantis is about to find out what it truly feels like to be A man on an island. From the day Biden was declared the winner in 2020, DeSantis saw his opening to finally come out from under Traitor Tot’s shadow. And so he spent the next three years ordering his complacent GOP super majority in the legislature to pass every single, far right, obstructive, cruel, likely illegal, discriminatory law he could think of. For the sole reason of wanting the Iowa voters to love him. *Fade to clack*

That being said, DeSantis is toast, but he’s not going down alone. While DeSantis may not be running for political office anytime soon in Florida, being turfed out at the end of his 2nd term, all of those other jokers in the state legislature that gave him close air support are going to have to run again, either this year or in 2026. And they’re in deep kimchi.

It seems like at least half of the dysfunctional, discriminatory laws that they passed for DeSantis are in court. But worse yet, they’re getting the blowback, not DeSantis. Especially in the arenas of the Disney debacle, the Don’t Say Gay school law, and turning Florida universities into 3rd rate 1860’s one room schoolhouses. Throw in the 6 week abortion ban, and grassroots organizations are spring up all over Florida to fight both their idiotic laws, as well as turf them out in November. Don’t look for DeSantis to get jack sh*t done in his last two years legislatively. The statehouse 3 year old’s have already burned their fingers enough times on that particular stove. And Pissantis can’t do them much good anymore.

One last thing. Some pundits are saying that DeSantis is dropping out of the race this early to spare himself the embarrassment of more humiliating electoral losses. Let sleeping dogs lie, and write another dipsh*t book in 2026, and hit the campaign trail again in 2027.

BULL-SH*T! For two simple reasons. First of all, as I like to say, You never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression. Now you know why there are dictatorships. Talentless ass clowns like this can’t get anybody to like them until they’re surrounded by Mastadons with guns. Which DeSantis actually tried! There is an entire IMDB database out there of spectacular DeSantis verbal stupidity for 2028 opponents to hammer him over the head with.

Second, forget about the Trombie idiots he’ll try to sucker again in 2028. GOP big money donors funneled some $130-150 million into his 2024 run, And a report I saw today said that that investment assayed out to about $30,000 a vote for every vote he got in Iowa. Which means that he spent just about $30,000 a vote to lose Iowa by 30 freakin’ points! Good luck trying to go back to these guys in 2027 for some more Monopoly money.

But here’s the McGuffin, and it gives me enough of a case of the warm-and-fuzzies that I want to share it with you. DeathSantis is still going to get even more humiliation dumped over his head in the next few weeks. because while DeathSantis may have skated by suspending his campaign two lousy days before the New Hampshire primary, his name is still on the ballot in New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Nevada. Which means that he’ll get to listen to network anchors talk about how he got clobbered by 45 points in New Hampshire, 51 points in South Carolina, and at least as much in Nevada. Payback is a bitch, and she’s in heat.

I thank you for the privilege of your time.