A well-known South Australian distillery held an annual competition for the best recipe incorporating their famous spirit. I don’t recall which spirit it was: rum or whiskey (my research turned up both spirits in equal amounts), so to be absolutely sure of being wrong (because I cannot be sure of being right), I’m using rum as the spirit of choice – it works better in the recipe anyway.
My research also exposed everyone’s favourite pastime of embellishing a good story. No two recipes were exactly the same, yet every one of them was undoubtedly the famous fruit cake. In keeping with this time-honoured tradition, I have added embellishments of my own.
For the first and only time, the competition added an Honorary Mention category specifically for this recipe. Though it did not win the competition, the recipe did go on to find more fame in Australia than any of the winners ever did! You’ll find this memorable Australian recipe just beyond the festive sprig of holly.
Christmas Cake Recipe
Ingredients
- 1 cup of water
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 2 cups plain flour
- 1 cup of sugar
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup of brown sugar
- juice of half a lemon
- 4 large eggs
- 2 cups chopped mixed nuts
- 2 cups of dried fruit
- 1 bottle Very Special Rum
Instructions
OPEN bottle of rum
POUR rum into a glass and sample to check quality.
SOAK dried fruit in rum
DRAIN the fruit and put the marinated rum to one side
SAMPLE the rum to make sure it fully soaked up the flavours of the dried fruit
TAKE a large bowl, check the rum again as it must be of the highest quality.
REPEAT
IN electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
ADD teaspoon of sugar and beat it. Beat it! Beat it!
CHECK that the rum quality has not been compromised by exposure to warm air.
TURN OFF mixerererer.
TRY rum with ice cubes… you’ve always wanted to…I mean, what’s with all this room temperature stuff – or is that brandy?
REMOVE ice cubes, lick off the rum, discard ice cubes and drink rum.
BREAK 2 leggs, add to bowl and chuck in marrinarriated fruit.
POUR rum into lots of glasses and check each one for consississ… consisttt…consissy… it’s still rum.
MIX on turner
IF the fried druid gets stuck in the beaterers, pry looose with a drewscriver.
SAMPLE rummm for toxsis… sisisiticity.
SIFT two cups of salt. Or something. Hahaha!
FOLD over free (2) bablespoon soda and one seaspoon blown sugr and slosh in rum.
SET goldfish aside in brandy glass.
SIFT lemon douche, squeeze half a flour and strain your nuts.
DRINK big blass of rumdy and pour moar into cake.
GREASE oven and turn cake tin 360 defreeze.
DUN forget to beat off turnererer.
THROW sowl in bink.
FINNISH gottle and bo to ged.
I LOVE this recipe! Almost like making rum balls! YUMMY!!! Here’s to RUM!
Why do I get flashes of Lucy Ricardo selling “Vitameatavegamin” while reading the recipe?