I Think John Oliver Would Refer To The Trump Crime Family As “The Stupid Godfather”

It’s a fact that Donald Trump idolizes the Mob. He comes to his adoration in the most natural way, personal exposure. Trump first bumped up against the mob when he was just getting started in New York’s real estate development. After all, one or the other of the five families basically ran the construction, demolition, and waste cartage companies in New York. It was hard to miss them. Even further back, his father’s, and then his favorite lawyer was the notorious mob lawyer Roy Cohn.

Whether purposely or accidentally, Trump has modeled his persona on classic mobsters. Expensive suits, shoulders back, chin jutting, striding with elbows swinging, taking sh*t from nobody, and most importantly, always exacting revenge. But it’s pitifully obvious that Traitor Tot never actually watched The Godfather, because man!, did he ever f*ck up the organization chart for the Cornholeone Family.

But if Trump wants to be thought of as a mob kingpin, congratulations, he has already surpassed Scarface Al Capone. After all, my research shows that despite multiple arrests, Capone’s only indictment was the one he went down for on federal income tax evasion charges. Trump is now at four sets of indictments and counting. But considering that the whole purpose of a criminal organization is to protect the Boss, I’m not sure there are many bragging rights there for His Lowness.

Look, forget the movies. I grew up in Cicero, Illinois, when the Capone mob basically owned it, and for several years lived next door to a Capo in the Family. An old time organized crime family was actually a very rigidly structured organization, and the top rule was to protect Da Boss. As such, the Boss could be flashy and extravagant, because nobody could ever touch him. The soldiers, or button men were the ones we all came to know and loathe, because they kept getting caught doing stupid sh*t. But people seldom saw the Consiglieri, the mobs legal counsel, who advised Da Boss but seldom if ever went to court, or the Capos, or captains, who used trusted underlings to do the wet work when sanctions were required. They had already paid their dues.

So you basically were working with a bifurcated system. The Godfather could be flashy and extravagant, because his ass was covered. And the soldiers were easily expendable, and knew to keep their mouths shut on fear of death. But the Consiglieri and Capos? You never saw them in public if they could avoid it. They were protected by Omerta, the law of silence by the soldiers, and were an unbreakable wall to protect the Godfather with their lives.

But now let’s look at the Don Cornholeone org chart. At the top you had Don the Con himself, Da Boss. Under him you had Rudy Giuliani, his Consiglieri. I never considered White House Counsel in that role, since he showed a stubborn independence. Then come the Capo’s, trusted advisors like John Eastman, Roger Stone, Peter Navarro, Steve Bannon, Kenneth Cheseboro and Boris Epsteyn. The button men are of course the Loud Toys, the Oath Kreepers, and the rest of the ragtag mob that assembled on January 6th, simply because they’re cut-outs, because there’s no way to tie them directly to Trump just so long as the organization holds!

But here’s the McGuffin. In a real organized crime family, the Capos and Consiglieri never, ever needlessly expose themselves to scrutiny. Because they’re protected by the button men. But in the last six months, just look at what Trump’s nearest and dearest have done;

• Idiot lawyer John Eastman actually put together a power point presentation outlining the fake elector scheme, and let it survive after it was accepted. He also spoke at the Ellipse on January 6th, exhorting the mob to violence
• Dipsh*t Trump trade representative Peter Navarro appeared on The Beat with Ari Melber on MSNBC, lovingly describing the fake elector scheme, which he dubbed The Green Bay Sweep, and when Melber told him, You know you just described a coup?, Navarro hitched for a moment, and then said, No, without providing any repudiation
• Trump legal hack Boris Epsteyn appeared on The Beat, where he admitted making phone calls to push the fake elector scheme, but defending himself by saying that the contacts were legal, and approved by none other than Rudy Giuliani
• Trump flamethrower Steve Bannon went onto his moronic podcast on January 5th, and sonorously proclaimed that January 6th will be nothing like you think it will. Nothing like you think. So, just show up and strap in
• Trump idjit Roger Rabbit stone was recorded by a documentarian dictating an early draft of the fake elector scheme two days before Biden was even declared the winner, and then strolling around the Capitol grounds with a four man Oath Kreepers security detail while the carnage reigned on January 6th
• Ambulance chaser Kenneth Cheseboro, regarded as one of the architects of the fake elector scheme got himself recorded in a restricted outside area of the Capitol grounds, wearing a MAGA hat, and partying down with the rioters

Don Vito Corleone would roll over in his grave if he ever saw this sh*t. The entire purpose of the organization was to protect the Consiglieri and the Capos, just so long as they kept their heads down, and let the button men take the rap. That’s what they’re there for! The consiglieri can’t roll over on he Godfather unless a Capo or Capos rolls over on the consiglieri. And the Capos won’t roll over on the Consiglieri unless enough buttons roll over on them.

But in the Don Cornholeone crime family, the Consiglieri and most of the Capos have stuck their heads up out of their weasel holes, and voluntarily exposed themselves to public and legal scrutiny and culpability. Jack Smith and Fani Willis no longer need to sweat bullets trying to flip the buttons to put pressure on the Capos and the Consiglieri. The stupid f*cks did that to themselves. These morons couldn’t run a crap game with loaded dice in an insane asylum. They’re all going down, unless they get a deal, and at least one of them will drag Don Cornholeone down with them. The Untouchables it ain’t.