Somehow I never associate Rudy Giuliani with coffee. After all, I wouldn’t want to spoil my favorite beverage with that thought. But here we are, with Giuliani selling coffee and trying to keep one step ahead of bankruptcy and prison. Now I don’t know what coffee prices are like in the U.S. since I escaped before Trump was elected, but I do know I can buy a pound of coffee here, in Central America, for only $3.50 or thereabouts and it will be delicious.

Ol’ Rudy wants to sell his coffee for the low, low price of $29.99 for two pounds. Given the fact that this is being hyped by Giuliani, considering some of his embarrassing shenanigans, I would guess this coffee tastes like crap.

Because I know how Giuliani is.

“Rudy Coffee,” which, according to Queerty is scheduled to be shipped beginning in June and offers three types of coffee beans also features a trio of images of Giuliani on the respective packages, with slogans like “fighting for justice.”

Sure, sure. More like “fighting to not spend time in prison” or “fighting not to lose my a$$.” I mean, that would be more appropriate, don’t you think?

On his website, Giuliani says, “I’ve moved at a fast pace, and have had many different roles in life, (including, you know, a small part in Borat 2), but the one constant thing has been a good cup of coffee, which is now proven to have health benefits. Please enjoy my delicious fresh-roasted specialty coffee. It’s quality you can trust.”

To further support his new venture, he posted a video of himself hawking his coffee.

I think that has to be the smarmiest ad I’ve ever heard. Folks on X roasted Giuliani, of course. Including George Conway, who’s zinger must have been painful.

Giuliani is currently in cavernous debt — to the tune of roughly $148 million stemming from a defamation suit that he lost, one that was brought against him by Georgia election workers. He filed for bankruptcy in December and he’s trying to sell his home in Manhattan. Like his partner in (alleged) crime, Donald Trump, he has a residence in Florida. He is, after all, one of several including Trump facing charges in Georgia and Arizona based on alleged election interference.

Rudy also found himself being suspended by WABC Radio, where he hosted a show daily. WABC purported that Giuliani continued to push debunked conspiracy theories about the 2020 election being stolen.

And like every huckster, he’s got a brown-nosing spokesperson. It’s extremely difficult to believe anyone would brown-nose this guy but here we are.

That spokesperson said, in a statement:

“Mayor Rudy giuliani—the man who took down the mafia, locked up wall street’s biggest criminals, cleaned up new york city and comforted the nation following september 11th—is regularly asked to partner with products and services as a trusted and respected public figure.”

“he doesn’t get behind anything he doesn’t believe in, and as an avid consumer of coffee (due to his demanding work schedule) he’s 100 percent behind this product and brand and as they say, ‘Don’t knock it until you try it.'”

What is that spokesperson smoking? I think it would be fun to be Sacha Baron Cohen trip him up again. I bet he could.

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6 COMMENTS

  2. “…three types of coffee beans…” and then “…100% Arabica…”
    Now.I’m not a mathemagician but that’s ONE type of bean – so how is it suddenlly THREE types?

    “…Freshly roasted…” Well maybe it was, but by the time it gets to you it won’t be that fresh (unless the DeJoyed postal service has become less creaky)

    Unfortunately, not living in Central America, I do have to pay more for my 100% Arabica (about $20) but that’s per kilogram (about 2.2 lb) and I roast it myself (so that’s REALLY fresh roasted). But then, Rude Julie-Anne is selling a really special blend called ‘covfefe’

    Methinks that a certain lawyer speaketh with forked tongue

    10

    • He always does. He’s all hype and not really much else. I used to live in the San Francisco Bay Area and the Pacific Northwest. Those folks know coffee. I really doubt Giuliani’s coffee is particularly good at all. And the coffee we have here is lovely. I live in Costa Rica and it’s one of the major crops here, although a fungus driven by climate change is wreaking havoc, unfortunately.

      10

    • Many, maybe even most, people consider the different roasting processes to be different beans. Yes, that is not correct but people are not generally coffee aficionados-they drink their couple of cups of Folgers and call it a morning. So, technically (and correctly) you have a point but it is above the heads of most of the population. BTW I am saying this about Americans-other people from other countries might be considerably more knowledgeable.

      That freshly roasted thing-yeah, that’s a bunch of bull-hockey. If I really want freshly roasted coffee, I go to City Brew right before/right after they roast some of their beans then I pretend it makes a hill of beans of difference (I put enough flavored creamer in my coffee so that it tastes completely unlike coffee). I suspect I might like coffee without creamer if I had access to what you have Megan-I’d sure like to try it some day and find out. That and see some sloths in the wild: sloths have their heads screwed on right and just take their time to enjoy life it seems….or maybe they’re just slow. 😉

      6

      • Sloths are adorable. We get them in our yard from time to time. When we ran a lodge in Puerto Viejo, they would climb across the ceiling beams in our bedroom at night. I would watch them when I was lying in bed.

        1

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