I Just Realized Something. Rich Arrogant People Hire REALLY Stupid Lawyers

As I sit in my La-Z-Boy watching CNN and MSNBC so I can find interesting things to tell you, I have been OD’ing on the slow moving legal train wrecks of the Trump and FUX News cases. And the more I watched, especially as the prosecution in Trump’s case, and the Dominion plaintiff’s attorneys danced rings around the defense, it hit me. Rich arrogant sh*tpokes hire the dumbest legal help that money can buy!

I don’t know why I was surprised. After all, that’s been an open secret in Hollywood for a half a century now. The Hollywood Elite all feel special and privileged, so they only take advice from other Hollywood Elite. And none of them know their *sses from a hole in the ground. Especially about legal troubles.

Let’s have a little fun. Several years ago actor and all purpose douche nozzle Tom Selleck got sued by the town where his home is registered for sending his private water truck to steal town water from the town pump to water his pistachios during the drought. The town wanted their money back. Let’s just say that Selleck got a call from his agent’s brother-in-law, who recommended him to the lawyer that got him off of a DUI charge with probation. The guy graduated 487-500 from Triple Rock College, and passed the bar on the 5th try. This ambulance chaser negotiates a settlement with the town where Selleck only has to pay 80% of the money he owes. Selleck tells everybody he knows, and now this clown is an A-List Hollywood criminal defense attorney. If you think I’m kidding, just look up the exalted career of one Robert Kardashian.

Let’s start with Trump. He starts with a deficit, not just mental, but reputational for refusing to pay his legal bills if his lawyers can’t save him by pulling a rabbit out of their hats. Which means that Trump has lawyers that normally would be handing out business cards at wakes, and hanging around outside of bail bond joints.

Look, it’s one thing to lose. That’s pretty much baked into the cake for criminal defense attorneys, since law enforcement is normally thorough enough to already know that the person they just arrested is guilty. But it’s another thing entirely to lose stupidly, by repeatedly shooting yourself in the foot. And that’s exactly what His Lowness’s lawyers have done, repeatedly.

Just look at the post 2020 Big Steal debacle. Trump’s attorneys went 1-62 on judicial rulings, and the one that they did win was a purely procedural issue that had nothing to do with the actual case on hand. But the cost? Rudy Giuliani has already lost one law license, and is awaiting judgement on his other ticket. Sidney Powell is sweating bullets about the future of her law license in front of the Texas state bar. And three more Trump lawyers who argued cases in state courts are awaiting their possible sanctions from the Colorado state bar.

Bad for the lawyers, but Traitor Tot doesn’t care. Worse for him is the fact that his lawyers 3rd rate shenanigans are pissing off the judiciary. Especially in the DC federal circuit, where both the district courts as well as the appellate court have Trump on a fast track to clear his bogus filings through the system like sh*t through a goose. And since delay is Trump’s only friend, this is self destructive.

But it’s even worse in his civil suits, if that was even possible because Trump’s lawyers keep pissing off the judge. Trump-‘s lawyers have been delaying the hell out of the E Jean Carroll defamation case, and now even the judge is fed up.

A couple of weeks ago the Trump pseudo attorneys went in front of the court and asked for a minimum one month delay in the start of the trial due to the media circus brought on by Trump’s arraignment making it impossible for him to get a fair jury. Carroll is 79 years old. It’s obvious that FrankenTrump is literally trying to wait out the actuarial table on Carroll. The judge reminded them that it was Trump who created the media circus, and prepare for trial.

So then they tried to play the ref. Trump has already made it clear that he has no intention of sitting in court day after day while the plaintiffs expose him for the predatory hound dog he is. Nor is the defendant required to be present, see Alex Jones as an example. But the Trump lawyers put forth a motion before the court asking the judge to instruct the jury that the reason The Cheeto Prophet wasn’t showing up was because he was, in fact a humanitarian. As a former President, his movements tend to screw up traffic, so he is staying away to avoid fouling up the midtown Manhattan traffic. Once he finished laughing, the judge told the Trump puppies to try getting real.

I can’t tell you how bad of lawyering this is. The Trump legal team is going to need that judge to come down on their side on at least some of their objections and motions, and now their judge doesn’t even believe they’re acting and arguing in good faith. That’s a recipe for disaster.

And now let’s move on to King Rupert. You expect Trump to have dumpster diver lawyers, since he doesn’t pay his legal bills, but you would expect that a cash cow like FUX News to be able to afford the Best of the Best. And instead current conditions show that they saddled themselves with The Worst of the Worst.

First of all, it was clear from the start that there was no way FUX News could afford to let the Dominion case go to trial. As such, it was up to the defense team to give the FUX board a realistic legal reading on the case, the company’s actual exposure at trial, how much it could cost, and work out a sensible settlement offer.

And instead the FUX legal team diddle-d*cked around so long that the unthinkable happened. The case proceeded to disco0very and depositions. No, No, NO! You’re already as guilty as original sin, why would you want to give the plaintiffs word one to hammer you over the head with. Not even at trial, but in future negotiation settlements?!

And the judge obviously had some serious professional concerns about the veracity of the FUX News legal team, because when discovery started, he issued an exquisitely detailed order on how FUX was expected to comply. Only inside financial statements, and proprietary strategy and plans were to be excluded. He put the FUX News team on a choker collar.

And still they tried to play hide-the-salami with their disclosures. They profligately abused their redactions to the point that when Dominion baked, the judge personally reviewed the documents, texts, and e-mails, and not only released large tranches to the plaintiffs, he made them public, humiliating FUX’s executives, prime time hosts and the lawyers. Don’t think for a minute that those lawyers playing fast and loose didn’t cost them BIGLY in the final settlement.

But here’s the McGuffin. Believe it or not, the FUX News-Dominion case isn’t over yet. Suer, the two sides may have reached an agreement, and the judge signed off on it, but it isn’t over yet, at least not for the FUX lawyers.

Because in that final hearing before trial, when the judge officially sanctioned the FUX News lawyers for their shenanigans, he did something that has so far passed largely under the radar. When he sanctioned the FUX lawyers, he also appointed a Special Master to look into the FUX teams dealings in the discovery process. While the FUX-Dominion civil case may be over, the Special Master’s investigation continues. And the Special Master will report directly to the judge, who will decide what if any additional sanctions are required. Up to and including referrals to the lawyers state bars for possible sanctions and even disbarment.

This is what I mean when I say exceptional stupid. The lowest clerk in corporate America works knowing that the Golden Rule is to Always pander to power! And yet these quibbled*cks for both Trump and Murdoch have done nothing but shower contempt and disdain on the one person they desperately need on their side. Folks, you can’t buy this kind of stupid. It’s a gift from God.