Boebert Hubby Arrested For Putting Thumb In Son’s Mouth, Jerry Springer Wasn’t This Trashy

Perhaps during one of his soirees at Mar-a-Lago Donald Trump turned to Lauren Boebert and said, “You know, I’m so tired of scandal. So many scandals, everybody looking at me, all the time, 24/7. I wish it would stop.” And maybe Bobo said, “Hold my beer.” Bobo dominated the news cycle for an entire week last September with her night out at the Buell Theatre, watching Beetlejuice. That is no small feat, in a news cycle which paid almost no attention to Melania Trump’s “Who gives a fuck about Creesmuss decorations,” because later that same night news broke that she and Donald were both diagnosed as having COVID-19.

Nevertheless, Bobo looks to be out Trumping Trump in the tabloid department. The latest is that Jayson Boebert “was taken into custody on two separate arrest warrants Tuesday — one for his reported restaurant fight with the Colorado congresswoman, and another for allegedly assaulting their eldest son, Tyler, during an argument at their house in Garfield County, the arrest affidavit says.” Westword:

Tyler, who turns nineteen on March 21, reported the incident to police at around 1:08 a.m. Tuesday, per the affidavit, which was obtained by Westword on Wednesday. The report states that “Jayson threw Tyler’s phone across the house” during an argument about laying Tyler’s baby son “down to sleep.” Jayson allegedly “pushed Tyler to the ground and pushed his thumb into his mouth,” the affidavit says. “Jayson had a gun, it was a rifle. Jayson was carrying the rifle.”

When cops arrived on the scene, Jayson was allegedly inside the home while Tyler was outside. “Jayson was getting into a gray F-350,” the affidavit says. “There was possibly a female in the truck with Jayson.”

As authorities moved onto the property, “the female was back inside and Jayson was in the truck by himself.” Fearing that Jayson was still armed with the rifle, “law enforcement decided it was best to stage at the beginning of the driveway for officer safety reasons. Due to Jayson grabbing the rifle when Tyler was on the phone with dispatch, it was unknown if Jayson was setting up for an ambush because he knew law enforcement would be responding, which was another reason law enforcement staged.”

Authorities eventually made contact with Tyler, who had left the house and returned with an unidentified individual, and decided to “relocate” and take him to the Silt Police Department for an interview, the affidavit says. Down at the station, the teen explained what had happened between him and his father.

According to Tyler, Jayson had berated and attacked him for placing his son into a “laundry basket” to sleep. The Boeberts have been taking care of Tyler’s son, who was born last year.

“Tyler had determined that the laundry basket was not a hazard…and it was better for [the child] to sleep in laundry basket, full of clothes, rather than on the bed and risk falling,” the affidavit says. “At some point…Jayson returned to the bedroom where Tyler was. Tyler advised [police] Jayson hit his (Tyler’s) legs and began to ask him why [the child] was in a laundry basket. … Tyler attempted to explain to Jayson that [the child] was fine in the laundry basket. While Jayson continued to question Tyler, Jayson attempted to grab Tyler’s phone several times. Tyler advised that because Jayson was under the influence of alcohol, he was clumsy and dropped the phone several times. Tyler believed he was under the influence because he was only clumsy when he drank alcohol and he had slurred speech.”

This is straight out of Jerry Springer. Jayson Boebert has been charged with “six crimes related to his altercation with Tyler and the restaurant incident with Lauren — including misdemeanor assault, disorderly conduct and prohibited use of a firearm — after initially claiming that he was the victim.”

This is after Jayson said, “I don’t want nothing to happen,” and “Her and I [sic] were working through a difficult conversation.” Jayson also said that he wanted to get back together with his divorced wife. Evidently she’s not having any of that. Maybe Bobo does have a brain cell or two percolating somewhere.

Meanwhile, it doesn’t appear that their son, Tyler, is doing a lot. He’s living with his father and putting his son to bed in the laundry basket. Well, it’s better than putting him in the dryer, right? Let’s look on the bright side. Um…anybody ever heard of a crib? It’s got rails and things, very handy device. Tyler’s doesn’t strike me as the most functioning, productive life I’ve ever heard described, let’s just say that much. But in all truth, I can’t say I’m surprised. What kind of parenting has he gotten? He certainly hasn’t heard education touted as a value, or hard work. He has seen his mother parlay her appearance and MAGA talking points into being a troll in Congress. That’s just a freak show, not an example of how to get ahead in life.

So this is the latest scandal in the Boebert family. Meanwhile, Boebert has reached out to constituents in CO-04, her new home and where she will now run for Congress, and she’s hopeful that they will let all this ride and elect her. If the State GOP has a lick of sense it will primary Boebert and get somebody in line for Ken Buck’s seat who doesn’t have all this baggage. But hey, if they don’t? Fine. Maybe we can flip two seats in the House blue. Maybe even three. Doug Lamborn (CO-05) has announced he’s not running for reelection either.

Maybe this is how the GOP finally collapses to its knees one night. All the remotely reasonable people will resign, leaving the worst of the worst to battle it out and rally behind Donald Trump. What a way to go.