Say what you will about Mitch McConnell, he is one of a kind. You’re not going to find too many people that can claim that somebody is a “first rate person” as McConnell has said about Joe Biden, yet who also lets his aides slander Biden as senile and refer to his chief of staff as Prime Minister Klain. You won’t find too many people who will say that they consider somebody “a personal friend” and then vow “One hundred percent of my focus is on stopping this new administration,” while also referring to said friend as a socialist. That’s Mitch McConnell. To him it all makes sense.
Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank has taken this all in, and he came up with a great idea for a new reality TV show. Lot of that going on in Washington these days. It got started when McConnell was asked at the Chamber of Commerce, who he would choose to be stranded on a desert island with, and the choices were Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton or Jimmy Carter. McConnell chose Biden.
McConnell’s desert-island answer gave me the unfortunate mental image of the two septuagenarians competing together on Discovery’s reality TV show “Naked and Afraid,” in which an unclothed pair are dropped in the wilderness for 21 days with only one survival item apiece. For reasons of good taste, I picture our contestants clothed: marooned Biden wearing Ray-Bans and shirtsleeves and marooned McConnell in pinstriped suit. Biden’s survival item is a cup for boiling water. McConnell’s survival item is a filibuster. Instead of squabbling over campsite placement, they’re bickering about covid relief. […]
McConnell is not a man you’d want in your foxhole — or on your desert island. But his treachery would make for good television. I propose a “Naked and Afraid” spinoff: “In the Swamp.”
Episode One: Biden erects a tent. McConnell knocks it down. Biden builds a hut. McConnell burns it down. Biden digs a shelter in the ground. McConnell fills it with scorpions and snakes.
Episode Two: The survivalists go fishing. Biden spears a fish. Biden goes foraging for kindling to cook the fish but returns to discover that McConnell has eaten the whole fish raw. McConnell blames Biden for his upset stomach.
Episode Three: McConnell introduces Biden to an orangutan he has befriended with blaze-orange fur. The orangutan destroys their camp, eats all their food, contaminates their water supply, then attacks the Discovery camera crew. But McConnell tells Biden he cannot stop the orangutan because there is a Senate runoff in Georgia.
Episode Four: Biden “taps out” and calls for a helicopter evacuation. McConnell, chased by the orangutan, clambers aboard, too. The men have survived only three days together. Each ends with a PSR (Primitive Survival Rating) score of zero.
And remember, this is what McConnell does to people he considers first rate and personal friends. We would not want to conjecture what he would do if he didn’t like Biden. Treachery is so much second nature to McConnell, he doesn’t consider it treachery. It just is the way things are. It’s who he is.
Be more fun if it were McTurtle and McCarthy.
They’d eat each other alive.
I see a different scenario at the end:
Biden taps out and calls for the helicopter evacuation. McConnell, chased by the orangutan, clambers aboard, only for Biden to kick him back out into the waiting arms of the orangutan which promptly shreds McConnell’s face and body. When asked why he did it, Biden responds “I did it for the ape; for some reason, Mitch kept calling it ‘Donald’ and the ape would go wild every single time.”
These evil bastards are so narcissistic, they don’t believe in anything they can’t own, fuck, or eat. “Ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.” Pink Floyd…contrary to what they notice, the grave awaits, & some people say judgement awaits. Don’t know if that’s true, but if so, I, for one, wouldn’t want to show up like Carrie, covered in innocent blood. Oh, & having traded my immoral soul for temporary gain. Didn’t bother the German SS as they tossed living children into the furnaces. At least until they face God. The turtle, the Orange maggot, the devil’s many whores will join him in eternal darkness according to the text. Forever.