Temper Your Enthusiasm. Don’t Expect Too Much From Rudy Giuliani

Ever since the news broke that Trump’s long time personal lawyer, and court jester Rudy Giuliani had voluntarily come in to speak to Jack Smith’s agents under what was referred to in the New York Times as a proffer agreement, many optimists are dancing around like The Ghoul Man’s ass is going to lay the golden eggs that keeps Traitor Tot in an orange jumpsuit until the Resurrection.

That may well be, but for the time being, I’m going to keep my enthusiasm in the reefer. Simply because when you look at the simple legal conditions, Smith calling Giuliani to the stand is almost as fraught as Alvin Bragg calling Michael Cohen to the stand in Trump’s Stormy Daniels trial.

Here’s why. It’s hard for Bragg to call Cohen to the stand simply because Cohen is a convicted liar. For every fact that Bragg wants Cohen to tell the jury, he’ll have to have another witness to provide corroborating evidence to what Cohen says. Because nobody will believe him otherwise. And even then, Trump’s lawyers are going to do everything they can to paint Cohen as an inveterate liar whose word can’t be trusted.

It’s a little bit different with Giuliani, but not much. For the simple reason that Giuliani is f*cking nuts! Call it dotage, call it Alzheimer’s, call it what you will, but Giuliani is as crazy as a sh*thouse rat. And if Smith calls Giuliani to the stand, Trump’s lawyers are going to be licking their chops like a dog with T-bone in its bowl.

For starters, beginning he day after Biden was declared the winner, it was Giuliani who was front and center with the other sh*thouse rat, Sidney Powell who trotted out every Outer Limits explanation for why His Lowness had not actually lost the election. Really? Hugo Chavez rigged the election through Dominion Voting Systems some seven years after he was buried? And let’s not forget the unforgettable image of Giuliani frantically wiping Lady Clairol auburn hair dye as it dripped down his face from the hot lights.

We’re just getting started. After all, it was The Ghoul Man whom El Pendejo President dispatched to Ukraine to dig up the dirt on Hunter Biden’s felonious dealings from his Burisma employment that would slop all over the new President. Giuliani literally spent months sniffing around Ukraine, and came home with reams of blockbuster evidence that turned out under examination in the real workd to be nothing more or less than blockbuster bullsh*t.

But it gets worse. Because eventually Giuliani appeared before the January 6th committee. He spent nine hours answering questions behind closed doors, and let’s just say that the results were less than enlightening. When pressed with real world evidence, Giuliani repeatedly slipped back behind the mantra that the election had been stolen, and he was doing everything he could to uncover the evidence of the rampant voter fraud.

Now granted, there are some valuable things for Smith that Giuliani can testify to. For instance, there are many personal conversations with Trump following the results of the 2020 election, especially since The Mango Messiah has the nasty habit of talking to his lawyers with other people in the room that waive the attorney-client privilege. 

Which begs the question, Who will believe him? Rudy Giuliani is the real life mating of Chicken Little, and The Boy Who Called Wolf. Especially when the defense plays the testimony of former Arizona GOP House Speaker Rusty Bowers. When Bowers testified to the J6 committee, he stated that Giuliani laid out the case for him. When Bowers asked him what his proof was, Giuliani replied, That’s the problem. We have all these great theories, but we have no proof.

Giuliani is a pathetic joke. Whatever he testifies to, the defense will just tar him as a delusional dotard without the ability to separate fact from fiction. Especially if Giuliani has a plea agreement. The defense will tar Giuliani as a disgraced, disbarred loser willing to say whatever he has to to keep his scrawny old ass out of an orange jumpsuit, even at the expense of Trump’s fat ass.

Here’s my problem with Giuliani testifying. Since Giuliani is no more believable of a figure in court than Cohen, there is nothing that he can testify to that won’t require a corroborating witness to verify the information so that the jury will believe it. My question is, if you already have that corroborating witness, then what the hell do you need Giuliani for? If the witness is credible, then the defense can’t break him down to the point where a useless figure like Giuliani is required to rehabilitate him. Rudy seems superflous.

Hey, I can be wrong. And my wife will be the first one to tell you every way I’m wrong. But no matter how hard I look, I can’t see any way in which Giuliani strengthens Jack Smith’s case. My guess is that Smith gave Giuliani have his Queen for a day proffer just to determine if Giuliani has a diamond in the rough he can use. If he doesn’t, then Smith declines declines to deal, and can’t use anything Giuliani said against him in a prosecution. Like Smith needs anything Giuliani says to convict him. Giuliani has already done that himself.