Pop Quiz! What did the speaking cancellation of 75% of the Texas GOP delegation mean to the NRA convention? 5 fewer far right assholes screaming The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!
It was kind of hard to get any actual coverage from the NRA convention in Houston this year, other than outside shots of anti NRA protests, mainly because cable news has more reporters and hosts in Uvalde, Texas than they have in Ukraine. Because the perfect way to help grieving families is to stick cameras and microphones in their faces. I keep waiting for them to slip up, and Anderson Cooper is interviewing Katy Tur, or Alicia Menendez is getting sound bites from Erin Burnett.
But I’m glad that they at least gave it passing coverage, because the speeches were passionate, compelling, and deeply insightful. For instance, in his rambling demonic sermon, Cancun Teddy Cruz gripped the lectern and yelled, We must all stand tall together and marshall ourselves against the dark forces with pure evil in their hearts! I turned to Teri and said Does this mean we’re all going to war against Ted Cruz and Pepe LaPierre?
Actually I’m being sarcastic. In fact, from what I could see, there were only two main talking points to the vast majority of the speeches. They were, of course, The only thing that stops a bad buy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!, and the NRA’s unwavering devotion to better mental health programs to prevent mentally ill people from committing mass atrocities. In other words, the same lame bullshit they’ve been spouting for more than 20 years now. And these inbred nihilists were lapping it up like a kitten with a pint of cream, hanging on every word.
The problem is that their only two talking points are unutterable bullshit. There was a fully trained, highly qualified retired Buffalo cop in the Top’s Supermarket. And he engaged the shooter, firing twice. But he ended up dead because the maniac was wearing body armor. And there were 19 fully trained Texas police officers outside the door of the Uvalde classroom, the hall looked like a Dunkin Donuts 20 minutes after shift change, and it took them an hour to stop a lone gunman who massacred 19 children and 2 teachers. What was that about Good guys with guns?
Now for the mental health issue. The NRA swears fealty to improved and enhanced mental health diagnosis and treatment programs to get miswired morons from getting weapons of mass destruction and using them. I have a question for Pepe LaPierre. If that’s the case, then why was the very first bill signed into law by Traitor Tot in 2017 a bill that loosened federal restrictions drooling retards being able to obtain high powered assault weapons? Where were you clowns? Why weren’t you out in the streets, screaming and yelling, and waving your AR-15’s over your heads like a documentary on the life of Che Guevara, demanding congress repeal that idiotic law?
But it was the reaction of the crowd to this stale old bullshit, spouted by the same old faces that snagged me. It was almost like they were at a religious revival, chanting and clapping. It was like watching the audience at a midnight run of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. And two things immediately came to mind.
The first was this. Every once in a blue moon, before his housekeeper indulges in a little senior abuse, has-been Wayne Newton leaves the house to do a Strip concert to relieve the monotony of being Wayne Newton. And it’s an experience not to be missed, unless you have a pulse. The audience mostly consists of blue rinse seniors, clad in their best 80’s finery, shaking what’s left of their booties to a guy who hasn’t released an album in 30 years, and whose best starring movie role was as Julian Grendle in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.
But it reminded me even more of this. It reminded me of every large family holiday gathering you ever attended as a kid. After dinner, while the women were seeing to the leftovers and dishes, every kid in the room congregated on the floor in the living room, at the feet of their grandfather in his easy chair. And with a twinkle in his eye, he related the tale of the time when he was 6 years old, when he actually heard the tinkle of sleigh bells and the thump of reindeer hooves on the roof. He was too scared to sneak downstairs for a look, but the next morning he crept up to the attic, looked out the window, and there was reindeer shit on the roof!
And there my friends, you have the annual NRA convention. It is literally a tribal cultural gathering, attended by pathetic losers who can’t get anybody else to talk to them the rest of the year. And that’s why, no matter what tragedies may befall the country, even a horrific school shooting, the NRA will never cancel a convention, even if it’s held in the same town. Because the faithful need their fix. They need to gather at the altar of The Second Amendment to celebrate. It’s the only fun they get all year.
