Hey (insert athlete’s name), Shoulda had your Wheaties (old Wheaties jingle)
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth likes showing off what a “Macho Macho Man” he is. We’ve seen him exercising, often sans shirt to show off. I’m now wondering how real those videos are after seeing Petey’s bench press fail while down at Guantanamo Bay as he tried to impress the troops. Video evokes thoughts of the Seinfeld Show’s famous Festivus “Feat of Strength’ in which someone fails to pull off their stunt.
I’m a senior citizen now and it’s been literally decades since I was in a weight room or even garage pumping iron. I know damn well that after years of disability limiting my mobility bench pressing even just 135 pounds only ten times might be beyond me. However I don’t go strutting around exclaiming what a studmuffin I am or cosplay ultimate ‘warrior.’ Kegsbreath…er, Hegseth however does so constantly so in my book he’s fair game when video like the one taken at Gitmo turns up on the internet. See for yourself:
The entire video is over six minutes and I watched it all – in the latter part it returns to Petey Boy on the weight bench which I’ll talk more about in a minute. I also want to, against all instincts point out what’s noted in this article from Morning Honey. Hegesth has defenders who say the part being emphasized needs more context. While most comments on Xitter mocked Hegseth and/or criticized both him and Trump a few spoke out saying more or less ‘lighten up.’ (pun intended) One tweeted “I can’t believe I’m about to defend Pete Hegseth. He is a loser, a lecher and a leg day skipper but that’s his 44th rep. Yes, most of the preceding 43 were half-reps. But it’s not like the guy can’t bench 135 at all.”
That’s measured and certainly fair but take note of the part where the commenter notes that most of the preceding 43 reps were “HALF REPS.” Half reps. Which don’t take nearly as much strength and endurance as full ones. Trying to count half reps as full ones is something the troops on hand would call cheating! I think back to my days on active duty in the Corps. A few years back the semi-annual physical fitness test was returned to a more old school type test which I sure wish had been in effect four decades ago. Back in the 80s we simply did as many situps as we could in two minutes (once you hit eighty you’d maxed your score and could stop – I found that easy and took little more than a minute), pullups (it took 20 to get a max score) which was tough for me because my arms are several inches too long for my body, and a three mile run which I easily maxed (eighteen minutes or less got you the full score for that one) Back then I’d have crushed the new version.
My point is that those running the tests were sticklers for proper form. Each situp and pullup had to be fully and properly completed or they’d discard it. Believe me when I say plenty of folks tried to get away with incomplete reps, especially on the pullup bar and got told ‘that one doesn’t count.’ So doing a bunch of half reps wouldn’t impress a bunch of grunts be they Soldiers or Marines. And the clear struggling and awful form as he tired would have really gotten their attention.
Like I said it’s been decades since I laid back on a weight bench to to bench presses but even in my dotage I remember how important it is to keep your lower legs at a right angle to your thighs and the soles of both feet firmly planted on the ground. If you don’t you lose a lot of much needed leverage and if you’re that freaking worn out without a spotter RIGHT THERE in danger of the bar dropping hard on your chest. Or worse (and more dangerously) on your throat! Yet even as Hegseth lost form his spotter was several feet back. I’d be worried if I were him because Petey Boy knows damn well how close he came to disaster and was damned lucky his spotter finally, at the last possible moment stepped in and mitigated his humiliation. And likely save him from possibly serious injury. Now that I think about it no one else nearby took it upon themselves to step in and ‘spot’ from the side(s) of the bar.
Again, even for a fit person that pumps iron regularly 135 lbs might not sound like that much to bench press but anyone who’s been in a weight room knows doing it forty times or more is no small task. IF one does full reps which Hegseth didn’t. I’m sure he planned on knocking out 50 reps by doing only half reps and bragging about it later. It’s not like if there hadn’t been video any troops present wouldn’t have called bullshit on him. I was also struck by Hegseth’s legs, which many on social media suggested indicates he skips ‘leg days’ in his workout routine. Also there was his pale skin tone which markedly contrasts with his appearance in press briefings. Or Patton cosplay lectures to generals.
Oddly enough, IF Trump sees video of Hegseth he might decide Petey Boy isn’t straight from Central Casting after all. I think one thing indicates a bit of comfort. Clearly Hegseth isn’t amped up on steroids! Hence my wiseassed crack at the beginning of this. Like any aspiring athlete of my generation a bowl of Wheaties was a standard part of breakfast. How big (or how many bowls) varied depending on what else I had. Top athletes got featured on the front of the Wheaties box. MVPS, Olympic Gold Medalists and so on. Making the cover of the Wheaties box was a big freaking deal.
So much so they ran a series of commercials of top athletes (who unlike Trump were ok with poking fun at themselves) having a bad moment or day. And the song’s lyrics would name the great athlete effing up with the singer saying (using HOF catcher Johnny Bench for example” singing “Hey Johnny, you shoulda had your Wheaties; Hey Johnny, you shoulda had your Wheaties today.” I’m also reminded (being a lifelong Cubs fan) of the legendary broadcaster Harry Carey saying after a long fly ball would be caught on the warning track “Should have had one more biscuit for breakfast.”
In Hegseth’s case it’s easy enough to shift the narrative to ‘Should have had his steroids!’
Friends, I know everyone begs you for money. I promise, among all those asking for spare change, we are the smallest and the hardest working. We’re a group of old, disabled people, except for one writer in his mid-50s. The rest of us are in our sixties and seventies, and this is a labor of love. All we’re asking for is the chance to keep telling the truth about Trump and help ensure democracy survives. If you can help, please do. Thank you. Ursula
