Trumpty Dumpty is not happy. You wouldn’t be either if you were teetering on a wall, fall one way the Justice Department catches you in a net and then takes you off to prison, fall the other way you end up yolk on the sidewalk — and then the Justice Department scrapes up what’s left and takes it off to prison, so how can you win?

Trumpty misses Fox News. Oh, how he misses Fox News. He misses Fox almost as much as he misses Twitter and he misses Twitter so much that it’s virtually a phantom limb. He can feel his thumbs connecting with 88 million sets of MAGA eyeballs, at the speed of light, no less, and it drives him simply mad that he has to put up with Truth Social, which is like drinking Jim Beam after you’ve had a steady diet of Glenfiddich. Not the same buzz at all.

Trumpty is having some severe withdrawal symptoms. Yes, he can get on some right-wing podcast, who can’t, but OAN is down the tubes and Newsmax actually let somebody blaspheme on the air the other day and call him a “coward” and a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” Can you imagine such heresy? So that did it. Trumpty decided he’s getting Fox News back and that’s that.

Trumpty has to get Fox News back. He’s heard all those vicious rumors about Ron DeSantis replacing him, with Fox’s help. Replacing HIM!! Can you imagine?! DeSantis was NOTHING before Trumpty made him!! Neither was Fox News!! And now they’re having a love affair and leaving Trumpty out? WHUT!? Who is responsible for this?! Ah ha. Trumpty knows who.

Trumpty never liked Paul Ryan. Never for a minute. All that talk about “becoming presidential.” But what can you expect from a loser? What did he know about becoming presidential? He never did it and Trumpty did, so there.

Trumpty will get Fox News back, just you watch. He’s going to make them jealous with CNN. They were plenty jealous of CNN back in the day and Trumpty can make that happen again. Sure he can.

After all, 2024 is right around the corner. First the stupid midterms, and the RINOs will blame everything on him, losers, but then the next stop will be 2024. And he’ll need a platform. So he’ll play CNN off against Fox News and Murdoch will come around. He has to.

Trumpty checked with his numerologist. If you add 2 plus zero, plus 2 plus 4 you get 8. And eight is the symbol of wealth in numerology. Yeah. Trumpty will get back in power, this time for good, and he will buy Greenland, and he’ll nuke Iceland if they say anything about it, and Vlad will love it when he leaves NATO, and Marine One will be on constant alert to make a run for Chinese, just in case Xi decides to drop by. Oh, and Kim Jong Un. Those classified documents were just a tidbit compared to what he and Kim are going to do next.

Just you watch. But first he needs to get back Fox News. Then it can be like old times. Better.

 

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4 COMMENTS

  1. I can NOT fathom how ANY conservative man can read ANY his his inane ‘truths’ or see him with orange caked makeup, listen to that constant bellyaching and/or bragging about the most pathetic crap & see him as anything but the LEAST manly person they’ve EVER encountered. I get that they actually probably identify with the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and the constant playing of the victim card to avoid taking personal responsibility, but these are supposedly upper middle class white men. Doesn’t recognition of oneself usually manifest as extreme loathing?

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