George Santos. Dead. Man. Walking. And How The Democrats Can Use It

I was lucky today. I was up early enough to watch some of the coverage highlights of the House floor debate regarding the possible expulsion of freshman GOP congressman and serial scumbag George Santos, currently scheduled to be voted on tomorrow. It was satisfyingly brutal.

I won’t say that I almost felt sorry for George Santos as GOP colleague after GOP colleague took to the podium in the well of the House to describe in intimate detail just what a despicable sh*t Santos is. Truth be told, I couldn’t feel sorry for George Santos if he was stripped naked, doused in honey, and dumped in the middle of a circle of ant hills. I’ll leave that image to your imagination, as I have a sadistic sense of humor.

Let’s be real here. It’s not like this should be any kind major surprise to Santos. While he sat there in a seat in the well of the House while Cave-In McCarthy went through his ceremonial 39 lashes, he sat in a row that was almost empty, as if it was roped off for fumigation. Just about the only GOP incumbent to give Santos the time of day was Machine Gun Marjie, trying to ensure his loyalty to McCarthy. Which always reminded me of the 1970’s Robert Redford/Paul Newman classic western, Bitch Cassidy and the Scumdance Kid.

But you can’t blame Santos, or whatever his real name is for feeling bulletproof. Machine Gun Marjie was his mentor, and she was golden to Trump. Also, McCarthy repaid his debt by resisting any attempts to bring a motion to the floor to expel Santos for being so slimy that slugs pour salt on him. Why wouldn’t he feel safe as houses?

And then the paradigm changed. Squeaker McCarthy committed the political heresy of dealing with Biden to get the debt ceiling and taking his nemesis Bratty Matty Gaetz’s candy from him. Gaetz immediately got his petty revenge, and instantly became a political laughingstock, weakening the Freedom Caucus in the process. But new Speaker MAGA Mike McCarthy actually admitted something that McCarthy religiously ignored. Mainly that it didn’t matter what the GOP House majority was, they couldn’t pass a bad check. santos immediately became as extraneous as a ham sandwich at a bar mitzvah.

By my whip count, Santos is toast. In the last effort to expel him from the floor, there were several Democrats, as well as multiple GOP members who refused to oust him due to a lack of due process. Democrat Jamie Raskin from Maryland summed it up perfectly when he said, I didn’t want to set a precedent where a member of congress could be ousted just on being indicted, with no conviction and no due process. The House Ethics Committee report provided that due process. I’ll be voting to expel George Santos tomorrow.

If my squeaky math is correct, with a 435 seat House, it would take 300 votes for the required 2/3 majority to expel. That will be a couple of votes lower, as there are a couple of vacancies at the moment. It appears that the Democrats are unified and prepared to fork over all 212 votes to bojo Santos. That means that the GOP moderates will have to provide a minimum of 88 votes to give Santos the brush. And let me remind you that in the past budget battles in the House, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries has required the GOP to provide a minimum of 1/2 of their caucus to support the bill before the Democrats sign on, this should be a foregone conclusion. In both of the budget fights, the GOP provided at least 120 votes. George Santos. Adios, futhermocker! You don’t get to come back tomorrow. You don’t get a consolation prize. You don’t even get a lousy copy of the home game! You’re a complete loser! (Thanks to Weird Al Yankovic for that riff from “I lost on Jeopardy)

But there’s something that hit me today while I was watching these hypocritical GOP toads keep dipping Santos’s fingers and toes into an aquarium filled with piranhas. These are the same craven hypocrites who were making impassioned speeches in favor of letting Santos hang around six months ago, when they still actually deluded themselves into thinking that his vote was worth a flying f*ck.

Thanks to the wonders of C-Span, all of these hypocritical comments will live on in video infamy. And Democratic challengers for these high profile swing districts outside of New York to run attack ads as how these turncoats were for Santos for nine long months before they finally decided that they were against him.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Everybody with 12 functioning brain cells predicted how hard it would be for even GOP moderates to pass anything with a slim five seat majority. But the insaniac MAGA Freedom Caucus had to lick its nuts with moronic committee hearings and promises of repealing Obamacare and ditching Social Security and Medicare. And in doing so, proved everybody else right. And now the stupid sh*ts can pay for their sins.

I thank you for the privilege of your time.