This should be quick, but it was just too freakin’ funny and delicious not to share with you to get your Thanksgiving weekend off to a cheerful and comical start. Ready? OK, here we go.
Earlier this week, apparently fueled by good vibes from the way the Trump organization tax fraud trial was going, The New York Times reported through various unnamed sources that Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg was considering reopening the office’s investigation into Trump’s 2016 $140,000 illicit payoff to porn star Stormy Daniels. Hey, better late than never to the party, Glory Hound, I hope you brought an extra 12 pack.
But there was something in that announcement that gnawed at me. I may be doddering, but I’m not senile. My rudimentary legal knowledge told me that like many states, New York has a 5 year statute of limitations for crimes committed in the state. The payoff took place in the fall of 2016, which led to Michael Cohen’s dramatic House testimony in 2019, as well as his guilty plea and incarceration. But a little quick calendar math shows that the statute of limitations in New York would have expired in the fall of 2021. And this is now November of 2022. How could Bragg possibly revive the prosecution? I couldn’t figure it out.
Here’s how. Because Trump is the legal Roslyn Village Idiot. Let’s be honest, 2020 wasn’t a good year for Traitor Tot. Not only did his loser ass join Jimmy Carter and George HW Bush as the only 2 modern Presidents turfed out without a 2nd term, but everybody else was out for him as well. Hell, in New York alone you had New York Attorney General Letitia James investigating him and his mom-and-pop-bodega on civil fraud and tax charges, but then Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr. was investigating Trump not on the Stormy Daniels payoff scheme, but also Trump and his loser organization for tax fraud. What, oh what is a recently deposed despot supposed to do?
In this case the answer was simple. Or at least His Lowness thought it was easy. He officially filed the paperwork to change his official, full time address from his gilded 5th Avenue birdcage to his Mar-A-Lago address in Florida.Take that suckas! Good luck now in serving your lousy subpoenas! How’d dat feel, huh?
Like I said, the Manhattan Village Idiot. To James and Vance, what it felt like was popcorn for the soul. Because according to what MSNBC reported tonight, Trump’s arrogant stupidity gave them all the time they needed to pretty much do whatever they wanted.
Here’s the McGuffin. From what I understand, the New York statute of limitations applies to New York residents. When Trump changed his official residence, he didn’t cancel out the statute of limitations, all he did was to put it on pause! And that’s why Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg can now resuscitate a charge that should sleep with the fishes, and give it new life! Because Trumpenstein bailed on his New York address before the statute of limitations expired. And now the New York authorities literally own his dumb ass.
I know, I know, I didn’t put it in the title, and I’m sorry. But as I finished this, I couldn’t resist a title selfish pre Thanksgiving victory lap. And so, for being a total legal ignoramus, even when you allegedly have qualified legal representation, Donald John Trump, Stand up and take a bow, FOOL!