There was a Beverly Hillbillies episode back in the day that featured Jed Clampett wearing a tuxedo. Even a hillbilly sit com character looked more convincing in fancy threads and eating caviar than the character in the White House.

Long story short, if you’re just now tuning in, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles must be atoning for some terrible crime, either in this lifetime or a previous one, because they were forced to drive to Winfield Hall, the home of the American ambassador, to have dinner two nights in a row with Trump and Melania.

The American ambassador, just by the by, is Woody Johnson, owner of the New York Jets. Nobody ever told Trump that you just don’t appoint one of your a$$hole friends to the Court of St. James, but if you had told him, he wouldn’t have listened, so what does it really matter?

In any event, Melania was decked out in a floor length red gown. All she needs now is the dagger and the pentacle and she’s all set to be an acolyte of Satan, no problem. I wonder if she drank blood during dinner? God knows she was dressed for it. But if you take a look at the photo, she basically blends in with the rug, so perhaps that was the motivation, a desire to just sink into the floor and be gone. We can’t say we blame her one bit, on that score.

So, dinner proceeded. Now, you’ll be relieved to know that Trump didn’t send out for fast food — although the menu was boringly plain, considering this was a state occasion. Naturally, Trump had steak and potatoes, his was probably burnt with lots of ketchup. Dessert was vanilla ice cream. My God, these people are lacking in imagination and savoir faire — on top of everything else.

In any event, maybe the vanilla ice cream gave Trump’s tum tum an ache-y, because he was up at 1:30 a.m. attacking Bette Midler. Anyhow, here’s what went down. You figure it out.

 

Now I’m going to go on record here, saying that I don’t blame Midler for falling for this. I once almost posted a piece from the New Yorker about Ben Carson looking for HUD in the Bible and somebody stopped me in time and said, “Don’t post it, it’s Andy Borowitz,” who writes the satire column for the magazine. Carson is so emphatically stupid, that it’s impossible to parody him, and that’s why it almost slipped past me. I’m sure you caught his latest gaffe, when a congresswoman asked him about REO and he said Oreo? The SNL writers can’t write better than that. And this is on the congressional record now, stupidity for the ages, for all mankind to see.

So, Midler made an honest mistake, owned up to it, and promptly apologized. She’s a lady and I applaud her. Let me just interject this about apologies, because Donald Trump has never made one and considers it a sign of weakness. An apology makes a statement to the person apologized to that the person’s feelings are important enough for you to make an effort to set things straight. Trump not only did not graciously accept Midler’s amend, he went off his rocker — and at 1:30 a.m.

Interesting how he puts “your great president” in quotes — like you or I would do, if we were actually saying the opposite, and wanted to make sure our snideness got across. Freudian slip?

Now, here’s the tweet that probably set Trump off, and made it impossible to accept Midler’s retraction.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! I love it! Donald, you SHOULD NOT eat rat poison! It’s bad for you!

In any event, tomorrow is the last day of the three day siege of Britain by Trump. Londoners’ sensibilities haven’t been so violated since the blitzkrieg. Camilla Parker Bowles winked at the cameras when Trump first arrived, an image that has since gone viral. British tongues are planted firmly in cheek and everybody is just trying to get on with it.

Prince Phillip didn’t show up for Trump at all. The man is 97 years old and has arguably had enough of this kind of horse and pony show — although I daresay in almost a century of life he has never seen anything like Trump. And apparently, he wants it that way. For him, the arrival of Trump never took place.

Would that the same was true for us.

 

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1 COMMENT

  2. I love the irony quotes around “your great president.” Perfect. And he had no idea he was doing that!

    Camilla looks lovely.

    • I wonder how that happened, honestly? I thought, those can’t be intended for irony, because he’d be mocking himself — and this is a guy who can’t laugh at himself at all. He’s never made self-deprecating remarks, which would actually humanize him a bit, if he ever could admit a flaw. I have no answer on this one.

      • He is completely incapable of irony.
        This appears to be one of the numerous occasions where he proves himself capable of stupidity.

    • Why do you say that? Midler caught her mistake and apologized and then she sent Trump a zinger. I’m not following you here.

  4. Regarding Melania, that bit about the pentagram made me realize that she actually looks like a Hammer Horror movie starlet who accidentally stepped through a time warp, a bit like a defective clone of Ingrid Pitt (RIP to a true lady of humor and class).

      • A fan of many years standing, yes. Pitt was actually my introduction to such through Countess Dracula, which I saw when I was about 11 on the old USA network. Still think the world of the late Peter Cushing and Sir Christopher Lee…certainly much more than I do for the Trump clan.

        • I watched USA up all night too, my favorite was Creature Features. I loved a movie called ‘Blood on Satan’s claw,’ lol, I think it was about witches. It has been so long. I thought Barbara Steele was so beautiful, as was Ingrid Pitt.

    • The dress is actually quite classy, don’t know what you all are going on about. Compared to some of her other choices this trip, she’s stylin’.
      He seems to have gotten a decent tailor for this black-tie affair, unlike the disastrous tailcoat and waistcoat. Pity the royals who have to try to converse with him in civilzed fashion, though.

      • it still looks too much like a theatrical costume and not an evening dress. I know I sound catty when I go on about Melania, but other first ladies have been a lot more understated in their choice of wardrobe and it worked. She dresses to catch the eye and be the center of attention, rather than dressing appropriately for the occasion. But I agree with you that somebody got a tailor to Trump for this second round, absolutely.

  5. The so-called POTUS, is showing he is STILL the biggest blithering idiot in anything to do with international relations, and his incompetence is glaringly dangerous …

    As he seems to have an obvious problem with communication skills and ALWAYS lets his narcissism be his voice, which directly threatens the stability and security we once had, there was absolutely no gain for the UK or ourselves by his turkey trot in London …

    His voicing things about China’s supply chain to our manufacturers and how they are cheating and attacking our economy, his non-knowledge of how trade works and complete idiocy about how his mighty pen and imposed tariffs make him feel SO POWERFUL, yet WE pay the price …

    China could shut down tons of R&D, tons of manufacturing capability virtually immobilizing new technology in the grid systems and electric vehicles with a simple stroke of their pens, not one shot fired … how you say?

    Trump goes off on China one time too many, his mouth is a WMD … all they have to do is embargo rare earth magnet materials, you have seen or played with those little chrome plated magnets, small as a pea but VERY sticky magnets.

    The larger ones can pull with massive strength, yet be compact and useful for electric motors and other neat things like generators to keep the lights on … or recharging the electric cars … CHINA owns most of this material, has plants to generate those magnets, something that could place us in the tank, with a 15 year, “build our own”, factory system, going all over the world to find small sources of the rare earth that are NOT owned already by CHINA … sometimes DJT should just STFU and sit down ….

    • Which begs another question, Darrel…why has the Chinese not done so already? Best answer I can come up with (and this is strictly based on what few solid facts I know and some gut instinct): they’d lose just as much as we would at this point. The One Belt, One Road program is solidifying their international ties, trade included, but we currently remain their best customer, I suspect. Of course, as you also pointed out, Trump’s mouth, which never signed a check it could actually cash, may make them decide to say the hell with it.

      • I suspect you are right, but when I think of all the stunts of stupidity by Trump, even against the advice of experts, “just because I’m the President”, he COULD and has embarrassed the US with rants against those that provide important supports for our mainstream manufacturing system … there is no thought on his part, absolutely wants to be a rableraiser to call attention to his importance …

        CHINA could do this anytime, and since THEY own this system and COULD supply other nations like Putin’s kingdom or NK/SK or other near neighbors at will, without bothering to OK the deals with Trump, DJT could tip the scales badly, because China holds a LOT of good card hands NOW, major supplier of almost everything we use daily at a price our population wants to pay, and Trump is a big loser on HIS deals, he just wants to play the game to be seen, NOT necessary to WIN …

        Incredibly dangerous for the US … they could offer their production at a deep cut in costs to any other country while cutting the US out completely … that is the result of a huge trade war if DJT keeps messing with something he knows NOTHING about, whoever is whispering this crap in his ear needs to be silenced by removal from the WH …

        • It’s not just because he can, It’s because he truly believes he’s smarter than literally anyone else. Doesn’t matter if he knows anything about it; his gut tells him what to do. Terrifying.

  6. Well, at least his tux appears to be properly tailored/fitted. I still can’t get over just how ghastly his White Tie get up was for a freaking official State Dinner! For a guy who fancied himself the epitome of high class that was as tacky as it could have gotten. Even for someone who doesn’t know the particulars of White Tie it was clear that even if he was the 6’3″ he claims to be (he’s not) he weighs a helluva lot more than 239 pounds (a number specifically chosen in his annual physical reports because one more pound would make him officially obese – and I say that as one who is well over the line for my own height which is a legitimate 6’4″) and even in the straight on front shots you can see the wrinkles (cause by the tugging of buttons under stress) on his way the hell too long waistcoat.

    One can only imagine the lengths staff will have to go through to keep him from seeing pictures of him from an angle where his gut really shows. Ten bucks says they’ve been begging the CEO of Twitter to write an algorithm that blocks any such pictures so Trump won’t see how awful he looked – at a place and in a setting where he thinks HE should be full time!

    He’s stumbling through this visit to the UK like a drunken hobo that found a bin of discarded clothing in the alley behind a medium quality men’s clothing store. More importantly though he might be given anti-Brexit folks some actual ammunition. Many have wanted a “do over” on the referendum and as time has gone by and some who thought “what the hell – why not” or even bought some of the b.s. about how good it would be have realized what a catastrophe it will be even in the best possible Brexit deal with the European Union. And now we have Trump touting a trade agreement once Brexit is accomplished that would let American insurers to start mucking with their National Health Service! IOW if enough MPs can’t bring themselves to vote no & override the Brexit referendum results (it’s an actual option as I understand it) they might well be able to at least call for another referendum and if they do it in a “snap” election before the trolls can get another disinformation campaign going the UK might yet save itself. All because Trump keeps shooting off his mouth.

    • Personally, I think the drunken hobo could have pulled it off better. And it would be highly ironic if Trump’s notoriously loose lips accomplished all you’re theorizing vis-a-vis Brexit. Can’t imagine that making Vlad happy.

    • As despised in the UK as Trump is, I can’t imagine the Brits wanting to get in bed with American health insurers. If there was a good president in the WH, Obama, Hillary, somebody they could respect, we might be looking at a different picture.

      I’ve always suspected the Kochs had Cambridge Analytica muck with the Brexit referendum so that they could have the Brits coming hat in hand to the US for health care. I don’t know if their scheme will pay off now.

      • I think you’re closer to the mark with Cambridge Analytica than you realize. I’ve seen good reporting about Putin’s cyber warriors playing games r.e. the Brexit vote and since some of CA’s people had ties it’s almost a given that at least unwittingly they helped Russia muck with voters on the referendum.

        Btw I forgot to mention something that popped into my mind with the Beverly Hillbillies reference in your story. Do you remember a TV special from the early 70s named That’s Entertainment? It was a look back at great performers with a lot of black & white footage from old films. At my age the only way I knew Buddy Ebsen as Uncle Jed, and btw even in that role he wore the tux well although he acted uncomfortable. Anyway, I was fascinated watching all these old film clips just as my mom (who was on a baking binge in the kitchen had told me I would be) when all of a sudden I saw a younger but unmistaken Buddy Ebsen dancing – in White Tie no less. I recall screaming to my mom to come look specifically saying “Uncle Jed is on TV dancing in a tux and he’s really good!” Mom took a break to come watch with me & then clued me in that people were surprised at him taking the Uncle Jed role because he’d been known as a “hoofer” (which she then had to explain meant dancer) during his career before then. Ok, so maybe he wasn’t Fred Astair elegant but he was awfully stylish! And as I said even as Uncle Jed he wore his “penguin suit” a helluva lot better than Trump did the other night.

        • Ebsen was indeed a hoofer and wore tails elegantly. Even playing Jed Clampett that came across. Trump was born wealthy, but he didn’t fraternize with people of taste or distinction, and that much is obvious. He looks totally awkward all gussied up. On the other hand, I’ve heard it said, class is something you’re born with, you either have it or you don’t.

    • I was following a twitter thread where they were analyzing his clothing, and a post where they were talking about the proper fit for white-tie-and-tails. You’d think that someone on the WH staff, or in the State Department, could have gotten through to them How It’s Done. (Himself seems to go for “off the rack” suits, even though they don’t fit him either, and he has no clue how they should fit, at all.)

  7. “All she needs now is the dagger and the pentagon, and she’s all set to be an acolyte of Satan, no problem.” The pentagon? A five sided building that houses the top echelon of the military? Didn’t know Satan was into five sided buildings.

    I think her husband has the pentagon. All their blather about Trump needs to not politicize the military is rather amusing. I hope all the WWII vets at the DDay ceremonies tomorrow have USS McCain hats to wear. McCain was one of their admirals during that war, well decorated and sunk Uboats. If we could only sink the Trumpboat….

    • In magical rituals a chalice, dagger, pentagon, and wand are used. I’ll change the word to “pentangle” but believe me, people who dink around with Wicca and what not, call it a pentagon. This I have read. I hope somebody knows that a pentangle is a five sided object, but better they have to look it up than think I’m talking about the military headquarters. HA!

        • A pentagram is a drawing that you make on the floor, or trace in the air with your hand. It’s a beginning to Satanic ritual. But you’re on the right page.

          • My husband thought the Pentagon Papers showed the evil thinking that occurred in the Pentagon during the Nam War…as a grunt during Nam, he always wondered about those “body counts” they did out in the field.

        • Pentagrams are used by Wiccans (those who practice pagan rituals but are not satanic), but were co-opted by Satanists in the early 19th century. They put a goat’s head in the middle of the pentagram. Wiccans use pentagrams in their various rituals. So do Satanists. Actually the pentagram was used by Jews, Christians, Greeks, B’Hai, etc. long before it was co-opted by Satanists.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentagram

          http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Pentagram

          And if you really want some mathematical information
          http://mathworld.wolfram.com/Pentagram.html

          • Many symbols started out benign. The pentagram was in wide use, and so was the swastika, before it got it’s horrific connotation with Nazism. It’s pretty much branded now, and will be through the ages.

            BTW, I repeated your great line to a few people, how some religious wingnut was calling you Satan, and you said, “So pay your child support before I lay your soul to waste.” That was hysterical. That scene belongs in a movie.

          • All of my paralegals and legal secretaries through the years have said so many of my cases belonged in a movie. I get some really stupid doozies in this office. Like the woman who wanted the custom made dildo from Phuket returned to her. He sent it to her, then when they broke up he took it with him. I was racking my brain on opening statement for this one…if it fits, you must award it?/it was custom made to bring her pleasure which none of us can measure…
            This is why I don’t watch soap operas…the whole case load is a continuing soap opera. : O

          • This is hysterical. Where do you find these clients? Could you possibly be persuaded to write a piece on at least a couple of these cases? I would love to publish it here. Seriously. I want to hear more.

          • I have no idea where some of these clients come from, except now it’s mainly referrals and a few from the website. And opposing counsel is just as batshit at times. Just had a case where opposing counsel kept arguing that his client couldn’t be in arrears in child support because he paid over $32k to the ex and it shows he’s not in arrears. Oh duh, that money was paid pursuant to a temporary order, not the final order. You know the one that is ongoing child support.
            As my paralegal used to say, “Only on Satan’s caseload because it’s another bat out of hell case.” Lol!! I can draft a piece on some of these cases but I’m up to my ass in paper alligators and upcoming trials for the next few weeks. My husband always says I ought to write a book and title it “You Can’t Make This Shit Up”. Lol!!!

          • The pentagram is only “branded” in your head. Do not denigrate the symbol of the elements in Wicca. Is the cross no longer acceptable as a Christian symbol because Satanists invert it, or KKK burn it?

          • Respectfully, the pentagram is a symbol associated with witchcraft. It’s been a trope in Hollywood films and television for quite some time. The “brand” exists far beyond my humble cranium.

      • No, it’s a pentagram, a five-pointed star, not a pentagon, which is a five sided figure, a geometric figure. The term pentagram is the same in Wicca or in wannabe black magic circles, but the black types typically invert it (point down)

  8. oh my!
    I remember that Jed Clampett episode! I knew Trump-in-Tux looked familiar and THAT IS IT! He looks like he’s wearing Jed Clampett’s tux! Right down to the big belly. LOL. Thx.

    • Jed’s tux fit him better and he actually looked elegant, as I recall. Trump neither looks elegant nor distinguished. He looks like a fat boor who is overdressed. Which is what he is.

      And I’m going to say this, and I don’t care how catty it sounds. Melania going to meet the Queen with her five inch stilettos and bare legs, and wearing her hat indoors, is not the way it’s done. One would think that she could get a book on etiquette, or her freaking press secretary could?

      There’s an etiquette to everything in life. You show up at a job interview dressed a certain way, because it shows you are a professional and you know what a professional looks like. You show up at a wedding dressed one way, a funeral another. These are ritualized gatherings with a certain dress code and you give them respect.

      On a practical level, and this was pointed out by somebody who is an expert on this topic, the other women there met on the grass wearing low heels, because a spike heel could lose it’s rubber tip on grass, and then one would be scratching the floors when one walked inside. And these are marble floors. So, there is a practical reason for some of this etiquette.

      My point is, this is why I can’t stand the Trumps. No consideration, no effort to see how things are done and act accordingly like civilized beings — this is what is totally boorish about them. They just don’t get it.

      • I wonder if either one of them have ever heard of Emily Post, or of Miss Martin. (My mother had Emily; I have, somewhere, a copy of Miss Martin’s Guide, which is much funnier than Emily’s book.) And even some dictionaries have guides on how to address people correctly, in writing or in person.

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