So, Toby Keith Has Died. Funny, I Thought Kris Kristofferson Murdered Him At Willie’s Birthday Party

Ya’ll remember Toby Keith, right?

Well, it’s quite understandable if you don’t.

Keith was a talented Country music singer with a jaundiced world view who sang mostly about drinking beer from red Dixie Cups, wanting to be a cowboy but forgetting to learn how to rope and ride, and bombing the hell out of people who were not responsible for 9/11.

Keith wrote his opus to jingoism, Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) in 2001 shortly after the attack on the Twin Towers, but it so happened that it wasn’t released until May of 2002, the same month W. invaded Iraq, which, of course had nothing to do with the attack.

The song was a smash in the rotting red heart of America where self-identified patriots diddled themselves to the chorus:

“Hey Uncle Sam, put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shakin’ her fist
And the eagle will fly man, it’s gonna be hell
When you hear mother freedom start ringin’ her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you courtesy of the red white and blue.”

Personally, I liked Bill Maher’s cover of it much better:

Heh.

Anyway, fast forward one year to Willie Nelson’s Seventieth Birthday which Keith attended with many other luminaries of the music world including Ray Charles and… Kris Kristofferson. As Keith passed by the man who wrote legitimate contributions to our culture like Me and Bobby McGee, Help Me make It Through The Night, and Sunday Morning Comin’ Down he had the termidity to mumble to Kris, who had given up his U.S. Army commission and an offer to teach at West Point rather than serve the war machine… “None of that lefty shit out there tonight, Kris.”

Papa John Misty posted about the incident, which I was aware of, but hadn’t thought about in years tonight on Twitter.

I guess this is as good a day as any to remember the time Kris Kristofferson absolutely bodied Toby Keith pic.twitter.com/cwyRVWCHf5

— Papa John Misty (@fcutter) February 6, 2024

Kristofferson later graciously told Rolling Stone Magazine that he could not remember the incident, hell, he could barely remember what he had for breakfast…

But The Nashville Scene says that Kris’s wife remembered the confrontation.

“The Rolling Stone story brought a denial from Keith last week. And Kristofferson himself has retreated from the situation. “Actually, I like Toby Keith, but I don’t agree with his politics,” said Kristofferson, who will perform tonight in Minneapolis. “There are a lot things in artistry that transcend politics.” He says he doesn’t even remember the exchange with Keith, but his wife does. “That’s something that happened six years ago,” he said, “and I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast.”

So Kristofferson says he doesn’t remember the incident, but his wife does? D’oh! Sorry Toby. Kris, being the gentleman that he is, tried to give you cover, but after a long, tiring day on the road, I guess the cat slipped out of the bag. (And his comment on your politics would seem to suggest he’s had it with trying to defend you.) Don’t feel bad, though, Toby. We kinda knew the truth all along.”

Personally I prefer to believe Kris’s better half and Rolling Stone to the wanna be cowboy who drinks horse piss from plastic cups.

Please go straight to hell, Toby Keith.