The Missing Marker In MAGA DNA

I couldn’t help it, I freaked when I saw this yesterday. There’s Pigboy Pete Hegsweth striding down a hallway in the Capitol building, full of doors to Senators offices. He had a purposeful look in his eyes, a fixed pained smile on his face, and will wonders never cease? He appeared to be walking in a straight line.

He had an armed escort of Capitol police, his lawyer and Trump sherpa on one side, and on the other side was a leggy blonde I can only guess is either Mrs. Hegseth #3, or the future Mrs. Hegseth #4 desperately holding his hand while she was out on a self humiliation spin.

They were of course surrounded by a mob of reporters, and it was a piranha Golden Corral buffet. Questions like Sir, have you had anything to drink today? Sir! Do you have any comments on the allegations that you were repeatedly smashed on the set at FUX News? Sir! How long have you been an out of conttrol alcoholic? I kept waiting for a reporter to shout out something like, Mrs. Hegseth! Were you aware that your husband was a drunken womanizer when you married him?

And here’s the part that actually freaked me out. The realization that They’re all the f*cking same! That fixed, stony, constipated grin with the I’ll show you *ssholes grin was exactly the same cocky I-got-the-world-by-the-nuts sneer that Bratty Matty Gaetz had on his ugly puss in the same location less than two weeks earlier. And the same look that Pam Bondi will have on her vapid face two weeks from now, and and the same look RFK Jr. will have on his brainless face in a month. And that’s when I discovered the missing Double-Helix in the MAGA DNA.

Look, I did some stupid sh*t when I was a kid, and so did every one of you. And some of it was personally embarrassing. And when you did, you walked to school by yourself, eyes down, looking at your shoes. If you saw kids talking, you walked faster, sure they were laughing at you. And you walked straight home, and stayed inside for two weeks until somebody else did something stupid and embarrassing, and your sins were forgotten. It’s called self esteem, and self respect, and nothing blows holes in it quite like having to be ashamed of your behavior.

But not these brainless pendejos. They don’t need things like self respect and self esteem, for the simple reason that they don’t have a sense of shame! The end is worth any means to get it, and the end for these jerk-offs is fame and notoriety. And as long as they have that, nothing else matters.

Rudy Giuliani must have known that he looked like a brain addled clown with Clairol black dye streaming down his cheeks at Four Seasons Landscaping, but as long as the cameras were on him, that’s all that mattered. Because in his mind, it meant that he mattered. Forget that it was for comic relief. And Sidney Powell sure sounded like one of the Hillbilly Imbecile’s demented cat ladies when she was ranting about Unleashing the Kraken. Funny how she discovered sanity and legal religion when her law license was on the line.

I’ll be honest. I felt sorry for Mrs. Hegseth when I saw her being paraded down that hallway like a convict taking the last walk down The Green Mile, just like I felt sorry for Bratty Matty Gaetz’s then fiance when he trotted her out to swear she didn’t believe a word of it, no matter how many text messages and credit card receipts they introduced. Your own personal humiliation is bad enough, but at least you earned that. Being cynically humiliated by a loved one is the deepest betrayal there is.

But here’s the bad news. Get used to the Senate confirmation version of The Jerry Springer Show. Because Tulsi Gabbard is already in prison orange, and awaiting her stroll down The Mile, and RFK Jr. is going to be like the halfwit condemned man whose public defender couldn’t quite pull off an insanity defense. And Dr. Oz is going to be like a real life medical episode of Night Court.

And for every nimrod that falls by the wayside, there will be another equally moronic choice as a replacement. Because that’s Traitor Tot’s goal. He wants his cabinet to be stuffed with such incompetent morons that his own imbecility will come across as presidential leadership! Let them bring us to the brink of disaster, before stepping and overruling them, taking the credit for saving the day. And he’ll get at least a muted version of what he wants, simply because even the moderate GOP Senators can’t axe everybody. It’s going to be a long four years.

I thank you for the privilege of your time.

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